Crash: Dimension Dilemma
by PSManiac
Summary: Crash, Cortex, and all of their friends and or minions star in this insane new story. Follow their story as they find a way to escape the mysterious 0th Dimension and defeat Prof. N. Terdimensional. Part 1 out of 3 of 0th Trilogy Trouble. No flames.
1. Bored Games

PSManiac: Hi everybody! This is my newest fanfiction, Crash: Dimension 

Dilemma!

Enjoy the action, comedy, and insanity in this new Crash adventure! Also I own

nothing except for the 0th (ze-ro-ith) Dimension, the Interdroids, and Professor N.

Terdimensional. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter One: Bored Game**

It was a sunny day on N. Sanity Island. But it was a very boring day. Crash

was asleep on the living room couch, Coco was staring groggily at her blank

computer screen, and Crunch was hitting his head against his punching bag. For

nearly three weeks the world hadn't been in a crisis. Cortex, Oxide, or any other

baddies hadn't shown their faces in months.

* * *

Meanwhile in an evil-looking laboratory sitting on top of an iceberg, Doctor Neo 

Periwinkle Cortex was having another one of his "evil villain's block." He was sitting in the

control room, bashing his head viciously against a computer.

"Think Cortex! Think!" he screamed with each bash. Soon, he stopped causing brain

damage upon himself and stood up.

"What's the point?" he muttered to himself, "Every time I think up of a plan, that wretched

bandicoot and his friends always find a way to foil it! But if I don't think of a new plan soon,

Uka Uka will fry my bacon for sure. Either that or I'll go crazy! Wait, why am I talking to

myself? Oh no! I have gone crazy!"

* * *

"Cortex? Cortex!" Tropy called as he and N. Gin searched for their employer, "Cortex! 

It's payday! You owe me $12. 96!" Eventually they found him in the control room in the fetal

position and he was sucking his thumb.

"Dr. Cortex! Are you alright?" N. Gin asked his boss. The was a bright flash and N. Gin

looked behind him. There was Tropy with a digital camera.

"At last!" the master of time yelled to the sky, "Blackmail! I'll get that raise for sure!" Cortex

groaned and slowly stood up.

"Doctor Cortex! What happened?" asked N. Gin.

"I don't know. I was screaming because I thought I had gone insane," Cortex replied, "I

bashed into a wall, and then there were churros everywhere! Also ther- Tropy? Why are you

holding a digital camera?"

"Oh, no reason," Tropy said, hiding the camera behind his back.

"Anyway," Cortex continued, "there was Mother, eating a bologna sandwich with a giant hunk

of cheese on her head.Then I woke up."

"So you had a dream?" N. Gin asked.

"N. Gin, my mom was there," replied the big-headed scientist, "It wasn't a dream. It was a

nightmare!"

"Uncle Neo! Uncle Neo!" Nina called, running across the room.

"What is it Nina?" questioned Cortex.

"I need help with a science homework question," answered the mad scientist's niece.

"Well then," said Cortex, "let's hear it."

"What," started Nina, " is the high speed velocity of the electrical generation of inertia from

collaborator A to gravatronic manipulator B using Newton's 3rd theory of molecular pulse

production from transmogrifying the nuclear shock absorbsion?" All three scientists had

their mouths wide open. Then N. Gin faints.

"Of course! It's seven! Thanks Uncle Neo!" she said as she skipped out of the room.

* * *

Back with Crash and the other bandicoots... 

Aku Aku floated into the room and saw the state the bandicoots were in.

"My children, why are you not doing anything?" the floating mask asked.

"Because we're bored," answered Coco.

"We've done everything we've ever wanted to do," Crunch added. Crash nodded his head as a

reply.

Aku Aku thought for a moment then said, "How about I tell you a story."

"You've told us all 825 of your stories," Coco argued.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"What about the time I-"

"You stopped your brother from ruling the universe, imprisoned him, and there was much

rejoicing? Heard it."

"Hmm... I guess there _is _nothing to do," Aku Aku sighed as he sat on the couch in defeat.

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion outside.

"What in Mr. T's underwear was that?" cried Crunch.

"Crunch," said Coco.

"Yeah?"

"Don't say that ever again."

"Okay," he sighed as they went to check out what had happened.

* * *

A few minutes later the bandicoots were at the site of the explosion where they found huge 

crater.

They slid down to the bottom where there was a meteor.

"Wow!" Coco squealed in joy, "I've never seen a meteor of this size before!" She was about to

take a closer look when ten robots jumped out of the meteor. They were silver and metallic blue

in color and they each had four red eyes. The robots also had sharp teeth, four spider-like legs,

pincers on each side of their mouth, and wrist mounted blasters on each hand. On each of the

robots' chests was a picture of a skull with two criss-crossing lightening bolts underneath it.

"Must serve Professor N. Terdimentional," nine of the robots chanted, "Must serve Professor N.

Terdimentional"

"Must serve ham and cheese omelette," the tenth one said. One of the robots looked at him and

smacked the back of his head.

"I mean, must serve Professor N. Terdimensional." They pointed their blasters at the bandicoots.

* * *

"How do I get into these messes?" Cortex asked himself. One moment, Tropy and himself 

were waking N. Gin up, the next moment, there robot guys showed up with their blasters

pointed at

him and his henchmen, and on top of all that, he needed to use the toilet _really _bad. Wait a

minute... never mind. Then he got an idea.

"Aha!" he cried as he pulled out his laser. _Click. Click. _He realized that he forgot to charge it up!

The mad scientist muttered the two words that would fit the best at a time like this.

"Oh, Pooh."

* * *

PSManiac: What'll happen next? Review to find out! 


	2. From Neo to Zero

PSManiac: Hi everybody! It's Chapter two! Woooooooooo! I own nothing except for the

Interdroids, the 0th Dimension, Prof. N. Terdimensional, and his minions.

* * *

**Chapter Two: From Neo to Zero**

"Uncle Neo!" a voice called out. Cortex looked up to see that his niece, Nina, had come to

rescue them.

"I'll help you!" she called as she launched herself at the robots. She planted her metal fist onto a

nearby robot's back and... nothing happened.

"What?" she asked, confused. She began to rapidly (but uselessly) punch the robots metallic skin

until she was caught by a net one of the other robots was holding.

"Good," said the robot (let's name him Bob) that Nina was previously punching, "We'll take the

little boy-"

"I'm a girl."

"Right, the little girl and her friends back to our dimension." He pulled out a small control pad and

said, "Now... how do you work this thing?" He pressed a button and a swirling vortex appeared.

A huge tentacle lashed out and pulled in a screaming robot. The vortex closed. One of the robots

got out a trumpet and played the Military Funeral March.

"Well," Bob said, "that didn't work, let's try something else." He pushed another button and a

portal appeared. Out stepped none other than everybody's two favorite parakeets, Victor and

Moritz!

"At last!" Victor called, "We're free from that wretched dimension and free to conquer all the

rest."

"Yep," Moritz added, "We're back and badger than ever!"

"_Badger?_" Victor asked his pea-brained twin. Moritz pulled out his copy of the script out of

nowhere and flipped through the pages.

"Oops, sorry. There was a coffee stain. I meant _badder_. Hehe..." Victor slapped his brother

across the face.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, angered.

"I don't know!" his brother replied. He was about to smack Moritz across the face again when he

noticed all the blasters pointed at them.

"Awww, nuts," Victor muttered.

"There's nuts!" Moritz squawked happily.

"Run!" They quickly ran back into the portal before it closed. Bob looked at the control pad and

said, "Maybe we should-," before being cut off by another robot named Rob.

"Give me that," Rob yelled as he snatched the control pad away from Bob.

"I want the control pad!" Bob whined.

"Well too bad."

"Give it!"

"No way!"

"Give it to me!" Rob knocked Bob's head off into space.

* * *

Meanwhile in a space station orbiting Earth, Nitrous Oxide was working on his ultimate racing 

vehicle.

"Soon," muttered Oxide, "my ultimate racing vehicle will be complete and those fools on Earth

shall bow before me! Nitrous Oxide!" Suddenly, Bob's head bounced in and began ricocheting

off the walls.

"Zam! Zem!" screamed Oxide as he ducked under a table, "Help me!" Then the robotic head

landed on a big, red button.

_"Self destruct sequence activated," _a computerized voice said, _"Have a nice day."_

"Why do I always add a self destruct mechanism? Why?" Oxide asked himself.

* * *

Back on Earth, Cortex, his minions, and the robots were "Oooo"-ing and "Ahhhhhh"-ing at the 

"fireworks display."

"Anyway," said Rob, "let's get moving." He took out the control pad and pressed the _correct _

button. A portal appeared and they went through.

* * *

Cortex looked around to see that they were in a large metallic hall with a huge iron door and

the end. He looked to his left and saw the bandicoots also with robots guiding them.

"N. Gin look!" Cortex whispered to his robotics specialist, "It's those infernal bandicoots!"

"Should we vaporize them Dr. Cortex?" N. Gin asked before laughing insanely.

"Stop having fun!"

"Sorry." As they got closer to the door they saw a mole snoring loudly in a wooden chair. He was

snoring so loud that the whole place was falling apart. In fact, if he snored any louder, the

universe will break apart into little, tiny pieces. His snores were so lou-

"Would you get on with it?" Cortex snapped. Well excuse me Mr. Mad Scientist, _someone _woke

up on the wrong side of the bed.

"First, I'm a _Doctor_ not a _Mister_," Cortex answered, "Second, if you keep on going everyone

will get bored and then they won't review!" Fine! Fine! Anyway... he wore dirty, blue overalls

with a red plaid shirt underneath. He also had on brown hiking boots and had a belt with gadgets

and gizmos on it. Around his neck was a large pair of goggles and on his head was a hard hat

with flashlights strapped to each side.

"Mole!" yelled Rob. The mole sprang up.

"Wha! Who! Who's there?" he asked in a high-pitched (but not squeaky) Texan accent.

"It's me. Rob."

"Rob? How can I be sure?"

"Use your goggles."

"My boggles?"

"Your goggles!

"My moggles?"

"YOUR GOGGLES!"

"Oh! My goggles! Why didn't you say so?" He placed the goggles over his eyes and looked

around.

"Excuse me," said Cortex, "but what is your name? I want to know the names of the people I

loathe."

"My name's," the mole started, "Hairy, Hairy Mole. Technical Specialist of the 0th Army."

"Hairy... _Mole_!" Crunch said.

"Yep," Hairy answered. The captives looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"What?" asked Hairy in alarm, "What's so funny?"

"Your... name! Hahahahahaha!" Coco choked out in between laughs. Hairy got really angry.

"I oughta kill you all!" he screamed, "But I can't because my master won't allow it... yet."

* * *

After the laughter died down, Hairy let them go through the door. Behind said door was a

huge

circular room with pipes, wires, and hoses that went this way and that way, and computer

screens that were scattered in random areas. In the room was a tall, troll-like creature that was

covered in moss and leaves, a bat (about as tall as Crash) who was wearing a tuxedo and had a

monocle over his eye, a white rat wearing a torn up lab coat and had spectacles on his nose, a

musclebound stag beetle, and a human-sized centipede.

"What is this?" Cortex whispered to his henchmen, "Some kind of freakshow gathering?"

"I heard that," replied the bat in a Transylvanian accent. N. Gin looked up and then gasped in

surprise.

"Dr. Cortex," N. Gin whispered to his employer as he pointed to the ceiling, "look." Up on the

ceiling was something Cortex never thought he would never see again. Up on the ceiling was a

Psychetron.

"Welcome my... er... _guests_," said a mysterious voice that was coming from the Psychetron, "I

see you have met my Interdroids. I am Professor N. Terdimensional and welcome to the 0th

Dimension." Dramatic music played and Cortex looked around.

"Where did that music _come_ from?" he asked.

* * *

PSManiac: Dum dum dum DUM! Review everybody! 


	3. Dash on Mount Rash

PSManiac: Chapter 3! I own nothing except for N. Terdimensional, his minions, the 0th

Dimension, and Mount Rash. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Three: Dash on Mount Rash**

"Welcome to my lair," N. Terdimentional said, "My lair which our little... _game_ will begin." Crash

gets out the game Monopoly.

"We are not playing Monopoly!" the Professor shouted, "You ungrateful piece of-"

"Sir!" Hairy gasped, interrupting his master, "This fanfiction is rated K plus! Remember?" N.

Terdimensional sighed.

"Fine," he muttered.

"Tell us why you brought us here!" Coco demanded.

"For revenge," he answered, "and a bit of fun."

"Fun?"

"Yes, being the sportsman and gentleman I am-"

"Oh _sure_," Cortex replied sarcastically, "gentlemen _always_ send killer robots to brutishly capture

innocent people and bring them to another dimension against their own will."

"You shall be silent!" N. Terdimensional roared as he fired a laser beam at Cortex. The mad

scientist jumped out of the way of the laser and intoTropy's arms, shivering in fear. Annoyed,

Tropy dropped Cortex.

"As I was saying," N. Terdimensional continued, "being the sportsman and gentleman I am, we

will make things more interesting."

"How so?" asked Aku Aku.

"Well," he said, "I will let you roam the 0th Dimension where you shall face many ways that you

could die horribly."

"Well," muttered Cortex, "that was great for my self-esteem."

"Scattered across the dimension," continued N. Terdimentional, "are 25 Power crystals and 3

Gems. You need to collect all of these items if you ever wish to go back home again. Oh, and

also my forces shall try to stop you." A nearby Interdroid handed a small book to each prisoner.

"To give you a better chance to survive," N. Terdimensional said, "I have given each of you a

guide to the 0th Dimension. It has information on everything in this universe, from monsters to

misfits."

"Well," said Tropy, "we know which one Cortex belongs to."

"Monsters?" Cortex asked.

"No"

"Then that would mean... Hey!"

Coco flips through the pages and notices something.

"There's nothing in here," she pointed out.

"Well that's not very helpful," Crunch muttered.

"Don't worry," N. Terdimensional replied, "you will learn how the books work during your

journey. Oh, and Tropy."

"Yes?"

"Don't even think about using your time powers, considering we are outside of the time stream."

"What? But that's impossible."

"Oh, but it is. Muhahaha! Mahahaha- cough cough. Goodbye."

Suddenly, the prisoners were catapulted into the air.

* * *

On a mysterious island, Cortex's minions have safely landed in some nice, cushiony vegetation. 

Cortex himself, however, landed on some sharp rocks.

"I'm okay," he choked out, "these unusually sharp rocks broke my fall." His minions helped him

up but while doing so, Nina accidentally broke her uncle's hand.

"Don't worry," Cortex said, "you crushed it so hard that it went numb." Tropy looked around,

they seemed to be at the base of a large volcano.

"Everyone, look!" Nina called,who was staring over a nearby cliff. Everyone ran over to see what

Nina was looking at. After a few minutes of shocked silence Cortex, Tropy, and N. Gin finally

got the energy to speak.

"Woah," said N. Gin.

"Oh my Time Twister," gasped Tropy.

"Well," muttered Cortex, "I never saw _that_ coming."

* * *

On the other side of the island Crash, Coco, and Crunch have safely landed in some vegetation. 

"Well," Crunch muttered while trying to get himself untangled in some vines, "that was a smooth

landing."

"This is no time for sarcasm _Crunch_," Coco said, "Besides, we need to figure out where we are

and how to get out of here." She looks around to see a red and orange sky above them, a tall

volcano to her left and the edge of a cliff to her right. Suddenly, she felt something vibrate in her

back pocket. She takes it out and realize that it was the guidebook.

She flips it open to the first page and all of them gasped when they saw words and pictures

appear on the page before them.

"That is so freaky," Crunch whispered, "but so cool at the same time!"

"Mount Rash," Coco read, "is a volcanic island in the 0th dimension. Every year a Native Tribe,

known as the Flatulinch, give a living sacrifice to the volcano god, Mr. Jingles."

"Mr. Jingles?" asked Crunch, "Are you serious?"

"Well that is what it says in the book!"

"Well I oughta-"

"Listen!" Aku Aku interrupted, "There's something in the trees." After a few seconds a

scarecrow-looking thing jumped out wearing colorful robes and a tribal mask. He prepared to

attack but crunch grabbed his arm and threw him over the cliff.

"Poor guy," Crunch muttered. Suddenly, the scarecrow appeared before them.

"What the?" Crunch babbled. He thew the scarecrow over the cliff again and he reappears. He

tried it again, and again until...

"Grrr... I can't take this anymore!" He grabbed the nearest thing to him which was- hey! What are

you do- uh oh! Agh! Agh! Ow! Ow! OW!

"Crunch!"

"What is it Coco?"

"You just used the narrator to throttle the scarecrow thingy!"

"So?"

"_So _now he's unconscious and now there's no one to narrate!"

"Oh..."

Don't worry for I, PSManiac, shall be a temporary narrator! So let's get on with the story. Aku

Aku looked over at the cliff.

"I wonder why that scarecrow keeps on reappearing when Crunch threw him over the cliff," he

said. He and the bandicoots looked over the edge and were amazed at what they saw.

* * *

With Cortex and his minions, they were still amazed at what they saw over the cliff. Over the cliff 

was nothing but sky, the same sky that was above them. This was no ordinary island, it was a

flying island.

"Hey guys!" N. Gin stated, "It a cliffhanger, get it? _Cliff_ and _hanger_. And we're looking over a

cliff!"

The rest of his comrades groaned at N. Gin's bad pun.

* * *

PSManiac: It looks like as if the Narrator is going to be in the hospital for a while, poor guy. 

Review to pay for his medical bill!


	4. Kentucky Fried Bandicoot

PSManiac: Woohoo! Give me a chapter! Give me an F! Give me an O! Give me a U! Give

me an R! What does that spell? Chapter Four! Sorry, I had sugar. I own nothing except for

the monsters of Mount Rash.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Kentucky Fried Bandicoot**

Cortex and his minions hiked through the jungle, looking for a Power Crystal or a

Power Gem.

"Tropy," Cortex said, "can you do anything about my Ray Gun? It's out of ammo."

The master of time sighed and muttered, "Might as well." He laid his staff on cortex's Laser

and lifted it back up.

"There," he said "you have unlimited ammo."

"Whoopie!" Cortex cheered, "But we're still trapped on this island."

"Do not worry Dr. Cortex," N. Gin said, "This situation cannot possibly get worse." Suddenly,

a huge vine grabbed Cortex by the ankle and lifted him up into the air.

"Aagghh!" screamed Cortex as he saw that it was a giant Venus flytrap (known as an N.

(Nitro) Snare) that captured him.

"Tropy!" said Nina, "We have to go save my uncle."

"Can't we leave him?" the blue scientist asked.

"Listen," Nina snapped, hoisting Tropy up by his collar, "either we save my uncle from that

mouthful of teeth, or I give you A MOUTHFUL OF FIST!"

"Okay! Okay!" Tropy yelped as Nina set him back down, "I'll help him." He shot an energy

beam at the monster. The beast exploded in a flurry of green slime. Tropy, Nina, and N. Gin

were untouched by the slime because Tropy produced a shield. Cortex, however, was

covered with the sludge.

"Think about it Dr. Cortex," N. Gin said, "it can't possibly get any-" He was cut off by

Cortex's hand which slapped itself over N. Gin's mouth.

"Don't say that last word N. Gin," Cortex muttered.

"What word? Worse?" said Tropy. Suddenly a giant bird swooped down and snatched up

Cortex. It then brought him up to its nest on the volcano. The scientists heard Cortex

scream, "I HATE THIS DIMENSION!"

* * *

Meanwhile the bandicoots were walking through the jungle. After hours of facing poisonous

snakes, fighting meat-eating plants, and stepping in piles of... uh... "chocolate," they were

tired, hungry, and grumpy.

"Coco, I'm hungry," Crunch whined.

"What should _I_ do about it," Coco snapped.

"Make us some fudge."

"I thought that you were against fattening foods."

"Yeah but this dimension is making me OOC." They heard a thud behind them. Crash had

fallen asleep from exhaustion.

"C'mon," Aku Aku muttered, "we have to go drag him along."

"By 'we' you mean me and Crunch and not you," Coco replied.

"What was your first clue?"

"Let me think... the fact that YOU HAVE NO ARMS!"

"Exactly." Coco was about to retaliate when they were caught in a net trap. About six more

of those scarecrow things came and tied Coco to a pole. Two of them carried her away

while the other four pointed their arrows at Crunch, Crash, and Aku Aku.

"Wait a minute," said Crunch, "we _die?_" Uh...

"No one ever actually dies in Crash Bandicoot!" Fine! Fine! I used my amazing author

powers to trip one of the scarecrow things to make its arrow miss you and hit the net,

freeing you.

"Alright!" Crunch cheered as he got freed. The scarecrow things fired more arrows at

Crunch. The arrows whooshed past Crunch.

"Ha!" he called, "You missed!" Then his pants fell down.

"Okay, maybe not," Crunch said as he pulled his pants up to cover his Pinky Bear Boxers.

Crash rolled his eyes and spun the scarecrow things. Aku Aku pulled out his copy of the

guidebook.

"Apparently," Aku Aku stated, "those living scarecrows were the Flatulinch. We must follow

those other two, who knows what they will do to Coco."

They tore off down the path to the Flatulinch city, Clevelandtopia.

* * *

Cortex groggily opened his eyes and looked around. He seemed to be in a giant nest with

three or four giant eggs around him.

"What the-" the mad doctor started before he was interrupted by a cracking sound. The

eggs began to move and cracks formed on the shells. The eggs opened up to reveal giant

baby birds. Their mother swooped down and perched on the edge of the nest with

something in her mouth.

"I guess it must be feeding time," said Cortex, "Well, I am hungry." The mother plopped in

front of them a pile of... worms.

"Worms?" Cortex shrieked, "I don't want worms! I demand a refund!" The mother glared

down at Cortex.

"Okay! Okay!" Cortex said, hiding behind a baby bird. He took a worm and painstakingly had

a bite. He swallowed the worm and... smiled.

"Hey, not bad," he said, "but it needs hot sauce." He took out a bottle of hot sauce and

poured the contents onto another worm and ate the wriggling creature.

"Ah... much better!"

* * *

"Uncle Neo! Uncle Neo!" Nina called. They had been searching everywhere for their not-so-

beloved doctor, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Let's quit looking Nina," Tropy said, "Cortex is probably bird food by now."

"Think about it Tropy," Nina replied, "without Cortex, no one will sign your paycheck."

Tropy's eyes widen.

"Cortex! Cortex!" he called.

* * *

Cortex was full after all the worms and hot sauce he's eaten.

"So what now?" Cortex asked. His "brothers" hopped over to the edge of the nest and jump

off.

"No!" _screamed the evil scientist of evil evilness of evil eviltude... evil! _Cortex! Step away

from the computer! _Make me!_You asked for it! **Grr...**_Oh! Er... a pit bull.__Nice doggie, nice _

_doggie._** RUFF RUFF RUFF!**_AGH! HELP ME!_AND STAY OUT! Now, where were we? Ah

yes! Cortex saw that the baby birds were actually flying! He looked at the mother and saw

her come closer. He came to a sudden realization.

"No I don't want to fly! I can't fly! If madmen were meant to fly then our cheeks would be

filled with helium! No!" She pushed him off the edge and then he began to fall. Cortex tried

to uselessly flap his arms. When he realized that flapping his arms won't work, he wrote his

will and then he closed his eyes, praying. He landed but seemed to still be alive. Cortex

stood up.

"I'm okay," he announced, "I landed on something soft and squishy!"

"That's me you idiot!" Tropy roared as he pushed Cortex off of himself.

"Uncle Neo!" Nina called as she pulled her uncle into a bone crushing hug.

"Nina," Cortex choked, "I can't feel my spine." She let him go.

"Doctor Cortex," said N. Gin, "It is so good to see you uneaten."

"That's nice." Cortex looked around and said, "Does anyone else hear drums." There was,

in fact, a drum beat. They followed the sound to the Flatulinch city of Clevelandtopia.

* * *

PSManiac: Another chapter down and I have good and bad news. Good news: The narrator

is out of the hospital. Bad news: He sueing me so I need reviews in order to get a lawyer.

So review!


	5. Crash and Burn

PSManiac: Thanks for the reviews guys! Sorry it took so long to update. Writer's block. Here's

Chapter Five! See Chapter Four for the

disclaimer and I do own Smash & Dash. Also I don't own Monty Python and the Holy Grail

or Invader Zim.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Crash and Burn**

Crash, Crunch, and Aku Aku looked at the city of Clevelandtopia through their binoculars.

"How are we suppose to get in?" Crunch asked.

"I have a plan," replied Aku Aku.

"And how are you able to hold your binoculars if you are a disembodied floating witch

doctor

mask?"

"I.. I'm not sure. Wow, I never realized that."

"Anyway, we better talk about this plan of yours before PSManiac pulls the old Monty

Python 'Get on with it!' gag."

"Indeed. So here's the plan..."

* * *

Tropy pulled a long branch out of his way. He let go of the branch and it whipped Cortex, 

who was behind Tropy, in the face. Cortex yelped in pain but continued on, following the

drum beat. Eventually they made it to the source of the sound of drums, Clevelandtopia.

Cortex pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked through them.

"Wow," he said, "this city is tiny." Tropy rolled his eyes and turned Cortex's binoculars

around.

"Ah," Cortex muttered and then noticed something, "I spy with my evil eye, something

beginning with C!"

"Chinchillas?" asked N. Gin.

"Churros?" questioned Nina.

"Cheesecake?"

"Chess pieces?"

"Crystal," Tropy finally said.

"Correct!" replied Cortex, "There is a crystal at the center of the city on a tiki's forehead."

Tropy takes a look through the binoculars himself.

"The place looks well-guarded," he pointed out, "How are we suppose to get in?" Cortex

smiled evilly.

"I have a plan."

* * *

Three totem heads sat in Clevelandtopia. A Flatulinch warrior walked by. As soon as the 

warrior was gone the tikis started moving.

"This is a great idea Aku Aku," one totem head whispered to another.

"Well I have my moments, Crunch," the one known as Aku Aku replied. Yes Crash, Crunch,

and Aku Aku were disguised as totem heads. Suddenly, they bumped into what appears to

be... tourists? The three tikis were confused for a moment until Aku Aku recognized the

springy hair one of them had.

"Cortex?" Aku Aku asked. Cortex frantically looked around.

"Who's there? Is it a ghost? I'm afraid of ghosts, bunnies, the dark, and those little plastic

things you find at the end of shoelaces." Tropy, who was behind, him was writing all this

stuff down.

"Cortex it's me, Aku Aku!" whispered the witchdoctor mask, "Crunch and Crash are also

with me."

"Wait, aren't there four of you?"

"We need to save Coco from the Flatulinch."

"Well there is a crystal here and we are here to get it." Cortex and his tourist-disguised

minions began to creep away before Cortex whispered to Aku Aku, "If anyone asks, we are

the Wayans family of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania," and then sneaked away. If the

disembodied witch doctor had shoulders and arms, he would shrug. Our bandicoot and

spiritual heroes noticed that a large crowd had gathered around a tall Totem Head with a

stage in front of it. On the stage was a fat Flatulinch that carried a tall staff, he was the

Flatulinch chief. To his left was a flaming torch, and to his right was Coco who was bound

and gagged to a pole.

"My people!" the chief called out, "It is a glorious day for us. Our fire god, Mr. Jingles, shall

be revived! Thanks to a messenger from the Valley of Spirits. Now he will speak."

"Thank you Chief Polly Wolly," said a deep, African voice that erupted from the totem head,

"now we sha-"

"Hey! I want to be the messenger's voice!" called a second voice (that sounds like Dib

from Invader Zim) from the totem head.

"But mine fits it better."

"No it doesn't!

"Yes it does!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Ye-"

"Get on with it!" the entire Flatulinch tribe cried out.

"Fine! We'll speak at the same time!" the second voice decided.

"Now we shall reincarnate Mr. Jingles," both voices said. Polly Wolly plucked three hairs

from Coco's head.

"Help!" she cried, "He's ruining my hair!" The chief threw the hair into the fire. The fire

turned into a blazing inferno for a second before going out. Sitting there was... a hamster?

"A hamster?" the second voice asked in alarm, "All this for a hamster?"

"I told you that you didn't read that prophesy right, but did you listen? No," said the first

voice.

"Actually, that is Mr. Jingles," Polly Wolly pointed out.

"That is it!" the second voice screamed before the totem head exploded. A crystal that was

on the forehead of the tiki flew up into the air and Cortex caught it. On the stage were the

two bugs that our heroes had seen on N. Terdimensional's Fortress. Crash, Crunch, and

Aku Aku leapt out of their disguises, the same with Cortex and his minions.

"Tell us who you are!" Crunch demanded.

"I'm Smash," said the stag beetle.

"And I'm Dash," said the centipede, "and we are two of Prof. N. Terdimensional's generals.

Since Mr. Jingles can't destroy you, the Magma Bees will!" Nothing happens.

"I said, the Magma bees will!" Still nothing.

"Sorry about that," said a guy over the PA system, "we're having technical difficulties.

Everything should be up and running in a few minutes." Everyone stood in silence for a

minute or two.

"Okay, it's fixed," announced the PA guy.

"Finally," said the centipede, "anyway, the Magma bees will!" Labrador-sized bees made of

solidified lava came flying out of the volcano with a whale sized queen. Crash untied his

sister while Nina looked in her copy of the guidebook.

"Magma Bees," Nina read, "are giant fire-breathing bees that are native to Mount Rash."

"So how do we defeat them?" asked Aku Aku.

"It says here that if you defeat the queen, the rest of the Magma Bees will retreat."

"Well I can't fight so I am no use."

"Wait a minute," said Cortex, "Uka Uka once used some ice to make himself a body.

Perhaps you can do the same."

"Okay, I'll try. Cortex, you and your minions have to distract the queen. Crash, Coco,

Crunch, I guess it is your turn to protect me." All of them nodded and went to do their jobs.

About five minutes later, Aku Aku had made himself a body of stone. He marched towards

the queen and threw a large boulder into her mouth. She tried to breathe fire but the boulder

kept her from doing so. She kept on trying and trying until she swelled up like a balloon and

exploded. The N-Team were too close to the explosion and they were thrown into the air.

The Magma Bees started to retreat to the volcano but Dash stopped them.

"Oh no! You are not going anywhere until you destroy those bandicoots!" he said. The

Magma Bees looked at each other, flamed Dash, and went back to the volcano.

"Ow." Dash choked out before Smash picked him up and teleported away. The Flatulinch

cheered and their chief walked up to the bandicoots.

"If there is anything that you need, we will give it to you." he said. Coco noticed something

on his staff.

"On your staff," Coco said, "is that a crystal?"

"Yes."

"Can we have it?"

"Sure." He gave her the staff.

"Also, do you know where we can find any more gems or crystals?" Polly Wolly pointed to a

nearby cave.

"Through that cave lies the Wet Sea," he said as he handed each of them a piece of fruit, "eat this

so that you can breathe, swim, and communicate underwater."

"Thanks," said Aku Aku as he and the bandicoots headed for the Wet Sea.

* * *

Cortex woke up to see that he was in a tunnel with the rest of his minions. Boy, he hated 

being flung into the air. Twice that happened and it is really annoying him. He looked around

a corner and sees a huge mine, the Mole Mines.

* * *

Smash and Dash teleported themselves to the Psychetron Room of N. Terdimensional's 

Fortress.

"I'm sorry we failed boss," said Dash, "we'll do better the next time."

"Don't worry," N. Terdimensional replied, "everything is going according to the plan." They

laughed evilly for a few moments before it died down.

"So what do you want to do now?" Smash asked.

"I don't know, we could go play video games," his partner in crime suggested.

"Yeah let's go play video games!" So they went to go play video games.

* * *

PSManiac: Be sure to review! They make me happy. 


	6. Molten Madness

PSManiac: Chapter Six. At last. I don't own Crash Bandicoot. If I did, this story would be a

game. But that would be so cool! And I don't own MIB, Albert and Costello, Playstation 3, or

the Matrix.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Molten Madness**

Somewhere in a cave was a fork. No, not the silverware kind the two separate paths kind! In

between the two paths was a pole with two signs on it. One was pointing to the path on the left

and said The Wet Sea. The other one pointed to the tunnel on the right and it said Certain Doom.

An Interdroid crept up to the signs and switched them around. He looked at the audience.

"I know that this is a cliche, overused, and cheap cartoon villain trick but hey, it works," he

explained before darting away. Moments later, our marsupial heroes (and Aku Aku) came upon

the fork in the road.

"Hey! A fork!" Crunch said, "What is a fork doing all the way out here?"

"Perhaps there are diners in the 0th Dimension," Aku Aku guessed.

"Anyway," Coco said, "there's a fork in the road."

"Yes we know that already," Crunch pointed out.

"Not the silverware kind."

"Hmm... plastic?"

"No, I mean one road splitting off into two."

"Oh."

"We better follow the path that sign with The Wet Sea on it is pointing to. C'mon."

"I don't know," said Aku Aku, "I'm getting bad vibes."

"How bad could it be?"

* * *

Cortex and his minions looked around the large mine. 

"Wow," N. Gin gasped, "this place is amazing!"

"I know!" Cortex replied, "These power drills match so well with the cave walls!"

His minions stared at him in disbelief.

"I mean... it looks very evil? Mwahahaha?" He shrugged sheepishly as Tropy rolled his eyes.

"We should go and find any of the crystals or gems," the master of time said.

They were about to continue on their journey when five Interdroids appeared. They were yellow

and black instead of silver and blue.

"Don't worry," Cortex said, "we can take them."

Then the robots whipped out large and deadly drills and shovels from behind their backs.

"Now we can worry."

The Interdroids charged at the villain-turned-heroes. Cortex did the first thing he could think of.

No, he didn't wet his pants for a change. He began to blast everywhere blindly. The robots were

disintegrated thanks to his blind flurry of plasma shots.

"Ahem," a voice said from behind Cortex.

The mad scientist turned around and instantly wished he hadn't. There was Tropy, scorched, with

his arms crossed and his foot tapping impatiently.

"I would love to kill you, but I can't since we're being hunted down," Tropy muttered to Cortex.

"Doctor Cortex!" N. Gin called, "I have found the entry in the guide to this place! It's called

the Mole Mines."

"Mole Mines?" Cortex asked, "Does that mean that we'll see that mole guy again?"

"Cortex! Don't tell the readers what's going to happen!"

"Well you just broke the fourth-wall N. Gin."

"Opps... sorry."

"If only we had one of those cool MIB mind-wipe thingys."

* * *

Crash, Coco, Crunch, and Aku Aku were walking through a _really_ long tunnel. The bandicoots

were getting very tired except for Aku Aku because he had no legs.

"C'mon guys! Just a little bit further," the mask said.

"Easy for you to say," Coco said, "You don't have any legs." Then Crash tripped over something.

He looked down and saw a thin piece of string. Thanks to his experience with ancient temples and

their traps he looked behind him. All the way at the entrance of the tunnel, a giant boulder

dropped from the ceiling and began rolling toward the bandicoots. Crash jumped in front of his

comrades and made various signals and motions, since he is unable to speak.

"Oh! I love charades!" Crunch squealed, "A bicycle."

"Rocks," said Coco.

"Clowns."

"The Matrix."

"Albert and Costello."

"Playstation 3!" Crash grabbed their heads and turned them towards the oncoming boulder.

"Oh, a giant boulder," they said, "Wait a minute... a giant boulder! Ahh!"

They took off running from the boulder while avoiding spiked poles, geysers, lava pits, land mines,

and the occasional radioactive squirrel. They crossed a bridge over a pit of molten magma. The

boulder fell into the pit.

"That was close," Aku Aku pointed out.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," muttered Crunch.

"That's _Mister_ Captain Obvious to you."

They turned around to find themselves at the heart of Mount Rash. The bandicoots were standing

on a large stepping stone on a sea of lava. Several more stepping stones were nearly everywhere.

"Guys," Coco said, "I think we made a wrong turn."

Crunch gave her a look that said, "What was your first clue?"

Suddenly, a large shadow flew over our heroes and landed on a stalagmite (or a stalactite,

whichever points upward).

"Velcome bandicoots," said the figure in a very Transylvanian accent, "I am Count Fangula and

velcome to your doom."

"What's a velcome?" asked Crunch.

"I have no idea," Coco answered.

"Me neither," said Aku Aku.

Crash shrugged. The figure revealed himself to be the giant tuxedo-wearing bat they saw at N.

Terdimensional's fortress.

"Now bandicoots," said Fangula in a climactic way, "prepare to meet your doom."

A giant totem warrior rose from the center of the molten lake. It looked like Tikimon but yellow,

orange, and red in color.

"Volcanos, destroy them!"

Volcanos turned to our heroes and blasted a fireball at them. They dove out of the way, making

the fireball destroy a pillar of stone. Aku Aku made a body out of rock and magma.He picked up

a boulder and threw it at Volcanos. It hit the totem warrior in the face. Vulcanos growled and

threw fireballs in nearly every direction, destroying the rest of the pillars and causing huge rocks to

collapse onto Volcanos.

"No!" Fangula screamed before turning to the bandicoots, "Ve vill meet again."

He teleported away. Crash noticed something shiny on top of the pile of rubble. He climbed to the

top and grabbed the object. A Power Gem!

"Great job Crash!" called Coco.

Crash jumped down and found a tunnel. They walked down the tunnel and found themselves

looking at a giant pool of water (there's loads of finding in this chapter). The entrance to the Wet

Sea. The bandicoots ate the fruit Polly Wolly gave them. Hi-tech scuba gear appeared on the

heroes. Crash smiled.

"Well, let's get going," Coco said before diving into the pool.

* * *

PSManiac: Introducing Chapter previews!

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma... 

The bandicoots face the dangerous dangers that are dangerously dangerous of the Wet Sea.

Meanwhile, Cortex and his minions will try to survive the Mole Mines. Hilarity will ensue in

**Chapter Seven: Ocean Commotion.

* * *

**PSManiac: Review! 


	7. Ocean Commotion

PSMANIAC: Chapter 7 is up and running. Remember, don't own Crash Bandicoot, Ferro

Roche, or Star Wars.

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Ocean Commotion**

The Bandicoots swam through the Wet Sea, looking at all of the exotic creatures such

as the Jelly Finch and Carp-enter. But that is another story.

"It's quiet, too quiet," said Crunch.

"And it's wet, too wet," Aku Aku added. (Kudos to anyone who catches the reference!)

They swam in wet silence until Coco stated, "Something's not right here."

"What is it?" asked Crunch.

"Well, in almost every underwater level in the Crash Bandicoot games there is always a

giant, tentacled threat."

"Like a giant squid?" asked Aku Aku, peering in fear at something behind Coco.

"Yeah, like a giant squid. I hate those things," Coco responded.

"Then you would hate to turn around," the ancient mask said, but she turns around anyway

to see a giant, killer squid.

"This is not good," said Coco as the squid charged towards them.

"I sure hope that something convenient pops up and defeats it," said Crunch. Nothing

happened.

"Man! That always works in the video games, but this is real life."

Aku Aku turned to the reader and said, "Don't tell him, he might snap."

* * *

In the Mole Mines, Cortex and his minions weren't doing much better than the 

Bandicoots. They were being chased by a giant spider. What happened? Let's just say that

N. Gin thought that one of the spider's eggs was a Ferro Roche.

"N. Gin! You buffoon!" screamed Cortex, "Look at the mess you have gotten us into!"

"Sorry Dr. Cortex," whimpered N. Gin, "I was really hungry."

"Less talking more running!" said Tropy as he sprinted past them. Soon, they were faced

with a dead end.

"No!" yelled Cortex, "It can't end this way! I still haven't lived out my dream of becoming a

professional ice skater! Next to world domination."

"Well I'm not going down without a fight!" declared Nina as she got into a battle stance.

On the cliff above the villains, two Miner Interdroids were worker near a percariously

perched boulder.

"Whew, this is hard work," said one, Earl, as he leaned against the rock. The boulder

creaked and went tumbling down. Earl looked down the cliff, and then at his friend, Steve.

"He did it!" Earl screamed before running off.

Cortex, N. Gin, Tropy, and Nina backed up against the wall as the spider came closer.

You can smell its venomous breath. You can see slimy poison dripping down from its

mouth to the floor with a sickly-

"That's disgusting!" cried Cortex. Alright, I'll stop. The spider crept foward until a giant

boulder smashed its head.

"Woot!" cheered our villainous heroes. Nina high-fived her uncle which sent him hurtling into

the spider's abdomen. It exploded and covered them in green spider mush.

"Gaah!" screamed Cortex, "I had my mouth open!" He spat out some green goo before he

noticed something in the arachnid remains. He picked it up.

"A Power Crystal!" He declared before placing it into his pocket. N. Gin turned a sickly

green.

"I think that Ferro Roche is backing up on me," he said before scampering to a nearby

outhouse.

* * *

Crash, Coco, Aku Aku, and Crunch battled the giant squid, but the beast was to 

fearsome. The squid hit some rocks behind Crash, revealing a Power Crystal. Crash

snatched and pocketed the glowing object. Suddenly, an old dude in brown robes

appeared in front of Crash.

"Use the force," he said, "Wait a minute... you're not Luke. Oh no! Luke!" He disappeared.

Crash was too distracted by the Obi-Wan Kenobi cameo to notice the squid grab him.

"Crash!" Coco screamed but the creature was too far away to catch up to. Then, a giant net

captured our remaining three heroes and pulled them up into a giant submarine.

* * *

The N-Team, after N. Gin relieved himself, made their way down a tunnel and onto a 

large platform over a pit of spikes. Rocks fell and blocked all of the exits in the cavern.

"This isn't good," muttered Cortex. Then a car-sized flying drill contraption rose from the pit,

piloted by Hairy Mole. It was yellow and black in color, and it looked the same as Mecha

Bandicoot's main torso. On the front was a drill, on one side was a laser, on the other side

was a missile launcher, on the bottom was a flamethrower, and on the back was a propeller.

"Hahaha!" laughed Hairy, "You June bugs are in for it now. I'm gonna kill you faster than a

rattlesnake on hyper juice!"

* * *

In the submarine, Crunch, Coco, and Aku Aku were tied to a rope over a pool filled 

with robotic sharks.

"Well bandicoots, I see that you have fallen into my trap," said someone in a Russian

accent. There came the rat that was seen at N. Terdimensional's fortress. the bandicoots

also noticed that he had a robotic right arm.

"I am Doctor Otto Ratsputin, Robotics Engineering Expert for the 0th army. I welcome you

to your doom."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma...

The Bandicoots face their most formidable enemy to date, Ratsputin. The N-team

also have problems of their own when they face Hairy Mole. Hahahaha! Hairy Mole! What

sort of name is that? Hahahaha! What? Oops, sorry. Anyway, will they survive? Find out in

**Chapter Eight: Mining Mishap**.

* * *

PSManiac: I question that narrator's sanity. Review everybody! 


	8. Kangaroo Kaboom

PSManiac: Sorry for not updating for awhile, but the boot drive for my computer got fried so now I'm using my parent's computer to type this intermission chapter. I own

nothing! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 7.5: Kangaroo Kaboom!**

"You're about to enter a world, a world not only of sight and sound but of randomness," said the newly-hired narrator, "And randomness so random, that its amount of

randomness is of the most random kind… random. Welcome to the Random Zone."

Brio concentrated on the single drop of green liquid about to fall out of a beaker in his hand and into a vial of purple liquid. This concoction was highly volatile so Brio had to be

extra care-

"Brio!" Uka Uka yelled as he slammed the door open. This caused Brio to drop the beaker into the vile and explode. Brio trudged over to Uka, looking disgruntled and

covered in ash, and shook the soot off of him.

"Meet Doctor Nitrus Brio, a rather short, complicated man who earns an honest living as a mad scientist," said the narrator, "Cortex, Nina, N. Gin, and Tropy had gone

missing, but no one was worried. Also, today was the day that Uka Uka was going on a week-long vacation in Hawaii. But as Uka Uka leaves, Brio will enter the Random

Zone."

"Yes, Uka?" he asked.

"Have you seen Cortex lately? It's time for my foot massage."

Brio opened his mouth, about to point out that Uka Uka had no feet, but decided against it.

"Anyway," Uka continued, "I'm holding a meeting in the entrance hall. Meet me and the other minions there in five minutes. Don't be late!"

Uka Uka slammed the door shut on his way out. A rack of test tubes fell from a nearby shelf and fell to the floor.

"Uh oh," said Brio.

* * *

Brio, covered in even more soot and ash, marched his way down to the Iceberg Lab's entrance hall. He joined the crowd of minions that had gathered in the entrance hall. By

the door was Uka Uka, wearing a straw hat, sunglasses, and a lai. _Strange_, Brio thought, _Uka Uka only dresses himself like that when he's gone insane. Believe me, it's _

_happened before. Wait, who am I talking to? Oh no! Now I've gone insane!_

"My fellow evil-doers," Uka Uka stated, "I am going to the Fearsome Awards Retreat Temple (F. A. R. T. for short) in Honolulu. There, I shall accomplish my dream."

"Ya' gonna become a ski instucta'?" asked Dingodile.

"No, Dingodile, the _other_ dream. I shall win the evil floating mask of the year award. I'll be back in a week. Brio!"

"Yes, sir?" asked the mad scientist lackey.

"Carry my bags," Uka Uka commanded, pointing his non-existent index finger at the Mount Everest of luggage. Brio gulped and got to work.

* * *

Five days later, Dingodile, Brio, Moe, Joe, Tiny, and Pinstripe were playing cards around a table.

"I'll throw down two cookies," said Joe.

"Seven Crunch Bars," announced Moe

"A marshmallow," said Pinstripe.

"Tiny's M&M's," said Tiny.

"MuahahahahahahahHAHahahaHAHAHahhahahahHahahahahaha!" Ripper Roo laughed before eating his cards. Then, a knock was heard at the door. Brio opened said door

to find a sweaty middle-aged man wearing a mailman's uniform that smelled of rotten peaches with a hint of lilac, but that was another story. Behind him was a large crate with

the word FRAGILE stamped across the front.

"What is it?" asked Brio.

"Are you Doctor Nitrous Brio, age 46, of the Iceberg Lab?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Sign here," the mailman stated, handing Brio a clipboard. Brio signed as the mailman pushed the crate in. Brio handed the clipboard back to the sweaty man. The guy held his

hand out as if to ask for a tip.

"Ah yes! Your tip," said Brio, "Look both ways before crossing the street."

"Thanks! Wait…wait a minute!"

"Pull!"

The mailman was catapulted into the air and out of the lab. Brio walked over to the crate and pushed a button on its side. The crate opened to reveal a huge machine.

"The Clonatron I ordered! Finally! Now where do I plug it in?"

Brio spotted an electrical outlet with all kinds of cords, cables, and plugs in it. Brio plugged to machine into the outlet, turned it on, and the electricity short-circuited.

"Oops," Brio whispered, "Don't worry! I'll fix it!"

* * *

Hours later, after a call to the electrical company and some rewiring, Brio took a well deserved nap. Little did he know, a certain insane, blue kangaroo wandered into the

Clonatron and activated the machine.

* * *

The next morning Brio woke up drowsily. He sees Ripper Roo, drooling on Brio's slightly cone-shaped head.

"Go away Roo," Brio yawned. Ripper Roo laughed and bounced away. Brio pulled himself out of bed and trudged his way into the Evil Kitchen of Doom! He poured himself a

bowl of Frankenberry cereal and sat at the table. But he forgot something. Ah yes! Orange juice! Brio slid over to the fridge and rummage inside of it on his quest to find the

fruity drink. But behind his back Ripper Roo ate Brio's cereal, and then a _second_ Ripper Roo came and ate the bowl before darting off. Brio turned around, a glass of orange

juice in hand, to see his cereal, and the bowl, gone. Brio shrugged, put the glass down on the table, and turned his back to open the cupboard. Three more Ripper Roos came,

drank the orange juice, and devoured the glass before scampering away. Brio turned around and saw that the glass had disappeared as well. Now he knew that something

wasn't right. Then he heard something in the control room. Was that laughter? He set his cereal on the table and ran out of the kitchen. Several more Roos slurped down the

cereal Brio had left.

* * *

In the control room, Brio skidded to a halt in awe. In the control room was hundreds upon hundreds of Ripper Roos, all laughing insanely. Roo must have accidentally activated

the Clonatron! Brio knew that Uka Uka was coming back the next day and if he sees this, Brio'sgoose would be cooked for sure. And he wasn't talking about the one in the

oven. He had to do something and fast!

"I got it!" Brio proclaimed, "If I can get all of the Ripper Roo clones back to the Clonatron, maybe I can un-clone them. I have to find the others!"

* * *

Brio quickly gathered up the Komodo Brothers, Pinstripe, Tiny, and Dingodile and told them of the dilemma. For the next 24 hours they worked tirelessly to capture clones.

Eventually, they chucked all the clones into a metal cage. Brio wiped his forehead with his handkerchief.

"Now that that's done," he said, "let's de-clone them before…"

There was a knock on the door and voice that sounded like a certain evil mask.

"… Uka comes back," Brio finished, "Quickly! You guys hide the clones while I answer the door."

Brio's friends nodded before stuffing the clones in the supply closet.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another part of the lab, Rilla Roo sneezed. He had a bad cold today and needed to find some more tissues. He suddenly remembered where they were. The

supply closet!

Brio opened the door to see Uka Uka holding a golden trophy.

"Brio! Buddy!" Uka Uka exclaimed, "I have fantastic news! I won! Hahahaha! I won!"

"That's great Uka Uka!" Brio replied.

"So are you going to let me come in?"

Brio looks over at Dingodile, who gives him a thumbs-up.

"Sure."

"Excellent!"

Uka floats in.

"Now I'm going to go relax in my bedroom," Uka Uka stated before noticing that the supply closet was bulging.

"Something doesn't seem right here," Uka Uka said, observing the door. Suddenly, Rilla Roo bounded towards the supply closet with green goop running out of his nostrils. The

Gorilla-Kangaroo Hybrid reached for the doorknob.

"Rilla Roo! No!" cried Brio but it was too late. The door opened and a sea of blue kangaroo clones rushed forth. Rilla Roo got up to see a box of tissues in hand. Smiling

victoriously, he wandered off.

* * *

Uka Uka surfaced from beneath the pile of clones.

"Brio! What did you do?" he roared. One of the clones ate Uka Uka's award.

"My award! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You're going to get it now, Brio!"

While Uka Uka was screaming at Brio in a colorful language, a clone hits a nearby TNT, making the following explosion blast Uka Uka out of the lair. The Roos laugh crazily

and bounce back and forth and one of them licks Brio's face like a puppy.

* * *

"Nitrus Brio has experienced the randomness of genetically-enhanced kangaroos," said the narrator, "But is this the end of our story, or is our mad scientist friend still in the

Random Zo-"

The narrator is cut of when several Ripper Roo clones jump on him. One of them looks at the "camera" and licks the lens.

* * *

PSManiac: Well, that's it! See you soon! Bye! Go now! Buh-bye! _Go. Now._ Oh! And revi- (gets tackled by Ripper Roo clones.) 


	9. Mining Mishap

PSManiac: Hello my peoples! I'm baaaaack! Here is the newest installment of CDD.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Mining Mishap**

"Yes… Uh huh… Okay…" Ratsputin spoke into his cell phone.

"Yes… Of course… and hold the anchovies," he instructed before hanging up and turning to his caged prisoners.

"Okay, now that I had ordered pizza, I will now tell my master of your…"

"Ratsputin!" called the voice of N. Terdimensional from a nearby speaker.

"Have you captured the bandicoots?"

"Yes sir! Two bandicoots and a mystical witchdoctor mask, just like you said."

"Two? There are three bandicoots!"

At this outburst, Ratsputin shrunk in a corner.

"Don't worry sir, what difference could one bandicoot make?"

"You're right. What difference could one bandicoot make? Just as long as he is not Crash Bandicoot."

"Err…"

"You did capture Crash Bandicoot, didn't you?"

"Um... no."

"What! Do you know what that bandicoot is capable of? The mere mention of that miserable marsupial would make even the finest super villain lubricate their pants! That is

what he is capable of!"

Suddenly, a huge tentacle lashed out of a nearby window a stuck the speaker, destroying it. Out of the newly broken window came a very familiar hero, Crash Bandicoot.

"Crash! You're okay!" Coco cried out. Crash grinned in a Crash-like way and his released his family. The four of them hugged, with the exception of Aku Aku due to his

armless state.

"How did 'ya survive that giant squid?" Crunch asked, "And what's with the giant tentacle sticking through the window?"

"I know!" said Coco, "Let's use the power of the flashback!"

Crash struggled to escape the giant squid's grip. There must be something he can do! But what? What? What! What can Crash Bandicoot do? Is this his end?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Gets smacked by an oar) Ow! Oops… sorry about that. I nearly lost it there. Hehe. Ahem… well… anyway, Crash noticed something on

the creature's side. It was a spike from a sea urchin. Crash reached forward and pulled it out. Without the pointy object in his buttock, the squid finally calmed down and

decided to help Crash save his family. This is getting boring, cue the dancing monkeys! Haha! Dance, my monkeys! Dance! Hahaha- (Gets hit by an oar) Ow! Would you stop

it with the oars?

"Wow," mumbled Crunch, "that author is very annoying, isn't he?"

"You fools!" Ratsputin screamed while pointing to the water rising up to his knees, "I'll never get those water stains out! And I had the new carpet installed, too. Robots!

Destroy the bandicoots!"

At the diminutive lab rat's demand, dozens of mouse-like Interdroids appeared out of nowhere. Crash, Coco, Crunch, and Aku Aku all did a group gulp, even though Aku Aku

has no throat.

* * *

Hairy's Diggertron blasted all sorts of rockets and lasers at the N-Team. 

"Muahahaha!" Hairy laughed as he went trigger-happy on his foes. The four "heroes" quickly slid behind a rock.

"This isn't working!" Cortex whispered, "We're losing and it's only our second boss! Counting that giant spider, of course."

"I got an idea, Doctor Cortex!" N. Gin replied, taking out a book "We can use the Crash Dimension Dilemma Walkthrough!"

They flipped through the walkthrough, analyzing every page down to the punctuation marks.

"Does did photo of me make me look fat?" asked Cortex.

"Quickly!" whispered Tropy, "Find that boss page before Hairy…"

He wasn't able to finish his sentence, because the rock they were hiding behind got vaporized, revealing Hairy in his Diggertron with a glowing laser pointed at the four of them.

"… comes back," Tropy finished, "Run away!"

The N- Team scampered left and right, near and far, and up and down.

"I found it!" cried N. Gin, who was looking in the walkthrough.

"His weak spot is the propeller!"

"Got it!" Cortex confirmed. He ran up to the Diggertron, with his laser primed and in slow motion.

"What are you doing?" asked Nina.

"Running in slow motion," her uncle answered, "It's to build up the dramatic tension. Okay! Fine, I'll do it. You don't have to do the Monty Python 'Get on with it' line."

N. Gin turned to the Monty Python cast.

"Sorry guys," he apologized, "Not today."

The cast turned away and walked off, grumbling. Cortex dived and blasted the propeller. The Diggertron spun around, blasting lasers everywhere before it finally crashed in the

middle of the arena. A crystal flew out of the Diggertron and Tropy caught it.

"Oh no!" Hairy gasped as he saw the N- Team charge at him.

"Uh… gotta go!" he exclaimed before teleporting away. The villainous heroes skidded to a halt.

"He's gone!" Nina pointed, "When I get my hands on that weasel, he is so gonna get it!"

Suddenly, acid began spilling into the arena. N. Gin fiddled with the Diggertron's control panel.

"Guys!" he called, "I think that the Diggertron is still working!"

The four of them hopped on and rode their way out of there.

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma… 

The Bandicoots fight Ratsputin and his army of Interdroid Ratbots. Also, the N- Team, with their new Diggertron, attempt to escape the collapsing Mole Mines. What will

happen? I'm not going to tell you yet. Wait till next time in **Chapter Nine: Aquatic Annoyances**!

Warning: Reading this next chapter may cause but is not limited to side-splitting laughter, constipation, diarrhea, constipational diarrhea, spleen implosion, laughing out loud, hot

flashes, flashbacks, the monkey disease, swelling at the esophagus, and reviewing. Do not read Chapter Nine with a live badger in your mouth while dancing the Macarena.

Please, consult your doctor before reading the next chapter to see if Chapter Nine is right for you. On second thought, not even a doctor can help you. So go ahead and read

away!

* * *

PSManiac: Review! Or I'll 'Get on with it' you! 


	10. Aquatic Annoyances

PSManiac: Hello my loyal readers! PSManiac here with the newest chapter to Crash: Dimension Dilemma. News Alert! Exclusively to my bio page is a guide to the 0th

Dimension. It's more interesting than funny, but you can still read it. Watch out for updates to the guide. I don't own stuff that is not owned by me. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Aquatic Annoyances**

The bandicoots fought valiantly through the hordes of Ratsputin's robots. But when one robot goes down, two take its place. Hope seemed bleak for our heroes.

"There's too many of them!" Crunch yelled, punching one of the robots, "Now I'm going to miss my soaps!"

His comrades looked at him questionly.

"I mean… wrestling! Yeah… wrestling… hehe."

Suddenly, one of their crystals began glowing brightly and floated into the air. It zapped Crunch's bionic arm and dropped into Crash's hands. There was a bright flash of

light. Wow, it's bright. Ahh! It's too bright! My eyes! They burn! I've gone blind! How come I'm typing when I'm blind! It doesn't make any sense! Ahh!

Anyway, as the light faded, Crunch's arm had transformed into a laser canon.

"Wow," he said as his friends' jaws hit the floor. Crunch pointed his new arm canon at the army of robots and fired. About half of the robots got obliterated into tiny

particles.

"C'mon!" Aku Aku yelled, "To the squid while they are distracted!"

The heroes raced over to the squid, jumped on, and swam away.

"You won't getaway that easily!" Ratsputin proclaimed. The lab rat grabbed the steering wheel of the submarine and turned the ignition. Nothing happened.

"Stupid piece of junk!" Ratsputin screamed, and then he kicked the dashboard. He may have smashed his toes on the dashboard's metallic surface, but he got the sub

working. He grabbed the wheel once again and raced after the bandicoots.

The bandicoots zigged and zagged through the ocean and into some underwater ruins with Ratsputin hot on their heels. Well, technically the phrase is hot on their heels and

tentacles but you get the same basic idea. Well, Aku Aku has no heels so technically-

"Get on with it!"

Alright! Anyway, Ratputin's submarine inched closer to the bandicoot's giant squid. Next, they entered a huge dome with absolutely positively absotiveposilutely no exits.

"I have you now!" cried Ratsputin. He pushed a big red button on the dashboard only to turn on the sub's headlights.

"No, that's not it," he murmured as he pushed a big green button. This activated the windshield wipers which are completely useless on a submarine. After pushing the blue,

orange, purple, yellow, grey, black, white, indigo, and periwinkle buttons, Ratsputin finally turned around to see a huge, flashing button right behind him with a sign above it

that said, "You push this button, stupid!"

"Oh yeah! That button!" he said before pushing it. Insert Transformers theme song here as the submarine transforms into a giant robot. The squid swam around the huge

room with the Scubabot blasting torpedoes at them.

"What should we do?" Coco asked frantically. Crunch looked at his arm cannon and said, "I have a plan that so crazy that it's genius! Well, just crazy… but it's still the only

plan we've got. Charge toward the robot!"

"Do you have water in your brain?" Aku Aku asked, "We can't go near that thing! It'll kill us!"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Well…" Aku Aku stated before Crunch started pulling at the mask's feathers.

"Okay! Okay! We'll do your plan!" Aku Aku screamed in pain.

"Crash!" Crunch said, "Steer us toward the robot."

Crash saluted his comrade and steered the beast towards the robot.

"So that how you want to play, huh?" Ratsputin sneered as he charged towards the squid.

"Just a little closer," Crunch muttered with his arm pointed at the robot. I can't watch but I have to! They charged closer , and closer, and… closer? Sigh Are they there yet?

Starts reading a book Closer, and closer… yadda yadda yadda. Puts book down And then, Crunch's arm cannon pressed against the robot's torso and blasted a gaping

hole in the robot, and then the squid slipped through the mentioned hole.

"Uh oh," Ratsputin said.

"Systems failing, Systems failing," said a computerized voice, "Also, we are out of mayonnaise."

"Curse you bandicoots, giant squid, and floating mask guy!" Ratsputin yelled in anger before teleporting away. The submarine exploded and out of the explosion came a

power crystal.

"It's a power crystal!" Crunch exclaimed as he grabbed the purple stone. Suddenly, the ruins began to shake to collapse.

"We got to get out of here!" Coco cried. Crunch blasted a hole in the roof and swam through it, safe and sound.

Later, the bandicoots landed on a beach. Their hi-tech scuba suits disappeared once they stepped on the shore. As soon as all of them were on the beach, the squid waved

goodbye and swam away.

"Crash," said Coco, "Do you have your guidebook, because Aku Aku, Crunch, and I kinda left ours on the submarine."

Crash holds his guidebook up triumphantly, only to get it snatched a torn up by a huge eagle.

"I guess we will never find out about this new island," Crunch said.

"It's called Tropica," Aku Aku answered.

"How did you know that?" asked Coco, "Is it some kind of mystical mask telepathic link?"

"No, I just read that sign over there," Aku Aku said, floating over to a sign that said, "Welcome to Tropica, home to the Tropica Lemmings."

* * *

Meanwhile, Cortex and his minions rode through a collapsing, acid-filled mine on Hairy Mole's flying Diggertron.

"Are we there yet?" Nina asked in a bored fashion.

"We'll get there when we get there!" Cortex grumbled, avoiding a giant, falling drilling machine.

"This is it! We're all gonna die!" N. Gin screamed. Tropy slapped him and said, "We can get through this. But, it is very important that we don't panic."

Then, he sees a giant tsunami of acid coming straight at them.

"Panic!" he screamed. The Diggertron zoomed up a shaft with the flow of acid following them. The Diggertron hurled out of the shaft, into daylight, and crash-landed on a

desert floor. The acid flowed down a deep canyon.

At the bottom of the canyon, squirrel dressed as a cowboy finally finished the log house that took three years to build. He just needed to hammer in one more nail to be

officially done. He turned his back to pick up his hammer. When he turned back around, he saw that acid had dissolved the house into nothing. He threw his hat on the

ground and stamped on it.

Cortex crawled up from the wreckage, only to be hoisted off the ground by the collar of his lab coat. He found himself facing a huge, angry lizard with brown scales, red

stripes, and a lobster claw for a right hand. The said claw was at the time gripping onto Cortex's collar. Behind the lizard were five other reptiles, all of them looking angry.

"Look at what yer flyin' machine did," the lizard said, turning Cortex's head at the crash. Indeed, below what was once the Diggertron was what was once a hover bike. But

both were now a single pile of bent metal, rubber, and duct tape.

"Get out of town or meet me in front of tha' ol' clocktower," the lizard growled, "If 'ya know what's best for 'ya."

The huge reptile threw Cortex on the ground and rode away on hover bikes with the other five reptiles. Cortex's minions stood up amongst the pile of metal. Cortex asked,

"Who was that?"

"Why, that was Gila Lobster," said a nearby weasel that was dressed as a Hillbilly, "and the Six-Pun Gang. They're the root-tootiest, poop-pootiest, koop-lootiest, troop-

foofiest gang from here to Hickoryburg.

"Okay… so who are you?" Cortex asked. The weasel shook Cortex's gloved hand rapidly.

"Why, I'm Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe Richard Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter Liam Linus

James Tomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton Gene Weasellotti III," he said, "And I oughta' welcome 'ya and yer friends over 'thar to Graniteton in

the West World."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

The bandicoots continue on their journey as they discover the mysteries of Tropica, making new friends along the way. Cortex and his minions will face the fearsome Gila

Lobster and the Six-Pun Gang in the West World. With N. Terdimensional watching their every move, who knows what might happen in **Chapter Ten: Mild, Mild West**.

* * *

PSManiac: I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "Thou shalt reviewith!" 


	11. Mild, Mild West

PSManiac: Howdy readers! PSManiac here, with the latest chapter to Dimension Dilemma. Idiocy, randomness, and protein shakes that smell like a pair of Tiny's old

socks will ensue in this chapter. Crash: Dimension Dilemma is property to PSManiac. PSManiac is not responsible for any nausea, hyperventilating, or side-splitting

laughter that is caused by this story. Apply directly to the funny bone. Results may vary. PSManiac does not own anything. Please continue to read the story without

a live badger in your mouth while dancing the Macarena. If you are wondering, yes I am insane. Enjoy the hilarity!

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Mild, Mild West**

The bandicoot heroes trudged through the jungles of Tropica. They were tired, hungry, and slightly constipated.

"I'm so tired," Crunch gasped, "Coco, how long have we been in this jungle?"

She checked her watch.

"Two and a half minutes," she answered. Suddenly, Crash tripped over a rock and tumbled down a hill.

"Crash!" his friends called as they raced after him. It wasn't long before Crash collided with a tree at the bottom of a hill. Then, the tree _moved_.

"What in the name of Don Knots is going on here?" Aku Aku asked.

In fact, the tree wasn't a tree, but the lag of a huge brontosaurus. The dinosaur looked down at the bandicoots before saying, "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here,"

and return to his tree leaf meal.

The bandicoots looked around the giant lizard to see a grassy field filled with dinosaurs. Insert Jurassic Park theme here.

"Wow," The bandicoots muttered in unison.

They gazed at the dinosaur herds. There were Pterodactyls, Triceratopses, Brontosauruses, Tyrannosauruses, Larry Kings, and many more.

Suddenly, a blast of plasma whooshed over the bandicoots' heads. The dinosaurs, scared, fled away from the source of the plasma shot. The before mentioned

source was, in fact, a tall blue lizard creature armed to the fangs with ammo.

"Who in the name of buttered gravy are you?" Crunch asked.

"Funny you should ask, bandicoot," the walking pile of weaponry replied in a distinctly Australian accent, "I am the herald of hunters, the wizard of weapons, the

accountant of ammunition, the king of KO's, the Earl of extermination, the lord of lock and load, the prince of plasma, the sultan of sting, the guru of guns, the real

estate agent of-"

"Get on with it!"

"Okay! I am the legendary bounty hunter… Nigel."

"Nigel?" Aku Aku asked, "Not a very good name for a bounty hunter."

"Apparently, I was on PSManiac's stupid name list," Nigel explained, "But hey, he _was_ going to call me Paul, and that's _way_ worse than Nigel."

"True," Coco commented, "We are going through loads of fourth walls in this story, aren't we? We're going to run out soon and then we have to break the

nonexistent fifth wall, but that's less fun."

"Back to the story," Nigel said, "I am hunting you for two reasons. First, N. Terdimensional put a pretty price on your heads."

He threw the bandicoots a poster that was tied to a brick. It hit Aku on the noggin and knocked him out. Coco picked up the brick and looked at the poster along

with Crash and Crunch. Printed on the front of the poster was a picture of the four of them with "Wanted" in large letters at the top and "To be destroyed" in smaller

letters below that.

"Three hundred million Zeroids (the 0th Dimension's currency, and 300 million Zeroids are only about five bucks) for each of you, dead or alive, but preferably dead,"

Nigel stated, "And reason number two is because bandicoots and magical witch doctor masks are very rare in the 0th Dimension, so what a catch that would that

be!"

"So what now?" Aku Aku asked.

"Well, I'm going to capture you, kill you, hand your corpses over to N. Terdimensional, collect the reward money, and then buy a flying mansion over the Wet Sea."

"You'll never succeed!" Coco declared, "Crash has faced way tougher enemies than you and won, right Crash?"

Crash nodded.

"Until today!" Nigel stated, "Zivax! Carl! Get them!"

Two obviously vicious raptors jumped out of the jungle foliage and chased out heroes.

"Run!" Aku Aku screamed, floating away as fast as he can. Then Zivax caught Aku Aku in his mouth.

"Aku Aku!" Coco called, fighting off Carl with a stick. Suddenly, Zivax's eyes went wide. He dropped Aku Aku and ran away, yelping in pain. Carl followed Zivax after

getting bopped in the noggin several times because of Coco's mighty stick. The heroes ran over to Aku Aku.

"Are you okay?" Crunch asked.

"Fine," Aku Aku answered while getting to his feet. But he doesn't have feet so he just floated up.

"What made that raptor run away?" Coco asked. Aku Aku smiled.

"Splinters," he said, "Being made of wood does have its advantages."

"You still have me to mess with," Nigel called as he jumped down in front of the bandicoots.

"After all," he said, whipping out several heavily dangerous weapons, "I do love the smell of fried bandicoot in the morning."

"But it's three in the afternoon," Coco pointed out.

"Fried bandicoot in the afternoon, then," he corrected himself.

"Wait, no, my watch is broken. I have no idea what time it is."

"You just had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

"… Yes."

* * *

Meanwhile, the N-Team was sitting in a saloon with that weasel guy, Billy Bob. Nina was slurping down her milkshake, Neo was talking to Billy Bob, Tropy was tuning

his stick-

"It's a scepter!"

What ever… and N. Gin was busy amusing himself by spinning around on a revolving bar stool.

"Ya see, ol' Gila Lobster and the Six Pun Gang has bin' terrorizing the West World for eva'," Billy Bob told Cortex, "He has robbed trains, stolen bikes, vandalized

statues, jaywalked, and took candy from babies. He has run outta' town every single sheriff this town had. We need someone ta' stop 'im!"

"Sorry," said Cortex, "we can't because we need to find power crystals, not save some puny town in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh! I almost forgit! He has one of those there crystal things y'all had bin babbling about."

"Really?" Cortex asked.

"'Tis true! He uses it ta' fuel his bike, Gravedigga'. And, tha' only way ta' git that crystal is ta' beat 'im in a showdown."

"Hmm… We're in," Cortex confirmed.

"Okie dokie. But are 'ya any good wit a lasa'?"

Oh please," Cortex gloated, whipping out his laser gun, "I'm the tops."

He laser went off without warning and the laser shot bounced up and down the saloon before frying N. Gin's butt.

"Maybe, I'm a little short of the tops?" Cortex said.

"Never tha' less," Billy Bob said, "Ya' are our new sheriff now."

He stuck a sheriff's badge onto Cortex's chest.

"Ouch!" Cortex yelped in pain, "That went into my skin!"

"Can I be your deputy, sir?" N. Gin asked.

"No," Cortex answered.

"Please?"

"I said no."

"Pleeeaase?"

"No!"

"With a cherry on top?"

"No! And I hate cherries!"

"Pretty please?"

"Grr… fine! You're my deputy now!"

"Yay!" N. Gin cheered as he did the robot. Billy Bob stuck a Deputy's badge on N. Gin's chest.

"Ow!" N. Gin yelped in pain, "That went into my skin, too!"

"Honestly, something is wrong with that cyborg," Tropy said to Nina.

"Don't blame him," Nina answered, "Blame the author."

"… Good point there, Nina."

* * *

It was high noon, even though no one knows what high noon means. There was Cortex, in cowboy attire, looking as if he was about to- he did wee his pants. Gila

Lobster walked onto the dirt road, with fiery hatred in his lizard/lobster eyes.

"This is like one of those old western movies," N. Gin commented, chomping on some popcorn, "Do you want some, Tropy?"

The time scientist would say yes, if N. Gin wasn't eating it with his axel grease-covered gloves. He shook his head and N. Gin shrugged.

"More for me then."

Western showdown music filled the background of the West World.

"I don't know where that music is coming from," Tropy said, "And I don't care."

"Yes, I would like to raise my uncle's life insurance," Nina stated on the phone.

"We draw on three," Gila Lobster said, "One… two…two and a half… two and three-fourths… two and seven-eighths…three."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

Our bandicoot heroes face the dreaded bounty hunter Nigel in their race to collect the crystals and gems. Also, the N-Team has a classic western showdown against

Gila Lobster. But what other possibly dangerous mysteries await our heroes in **Chapter Eleven: Idiotic Park**.

* * *

PSManiac: I love cliffhangers, don't you? Be sure to review! That may urge me to update more quickly. Hmm…


	12. Idiotic Park

PSManiac: My people! PSManiac is back with this completely insane eleventh chapter to CDD. A special thanks to Liam4000 for his idea for Gigadroids. Thanks a lot!

His second idea was also… what do you mean he gave only one idea? I've gone Paula Abdul! Help me! Be sure to go onto my Crash Bandicoot forum, RPG Rampage!

Not only does it have a Crash Bandicoot RPG, but fun games and general Crash Bandicoot discussion. It needs subscribers! I do not own anything that has not come

from my insane asylum of a mind. Enjoy the story!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Idiotic Park**

"It's just you, you, you, you, and me," Nigel said, "Not exactly even odds, is it? It's unfair, to you."

Coco did some counting with her fingers.

"Umm," Coco commented, "I don't get it."

Nigel sighed and said, "Just forget about it."

Before you can say "Holy Mind Over Mutant, Batman," Nigel threw metal clamps over Coco, Crunch, and Aku Aku. Crash managed to dodge the fourth metal clamp.

"It's just you and me now, bandicoot!" Nigel snarled, "Mono e mono, even though I have know idea what it means."

Crash wouldn't tell Nigel about the meaning of "Mono e mono," for two reasons. The first reason is that Crash hates Nigel the second reason is that Nigel might

obliterate Crash for being a smart aleck, and the third reason is that Crash can't talk. But that makes three reasons. So the three reasons are that Crash hates

Nigel, Nigel might obliterate Crash for correcting him, Crash can't talk, and Crash might not know either. Of course, that's four reasons. So the four reas-

"Get on with it!"

Fine! Do any of the other authors have to put up with this? I guess it's on with the story, then.

"Gah!" Nigel cried, "In PSManiac's psychotic rant, I forgot my line!"

Nigel whipped out the official Dimension Dilemma script.

"We're on page thirty-two, right?" asked Nigel. Crash nodded in response.

"Umm… aha!" Nigel stated, "Prepare to face my wrath, Crash Bandicoot!"

Nigel looked up to see that Crash had disappeared.

"What?" Nigel asked in confusion.

* * *

In another part of the jungle, Crash was using a sharp rock to try to free Coco from the metal clamp, but to no avail.

"You can do it, Crash!" Coco cheered, "Just use your head."

Crash did use his head, literally.

"Brothers," Coco muttered as Crash massaged his head in pain.

"Where are you, soon-to-be fur carpet?" they heard Nigel call over the trees, "I know that you're somewhere. I can smell your fear. It's lemon scented."

The bounty hunter popped out of the bushes in front of the bandicoots.

"At last, I can finally have that reward money," Nigel said as he walked towards our heroes, "Goodbye bandico-"

He tripped over something. Nigel picked up whatever had sent him down to the ground.

"Stupid round rock," he said, "I hate you."

Suddenly, the round rock opened to reveal a baby dinosaur. That rock was no rock, but an egg.

"Aw, how cute," Nigel stated, "This would make a great appetizer."

Nigel stopped suddenly when he heard a deep growl behind him. He turned around to see a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex. Nigel chuckled nervously, set the baby down,

and slowly backed away.

"Nice dinosaur, nice dinosaur," he said, "Please don't hurt me! I'm armed!"

Nigel whipped out a bazooka and pointed it at the Dinosaur king's face, only to have the barrel of the bazooka bitten off.

"Run for the hills!" Nigel screamed. He ran off with the Mother T-Rex hot on his heels. Crash laughed and looked down to see that Nigel has dropped a remote. Crash

pressed the button on the remote and set his friends free.

"Great job, Crash!" Coco congratulated her brother, giving him a hug. They heard a little barking sound. The bandicoots looked down to see the baby dinosaur at

their feet. It was wagging its tail and it dropped a crystal at the bandicoots' feet. Crash picked up the power crystal and petted the baby's head. The baby dinosaur

proceeded to going behind the burning remains of Nigel's bazooka to do his "business," extinguishing the fire.

"Come on guys," Crunch said, "We'd better get going if we want to get the rest of those crystals."

They left the nest to continue their insane little adventure.

* * *

In another part of the jungle, several Minerdroids (the yellow and black Interdroids) were digging for crystals. They were guarded by several red and black

Interdroids with gas masks for faces and flamethrowers of their arms, Magmadroids.

"Keep digging, lower robots!" boomed a deep, robotic voice.

"Hey, we are in an Interdroid union!" one Minerdroid, Alex, yelled, "In section C, article 7 of the Interdroid contract, party A cannot intentionally cause abuse to party

B of labor unless both parties unanimously agree into a third party which can overrule any statement made by either party. But, if no party can agree on a slice term

of identity, then a new party can-."

Alex was cut off when he got obliterated by a large, muscular, black and silver Interdroid. He had red eyes, a wrist–mounted cannon on its right hand, and a crab

claw for a left hand. This was a Gigadroid.

"Anything the rest of you want to add?" he asked. The rest of the Minerdroids shook their heads.

"Good," he said, "Now get working!"

"Sir!" an Interdroid that appeared said, "The bandicoots have been spotted! They are headed this way!"

"Excellent," the Gigadroid hissed, "It's too bad that the last thing that will go through their minds will be my claw. Bwahahahahaha- Agh! I swallowed a bug. I

hate that!"

* * *

"Draw!" Gila yelled, whipping out his gun. But he stopped because he saw Cortex drawing on a piece of paper.

"That's not what I meant, you large-headed idiot!" Gila roared as he snatched the paper away from Cortex, "Give me that!"

He looked down at the paper and read, "Look… up?"

Gila looked up to see Cortex's laser pointed straight at his forehead.

"I should have seen that coming," he said before he was knocked back by the laser blast that Cortex fired, "You tricked me."

"Well, I am an evil scientist," Cortex stated.

"Aha!" Nina exclaimed, "Pay up, Tropy!"

Tropy grumbled and paid Nina twenty dollars.

Gila fired several shots at Cortex. The mad scientist leaned backwards in a Matrix-like style to avoid the bullets. A loud crack was heard throughout the town.

"Ah!" Cortex gasped, "My back! I need a chiropractor!"

Cortex got his back straightened, thanks to Nina, and he faced his lizard enemy.

"Dance, Cortex, dance!" Gila commanded as he pulled out another gun. Cortex began disco dancing to "Stayin' Alive," complete with a disco ball, platform shoes, and

bellbottoms. Gila couldn't help but laugh at how stupid Cortex looked. Taking the opportunity, Cortex drew his laser gun and shot Gila. Gila Lobster got up, shaking,

and hopped onto his motorbike.

"I'll be back Cortex! And ya'll will rue the day that ya' messed wit' me!" Gila said, "Bwahahahahahahaha!"

Unfortunately, Gila wasn't looking where he was going and drove off a nearby cliff. The N- Team rushed to the edge of the cliff and looked down, but Gila Lobster had

disappeared. The rest of the Six-Pun Gang ran away from the town and were never heard from again. The rest of the town began cheering and chanted, "Cortex!

Cortex! Cortex!"

Billy Bob ran up to Cortex to shake his hand.

"Ya' actually saved tha' town!" he said, "And I know how ta' repay ya'!"

He gave Cortex a power crystal.

"I also got a train ta get ya'll to the next world, Gaseous!"

"Thanks!" Cortex said.

Later, the N- Team was riding in the caboose of the train to Gaseous. Neo was asleep, Tropy was reading the "0th Times," N. Gin was looking at the scenery out the

window, and Nina was sitting on a chair in a bored fashion. They had been riding for several hours. N. Gin shook Cortex awake.

"What is it N. Gin?" Cortex asked, obviously not very happy about his midmorning nap being interrupted.

"Is the rest of the train supposed to be leaving without us?" N. Gin asked.

"No, not really," Cortex answered as he went back to sleep, and then his eyes shot open, "What!"

He rushed to the window to see that the rest of the train was leaving without them. All of them rushed outside and tried to call the train back, but to no avail. Tropy

covered Nina's ears as Neo began jumping up and down, screaming colorfully. He was done after about ten minutes.

"I guess it's on foot from here," N. Gin said. Nina cracked an evil smile.

"Not necessarily," she said.

* * *

"C'mon! Put your back into it!" Nina commanded from the caboose. Neo, N. Gin, and Tropy were grudgingly pushing the caboose down the tracks.

"Remind me, Tropy," Cortex said, "Why are we doing this again?"

"We'll rest after this next cactus!" Nina informed them.

"She said that seven cacti ago," said Tropy, "And we _still_ didn't get a break."

* * *

Gila woke up to find himself in a large, metal room. He got up and saw a lizard-guy that was armed to the teeth with weaponry.

"Welcome, my guests," said a voice, "I am Professor N. Terdimensional. You have been chosen because of your talents in the hunt for the Bandicoots and the N-

Team. Your rewards will be great. Will you join me? Together, will will destroy those _heroes_. "

A pile of gold appeared before the villains.

"You're a pile of gold?" Nigel asked.

"No, the pile of gold is the reward," N. Terdimensional corrected him.

"I'll join then!" Nigel stated.

Gila Lobster picked up a gold coin and grinned evilly.

"I'll join you little club, too."

* * *

Next time on **Crash: Dimension Dilemma**,

The bandicoots venture on through Tropica unaware of the Gigadroid's evil plot. The N- Team will try to make it through the West World's hostile desert, coming face-

to-face with a certain evil bat. What will happen? Find out in **Chapter Twelve: Arabian Fights**.

* * *

PSManiac: Review guys! And remember to keep ideas coming in, either in reviews or in the forum. See you next time!


	13. Arabian Fights

PSManiac: The twelfth chapter everybody! Thanks to Captain Liam.4000, Christopher Mason, and CrashFad13 for their suggestions. Keep those ideas rolling in! I

own nothing that I didn't create myself. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Arabian Fights**

Our marsupial heroes have not gotten past three feet before several spears were being pointed at them. Gripping those spears were several armor-clad dinosaurs.

One of the dinosaurs, an Iguanodon, spoke something to the bandicoots in a strange language.

"What was that?" Coco asked, only to have the spear pointed closer towards her nose, "Never mind."

"You'll have to excuse my friend," said a nearby Pakisaurus, "He does not speak your language. I am Professor R. J. Sauroski of the Saurius tribe. My colleague was

asking if you are one of N. Terdimensional's… brutish minions."

"No, we hate that guy," Crunch answered.

"Well that's very good then," Sauroski said, "We were going to rip your hides off and burn them as we feed on your dead remains. Imagine that!"

Crash puked in his mouth.

"Anyway," Sauroski said, "We'd better get to Newt York City, because the jungle can get very dangerous at night."

"But Saurstein," Coco said.

"It's Sauroski," Sauroski corrected.

"Yeah, okay. It isn't anywhere near sunset, yet."

The sun sets at a very fast rate.

"… Never mind."

* * *

An hour later the bandicoots, with their dinosaur escorts, arrived at a huge, closed gate. Sauroski stepped up.

"I'll handle this," he said, "I know the secret knock!"

Sauroski knocked on the door in several complex combinations before a dinosaur guard appeared at the door.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" the guard yelled, "There's no secret knock!"

"Sorry," Sauroski apologized to the guard. They entered the gate and found themselves at a huge, bustling metropolis filled with dinosaurs.

"This is Newt York City," Sauroski stated, "The capital of Tropica!"

"Wow…" the four heroes mumbled in awe.

"Come on," said Sauroski, "I'll find you a place to stay."

* * *

They soon came to the Three Horns Motel. The four of them got their own room, except each room wasn't in the best condition. The ceilings of their rooms were

falling apart, the window's view was of the east brick wall of Uncle Spike's Fish and Chips Emporium, and Crunch even found a candy bar in the mini-fridge, before it

hissed at him and slithered away. The bandicoots met in the motel's buffet on the ground floor.

"Not the best living conditions," Coco said, "I haven't felt this nauseous since Twinsanity!"

Crash walked up to the buffet bar to get some food, before a tentacle lashed out of the Sloppy Joes and took his tray. Aku Aku looked at Crash and then at the

other bandicoots and said, "How about we go out to eat?"

Before they could respond, the buffet shook violently. The bandicoots rushed outside to see that the city was being attacked by Interdroids. The bandicoots leapt

into battle and fought off the Interdroid hordes. They stopped when they got surrounded by several Magmadroids.

"We're surrounded!" Crunch pointed out. Then he got an idea. Well, there's a first time for everything.

"Stop mocking me!"

Okay! Just don't taze me bro'! Crunch picked up his friends as the Magmadroids prepared to fire. Just as they fired, Crunch pointed his arm cannon at the floor and

blasted it. The bandicoots were set rocketing into the air and the Magmadroids accidentally fired their weapons at each other, getting destroyed in the process. The

four of them landed and exchanged high-fives.

"Well, well… Looks like as if the four of you have learned a few tricks on your escapades," A booming voice stated.

"Tell us who you are!" Crunch commanded.

"Very well," the voice said, "Look to the city's tallest building."

They looked to their left.

"I meant the _other_ tallest building."

They looked to their right to see a huge black Interdroid on top of a skyscraper, Gigadroid. Gigadroid jumped down, turned into a huge sphere, rolled down the

street, and turned back into a robot.

"I am Gigadroid," he said, "Not only am I the latest achievement in Interdroid technology, but I am also the latest achievement in bringing you doom!

Bwahahahahahahah- Agh! A bug went in my mouth! Not again! Always during the evil laugh! Always!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the N- Team was resting near to the caboose. They all had frowns on their faces because their hopes of coming back home seemed dashed. N. Gin

looked at his "friends" frowning faces.

"I know what will cheer us up!" N. Gin chirpily said.

"What would that possibly be?" Cortex mumbled.

N. Gin whipped out an accordion and yelled, "Accordion music!"

He began playing the accordion, rather badly, up until the point that Neo got so annoyed that he snatched the accordion out of N. Gin's hands, threw it into the air,

and zapped it with his ray gun.

"Finally," Cortex sighed in relief. Then N. Gin started playing the bagpipe. The same fate as the accordion met the bagpipe. N. Gin whipped out a banjo, and Cortex

began crying hysterically in the fetal position.

"N. Gin, where did you get all of these instruments?" Tropy asked.

"I bought them from that town over there," N. Gin answered. Cortex looked up from his emotional breakdown.

"A town?" he asked, "What town?"

"That town, Zigzagrabah" N. Gin answered, pointing to an Arabian-like town two feet in front of the N-Team.

"I can't believe we didn't notice that," Neo said.

* * *

Later, our villainous heroes were wandering down the sandy streets of Zigzagrabah. Merchants were busy selling goods to customers who were walking down the

streets.

"Hey guys! Look at what I bought!" N. Gin chirped. He held up a cage with two parakeets in it.

"Get us out of here!" Viktor yelled, shaking the bars of the cage, "Isn't one cameo enough?"

"Look Viktor!" Moritz called, "This thin black and white stuff tastes great! What is it called?"

"Newspaper," Viktor answered. Moritz looked at the newspaper, and then at Viktor, and continued eating. He held some out and asked, "Do you want some?"

Viktor shook his head and began pounding his forehead against the bars of the cage.

* * *

A hooded figure snuck through the crowded streets of Zigzagrabah. He walked up to a merchant.

"Hello there, hooded one, I am Yasoon," the merchant said in greeting, "What may I do for you this… very hot day?"

"I vant to purchase that thermos," The hooded guy said in a Transylvanian accent, pointing at a rusty, metallic, and slightly dented thermos. Yasoon studied it

carefully.

"I'll give you the thermos for," Yasoon said, "I carry the one and then it's… four hundred Zeroids."

"Vhat?" the hooded figure yelped in surprise, "Vour hundred Zeroids vor this piece of junk?"

"It's a very rare piece of junk," Yasoon said. Seconds later, the hooded figure has taken the thermos, and stuffed Yasoon down a very small and very narrow pot.

"Okay then, have a nice day," Yasoon said, his voice slightly muffled by the pot.

* * *

Cortex and his minions continued to wander the city to a more deserted part of town. Suddenly, Neo saw the sand move.

"Did that patch of sand just move?" he asked to no one in particular.

What happened next was that brown and yellow Interdroids with blue eyes and rapiers (a type of sword) for hands appeared from beneath the sand. These were

Dunedroids. The N- Team fought the Dunedroids and after a few bruises, they won. The hooded figure appeared before the evil heroes.

"Vell done, Cortexes," he said as he lowered his hood, "I am Count Fangula. I believe that you have met my employer, N. Terdimensional."

"You're that bat creep at N. Terdimensional's lab!" Nina pointed out.

"Very good, twerp," Fangula said, "And now to present to you a little gift, from my master."

"It's Christmas already?" N. Gin asked.

"It's a bit like Christmas," Fangula said, "except it is ze exact opposite."

"That was my line from Twinsanity!" Cortex scolded. Fangula ignored Cortex and rubbed the thermos. The cap of the thermos shot off and a swirling vortex emerged

from the thermos.

"Come forth!" Fangula called, "Genie of ze Thermos, Salami Kebab!"

Out of the thermos came a mixture between a grizzly bear and a cheetah. It had brown fur, cheetah spots, a grizzly bear's head, a yellow cheetah tail, and golden

cheetah eyes. He wore a red fez, a purple vest with gold lining around the edges, red shoulder pads, a red belt, and white baggy pants.

"At last I, Salami Kebab, am free from my soupy prison!" he roared.

"Now you must grant my three vishes," Fangula commanded. Salami looked down at Fangula and laughed.

"Fool!" he bellowed, "I am no genie! I am a Djinn! It's like a genie, but doesn't grant wishes and is much nastier."

He picked up Fangula and flicked him with his index finger many miles away from the city.

"Now nothing shall stop the great Salami Kebab from ruling all worlds!" the Djinn stated.

"We can stop you!" Cortex called. Salami looked down at the four mortals.

"Since you are so eager," Salami said, "I guess we could make a bet."

"What are the conditions?" Cortex asked.

"If the four of you can defeat me with only half of my power, then I will be trapped in the thermos forever and I'll even throw in a power crystal," he said, "but if I

win, then you will be my slaves forever! Do we have a deal?"

Cortex thought for a moment and shook the evil Djinn's hand.

"It's a deal."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

The bandicoots fight the evil Gigadroid in Newt York City. Also the Cortexes gamble for their lives against the evil Djinn, Salami Kebab. Can you believe that this is

happening? Can you believe that there are two epic battles? Can you believe it's not butter? Find out what will happen in

**Chapter Thirteen: Ah! Robot!**

PSManaic: Review and Suggest! Please? (gets stuffed in a pot)


	14. Ah! Robot!

PSManiac: Hello my people! Fans! Reviewers! Readers! Rejoice! For the Thirteenth chapter has come on this… Friday the

13th? Wow! Talk about bad luck, huh? I am here to announce that this story shall have two more sequels, making it a

trilogy! Also, special thanks to CrashFad13 and Christopher Mason for their ideas that are in this chapter. I own nothing that

I didn't create myself. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Ah! Robot!**

Gigadroid spat out the annoying insect from the last chapter and turned to the bandicoots.

"Prepare to be destroyed, bandicoots!" he hollered as he turned back into a sphere and charged at them. Our heroes dove

out of the way of the black ball of certain doom.

"Leave us alone you metal freak!" Coco yelled.

"I guess I'll spare you," Gigadroid said the obvious pun. He rolled after the bandicoots again, missed, ricocheted off a

building, and turned back into a robot as he landed. He aimed his arm cannon and began firing at the bandicoots. Crunch

picked up a car and used it as a shield to block the blasts of energy. Crunch threw the car at Gigadroid, only to have the

huge robot's claw catch it and break it in half.

* * *

A dinosaur watched the battle from the sidewalk. He picked up his cell phone and said, "Yeah, about that car insurance…"

* * *

Gigadroid chased after Crash. Our favorite bandicoot hero dove into a hole in the street. Gigadroid smashed the hole with his

claw only to have Crash pop up in a nearby hole. He smashed that one only to have Crash pop up in a third hole. He

smashed that one as Crash popped back to the first hole. Several smashes and pops later, Gigadroid smashed two of the

holes with both of his hands. He smirked as Crash popped up in the remaining hole. Then he realized something. It wasn't

his true purpose like some sort of story with a moral, or a sense of sanity. What he realized was that he was _stuck_. He

struggled a bit, but to no avail. Crash, seeing the chance to strike, jumped and spun Gigadroid's head. The robot became

free when the orange marsupial spun his noggin, but it still hurt. Aku Aku created a body out of the rubble and charged to

fight Gigadroid. He was hurled back because the large robot blasted several missiles at Aku Aku. Coco kicked Gigadroid in the

head while he was distracted. Aku shot stone spikes at Gigadroid, piercing the robot's armor. Crunch blasted Gigadroid with

his arm cannon.

"I'm losing?" he asked, "How could this happen?"

"Umm…" Coco said, "You're a bad guy in a Crash Bandicoot fan fiction."

Crash delivered the final blow to Gigadroid's head. It flew off, landed in the street, and exploded. In its place was a crystal.

Crash picked up the crystal and held it up triumphantly before storing it in his bottomless pockets. (How else is he supposed

to store all those crystals?) Coco walked up to the still standing Gigadroid body. She poked it lightly with her index finger and

the armor fell apart.

"I guess that's the last of Gigadroid," said Crunch.

"Look over there!" Aku announced, "The citizens of Newt York are coming to congratulate us!"

"I don't know, Aku," Coco said in a worried tone, "Judging by the pitchforks and flaming torches, I believe that is an angry

mob."

"Why would they be an angry mob?" Crunch asked. Coco pointed at the now destroyed downtown Newt York.

Crunch stared at the ruins and mumbled, "Oh…"

"Run for it!" Aku Aku called. They began running away from the furious group of dinosaurs.

* * *

A few hours later the bandicoots finally escaped the angry mob. The wondered the dark jungle until they have come to a cliff

at the edge of Tropica. Across from the cliff was another floating island. This one was covered in swampland. Connecting

these two islands was a narrow, rickety bridge of wooden planks, wooden poles, and rope. The bandicoots slowly crept

across the old bridge.

"What ever you do," Coco advised, "Don't look down."

Crash looked down to see that the bottom of the chasm was covered in very sharp spikes. Crash puked in his mouth just like

in the last chapter. He looked back to see that all of the planks behind him has broken off and fallen into the spiky pit. He

gulped deeply and continued on, only to realize that an Interdroid at the other island's end of the bridge was sawing off the

supporting ropes.

"Oh no!" Coco gasped, "What do we do?"

All hope seemed lost when… nothing happened.

"Stupid saw," the Interdroid, Lawrence, muttered. Indeed, the saw was as blunt as a bowling ball.

"Hmm…" he said before taking out his arm cannon, "I'll just blast it, then."

Aku Aku turned to his friends.

"We have to stop him," he said, "We have to use our heads on this one."

Crash looked at Aku Aku and grinned.

Moments later, Aku Aku was whooshing through the air yelling, "Not _my_ head!"

The wooden mask collided with the robot and both became unconscious.

"Hoorah!" Coco cheered.

"Uh, Coco," Crunch said as he pointed to the rope. It was about to break!

"Run!" Coco screamed. They began to run for the lives across the bridge. The rope snapped, the bridge fell, and the

bandicoots began screaming, and screaming, and screaming some more. Soon the bandicoots realized that they weren't

dying. Coco turned around.

"Hey guys, look!" she said, "We made it to the other side!"

Crash looked to see that they we on the other island. He then turned around to see that the bridge had gone. He screamed

again.

"Snap outta it!" Crunch yelled, picking Crash up and shaking him violently. A rather dizzy Crash gave Crunch two thumps-up.

Aku Aku slowly floated up.

"Wha… What happened?" he asked.

"We made it to the other side of the bridge," Coco stated. Lawrence tried to strangle Crunch, but he just grabbed the robot

and threw him into the chasm. There was a loud crash and you can just hear Lawrence yell, "I'm okay!"

The bridge, which had gotten snagged on a branch, fell on Lawrence.

"I'm still okay!" he called.

* * *

The bandicoots soon came to a large door.

"How do we get through?" Coco asked, looking at the padlock on the door. Crunch stepped up to the door and used all his

strength to try to open the gateway, but it didn't even budge.

"It's impossible," he said, panting heavily and covered in sweat. Crash walked up to the door and lightly pushed it. The door

opened wide.

"Well, I loosened it!" Crunch said.

* * *

Cortex jumped out of the way of a fireball that Salami has thrown at him. Nina tried to punch the Djinn, but he just

teleported out of the way.

"It's like making an evil plan that actually works!" Neo stated, "It's impossible!"

Neo noticed that Tropy was sitting at the sidelines, reading a book.

"Tropy!" Neo roared, "Why are you reading a book at a time like this?"

"It's the **Dimension Dilemma** Walkthrough book," Tropy answered, "I have found out how to defeat this guy! His weakness

is the thermos!"

"Lord Cortex!" N. Gin called, "We could use some help right about now!"

N. Gin used the missile launcher in his back pocket to fire missiles at Salami, but the Djinn's magic made the missiles chase

after N. Gin. By then, N. Gin was running away from the rouge missiles like a baboon with diarrhea sprinting to the toilet.

"Ha ha ha!" Salami laughed, "I hadn't had this much fun in ten thousand years! Back then, I had cursed that McCain guy.

Good times, good times."

Neo took careful aim and blasted the thermos. A large crack appeared on the container, and Salami roared in pain.

"How dare you!" he roared at the mad scientist. A huge gust of wind that Salami conjured up knocked Cortex off his feet and

through a glue factory, a hen house, and a red rubber glove emporium before finally ending up at a McDonald's.

* * *

After narrowly escaping being served with fries and a soda, Neo rejoined his team in the fight.

"As you can see, mortals," Salami stated, "You will never win, and soon all worlds shall be wrapped in chaos! You all shall be

my sla-"

He was cut off when Tropy zapped the thermos.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Salami commanded, "Especially when I was-"

N. Gin's missile hit it.

"Now listen here," Salami bellowed, "You will stop this nonsense right now or I will have to-"

Nina punched the thermos with her fists.

"Please! Don't do that!" Salami begged, "One more hit and I'm done for! I have a wife and three kids! Well, not really. But

please! Or I will destroy you all! Bwahahahaha-"

Neo blasted the thermos with one final shot and it exploded. Salami disappeared with a power crystal in his place. Cortex

picked up the crystal.

"Another power crystal!" he exclaimed, "It's like Christmas in… what month is it?"

"June," Nina answered.

"Yeah!" Cortex said, "Christmas in June!"

He stashed the crystal away. He looked up to see that they were right in front of a train station. He also noticed that there

was a train there with _no caboose_.

"That's our train!" Cortex informed his minions, "Let's go!"

* * *

They rushed onto the train just before it was about to leave. The four of them sat down. On one pair of seats were Neo and

Nina, and on the pair of seats in front were N. Gin and Tropy. Tropy turned around to talk with his boss and Nina.

"What I don't understand is how the train left without us," Nina said. Then Tropy saw an Interdroid in the seat behind them

get its arm cannon ready. He quickly

electrocuted it with his stick-

"It's a scepter!"

Fine, it's a scepter. The robot fell to the floor. Tropy picked up a small pin that the robot was holding.

"If I know my classical steam trains right," the time scientist said, "Then this is the pin used to keep the caboose connected

with the rest of the train."

"Well, that explains that," Cortex said.

"Master, come and look over here!" N. Gin said. The cyborg tore a power crystal out of the robot's processors.

"Two power crystals in one chapter," Cortex said, "It must be a new record."

"But sir," N. Gin said, "What do we do with the robot's body?"

Cortex looked out the window to see that the train was going across a metal bridge over a deep gorge. He grinned evilly.

* * *

Moments later, the robot was thrown out of one of the windows of the train and into the spiky pit.

"Now, I'm not okay!" Lawrence called as the offline robot landed on him and the bridge.

* * *

"I can't believe you, lackeys!" N. Terdimensional roared. Ratsputin, Hairy, Fangula, Smash, and Dash stood nervously before

their master.

"You guys can't capture a few under evolved misfits!" he roared, "And I thought that you, Fangula, would be the one to end

all this. However, you can't even get the research on Salami Kebab right!"

"But sir-," Fangula said before being cut off.

"No if, ands, or buts, Fangula!" the living machine roared before pausing.

"Wait a minute," he said, "We still have one more force that can be rid of those annoyances forever!"

The moss-covered troll-like creature stepped into the room. He had moss "hair," glowing yellow eyes, sharp thorns for teeth,

tree trunks for legs, wooden skin, and a mushroom cap for a hat.

"Did Moss Face come at a bad time?" he asked.

"No, Moss Face," N. Terdimensional said, "I was just about to call you down. You're going to Gaseous."

"Hooray!" Moss Face cheered, "I going on a vacation!"

"No," his master said, "It's for a mission."

"Oh," said Moss Face, "Moss Face guesses it's just as good."

"Excellent…"

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma...

The Bandicoots and N- Team try to survive the horrors of the swamp world, Gaseous. They will meet new friends and new

enemies. What will happen? Find out in **Chapter Fourteen: Swamp Fever**.

* * *

PSManiac: Keep reviews and suggestions coming in. I love reading them every day. Happy Friday the 13th everyone!


	15. Swamp Fever

PSManiac: Readers! Happy Father's Day and welcome to the fourteenth chapter! I hope that all of you survived Friday the

13th. Anyway, in the last chapter I announced that I was going to make two more sequels to this story, making it a trilogy. I

have figured out, with the help of Captain Liam.4000, what I should name this Trilogy. The trilogy shall be known as, **0****th**

**Trilogy Trouble**! I shall reveal the name of the sequel in the final chapter, and I might even have a preview for it! Thanks to

Christopher Mason and CrashFad13 for their Ideas. Remember to keep ideas and reviews rolling in. I own nothing that I

didn't create myself. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Swamp Fever**

The bandicoots trudged their way through the swampy bog. They searched high and low for the power crystals, but they

can't be found anywhere.

"Face it, guys," said Crunch, "We'll never find those crystals."

He turned around and came face to face with a scary looking tree. He screamed like a little girl and jumped into Crash's arms,

squashing the poor bandicoot.

"Crunch! Crunch!" Coco exclaimed, "It's only a tree!"

Crunch looked and the tree and got up. He peeled Crash off the ground.

"Sorry little guy," he apologized.

* * *

Meanwhile, the N- Team got of their train at Gaseous Station, and they were all taken aback by the place's smell.

"Ugh!" Neo cried, "What's that smell?"

N. Gin turned red and said, "Sorry."

The surrounding area was all swampland, all of them noted. It was smelly, disgusting, and old. And that was just Neo.

"Stop making fun of me!" Neo exclaimed. They started their trek through the swampland, through rain, shine, sleet, and

snow.

"Weird weather we're having," N. Gin said. Then he saw something shiny in the water.

"It's a power crystal!" N. Gin exclaimed before diving into the water. He came back to the surface a few minutes later with his

back to the rest of the team.

"Aw, it was just a shiny rock," he said. N. Gin turned around, and the rest of the N- Team realized that there were leeches all

over N. Gin's face. The three of them cringed.

"What?" the rocket scientist asked, "Is there something on my face? Why do I feel so lightheaded?"

He fainted from blood loss.

* * *

The bandicoots continued their adventure through the swamp. They soon met a very large slug with large puppy eyes.

"How cute," Coco said. She immediately disagreed with her last statement when the slug grew sharp teeth and leapt at her.

Crunch grabbed the slug by its tail and threw it on the ground several feet in front of them. The slug snapped its teeth,

began quickly rushing towards the bandicoots, and exploded with a bang. No, fellow readers, this isn't some species of

carnivorous, exploding slug. Out of the bushes came a weasel with blue overalls, a straw hat, and a smoking two-barreled

shotgun pointed at a pile of goop that was once the killer slug.

"Tha' vampire slug almost got 'ya," the weasel said in a distinct hillbilly accent.

"Who are you?" Aku Aku asked.

"Why, I'm Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe Richard

Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter Liam Linus James Tomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton Gene

Weasellotti III," he answered, "Or Billy Bob for short."

* * *

The N- Team pulled the leeches off of N. Gin and revived him. They decided that CPR was the best method. They drew

straws, and Cortex had a straw the size of a thimble. So, he shot N. Gin with his ray gun. The shock was enough to revive

the rocket scientist out of his blood loss sleep. They got ready for the trip ahead, only to come face to face with a mask-

wearing cannibal holding a spear. Cortex and N. Gin screamed like little girls. In a flash of purple, the cannibal was rammed

out of the story.

"Spyro the dragon?" Neo and Nina asked in unison. This time, N. Gin and Tropy screamed like girls and hid behind a boulder.

They still had bad memories from Twinsanity.

The small purple dragon looked around at his surroundings.

"Sorry, wrong game," he said before disappearing into the swamp. Tropy's blue head popped up from behind the boulder.

"Is he gone?" asked Tropy. Neo nodded. Nina looked at the trees behind Tropy and N. Gin.

"Oh, hey Spyro," she said. Tropy and N. Gin screamed again and his behind the other side of the rock. Nina laughed at Tropy

and N. Gin. They realized that Nina said that just to scare the two of them. Nina, in her laughter, playfully punched Neo on

the shoulder. Unfortunately, that sent him careening into a tree.

"Oops," Nina said, and she giggled sheepishly.

* * *

Billy Bob and the bandicoots arrived at Billy Bob's home, a rickety old shack with an outhouse right next to it.

"Listen ya'll, I need yer help!" Billy Bob exclaimed, "My best friend in the whole world, Lil Petunia, has gone missin'! And I

know what to give yer if yer find her!"

He rushed into the outhouse, flushed the toilet, and went into his house. The bandicoots waited for several minutes.

"So… I wonder who won American Idol," Coco said, "We were captured right before the finale."

"I know the name of the winner!" said Aku Aku.

"What? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me now!" Coco ordered frantically. Coco is a huge David Cook fan and voted for him 20,000

times each round. Aku Aku had to limit the number of votes Coco could make because it was making their phone bills higher.

It was still amazing that they could still vote in American Idol considering they were in Australia.

"The winner's name is," Aku Aku said fearfully, "David."

Coco frowned and said, "Not funny, Aku Aku."

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes.

"What's that?" asked Crunch as the rustling got closer. Crash, fearing the worst, began throwing many sharp, pointy rocks

at the rustling's source. There were several "Ouch!" sounds and a cry of, "Don't shoot! Please don't shoot!"

Out of the bushes came the N- Team. Neo was covered in bruises and had two black eyes. He turned angrily to his minion.

"Thanks for using me as a _human shield_, guys," he said. They just shrugged. Cortex shook his head and turned back to the

bandicoots.

"What are you marsupials doing here?" he asked.

"We are continuing our search for the crystals," Aku Aku informed them. Billy Bob came in with a huge, dusty trunk.

"I found it!" he exclaimed, "Good thing I reckoned to look in tha cellar, or else I woulda neva'-"

He stopped when he saw Nina, N. Gin, and Tropy. He dropped the heavy trunk right on Neo.

"Guys!" he said, "How ya'll doin'? Wait right thar, where's tha' Neo feller?"

Neo said something similar to "I'm down here," but it was muffled by the trunk. He either said that, or something not suitable

for a fan fiction rated K plus. Billy Bob lifted the trunk off of Cortex.

"Oh thar ya' are!" he said, "Why were ya' under my trunk? Were ya' rifling through my stuff?"

If Cortex's arms still worked, he would strangle the weasel.

A few minutes later, Billy Bob explained the situation and opened the crate. Inside was a glowing power crystal.

"If ya'll can find Lil Petunia, I'll give ya' this power crystal," Billy Bob said.

"You got it," Cortex said. Crash nodded in agreement with his Crash Smile ™.

* * *

Hours later they were searching for Petunia.

"Petunia!" Coco called, "Petunia!"

They looked under every rock and every tree root.

"This is hopeless," Cortex admitted in defeat, "We'll never find her. It's not like she'll fall out of the sky and into our arms."

Suddenly, something fell out of the sky and knocked Cortex over. It began licking the mad scientist as he started to scream

like a little girl.

"Get it off of me!" he screamed, "It going to eat me! Ah! Ah! Ahhh!"

"Cortex!" Tropy barked, "It's off."

Cortex opened his eyes to see that Tropy did indeed lift the creature off of Cortex. The creature was, in fact, a very ugly

female warthog with poorly applied makeup and hair that's tied in a bow. Cortex took one look at it, and started screaming

again. Tropy rolled his eyes and hit the scientist with his stick-

"It's a scepter!"

Anyway, that smack snapped Cortex out of his screaming fit. Coco noticed that the warthog was wearing a collar. She read

the nametag.

"Lil Petunia," she read, "This is her, alright."

The N- Team picked up the pig.

"Let's get her back to Billy Bob," Nina said, "before any more-"

Several Interdroids appeared.

"-Interdroids show up," she finished. These Interdroids were green with yellow eyes and had pincers for hands. They were

known as Swampdroids.

"You can get Petunia back to Billy," Aku Aku said, "We'll hold them off."

"Fine by me," Cortex said as he and the rest of the N- Team carried Petunia into the swamp. The bandicoots faced their

enemies and charged into battle. Crash ran at the Swampdroids, only to trip over a rock to narrowly miss a pincer. He

jumped up and spun the robots.

* * *

Coco dodged the pincers and kicked a robot in the face. She realized that her foot was stuck in the Swampdroid's faceplate.

She swung he foot around in an attempt to get the machine off, smashing a few Swampdroids in the process. She finally

kicked the robot off and struck a ready for battle pose. Then she realized that all of her Interdroids were destroyed. She

shrugged.

* * *

Crunch blasted several Swampdroids with his arm cannon. He fired a shot at one Swampdroid, but the robot ducked under

the blast.

"Ha!" the Swampdroid, Gregory, said, "You missed me!"

Then he heard a loud creaking sound behind him. Gregory turned around and saw that the blast chopped a tree in half. The

upper half began falling towards Gregory.

"Poop," he said before being smashed.

* * *

Aku Aku created a body out of trees and began battling the Swampdroids. The Swampdroids took one look at Aku Aku

colossal body and ran away screaming.

* * *

Later, the bandicoots arrived at Billy Bob's house. The N- Team just got there with Petunia.

"Ya'll did it!" Billy Bob exclaimed, "Ya found Lil Petunia. C'mere girl!"

The warthog ran up and began licking Billy Bob's face. Billy Bob got up.

"So which one of ya should I give tha' crystal to?" he asked. Both teams saw the problem.

"Rock Paper Scissors?" Neo asked. Crash nodded as a response.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors!" Neo chanted. He saw that Crash had a rock while he had scissors.

"Remind me," he said, "What does rock beat?"

"It beats scissors," Coco answered.

"But," said Cortex, "They're very good scissors. Grab it and run!"

He grabbed the crystal and ran off with the rest of his team.

"Wait a minute," Billy Bob said, "There's somethin' stuck in little Petunia's nose. My hands are too big to stick in thar'. Who

has tha' smallest hands?"

Everyone looked at Coco.

"Alright, I'll do it," she said, regretting it. She stuck her right hand into Petunia's booger-infested snout and dragged out a

crystal.

"It's a power crystal!" Aku Aku pointed out, "Can we have it?"

"Sure thang!" Billy Bob said, "On one condition. I kin come along on yer journey. I have a cousin next door that kin take care

of Petunia. Kin I?"

The bandicoots looked at each other.

"Okay, you can come," Crunch said. Billy Bob gave the bandicoots a bone-crushing hug.

"Hooray!" he cheered, "I know that we're gunna be the best of best friends!"

"Can't… feel… spine," Coco said.

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

With a new ally on their team, the bandicoots set out on their adventure through the swamp world of Gaseous. The N- Team,

meanwhile, will meet an adversary of the bandicoots. What will happen? Find out in **Chapter Fifteen: Highway to Smell**.

* * *

PSManiac: Happy Father's day! Keep suggestions and reviews coming in! (Screams like a girl.)


	16. Highway to Smell

PSManiac: Hello everybody! PSManiac here with the fifteenth chapter! Announcements: First, the Spore creature creator comes out today! I am very excited about

that. Second, at the end of the final chapter, I shall announce the title of Dimension Dilemma's sequel and give a preview for it! Stay tuned, read, review, and

suggest! Thanks to Captain Liam.4000 and CrashFad13 for their ideas. I own nothing that my brain did not spawn. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Highway to Smell**

The bandicoot with their newest ally, Billy Bob, walked the swamps and bogs of Gaseous.

"So where do we go now?" Crunch asked.

"Just ask for directions," Coco advised.

"To who, exactly?" Crunch asked. There were no signs of intelligent life anywhere in the swamp. Crash's stomach growled, "Feed me! Feed me!"

Crash was very hungry.

"Why does my arm feel wet?" Coco asked. She looked to see that Crash was chewing on it.

"Don't chew my arm, Crash!" Coco commanded, pulling her arm away, "It was up a warthog's nose!"

Crash's face turned green, and he puked in a bush. Aku Aku's eyes widened.

"I sense a power crystal," he said, "It's coming from over there!"

They look around.

"Where is it?" Coco asked. Then Aku Aku remembered that he had no arms, so he can't point to where the crystal is at. So, he floated over to the entrance to an

ancient temple.

"It's in here," he said. Billy Bob studied the entrance.

"This thingy here was one of tha temples of King Turbozuma," Billy Bob said.

"King Turbozuma?" Coco asked, "Who's he?"

"He was tha rula' of this here part of tha 0th Dimension 'bout a thousand years ago," he said, "He ruled over nearly everythin' and wanted to expand his empire to

all tha dimensions. He was also a huge kart racing star. He crashed his kart down a cliff and that was tha end of that."

"Let's go then," Crunch said as the four of them walked into the temple.

* * *

"Did we lose them?" Cortex asked. N. Gin fainted from exhaustion from running so much.

"Not again," Tropy muttered. He zapped the unconscious N. Gin with his-

"You'd better say scepter!"

I was going to say scepter. I'm not forgetful.

"You forgot to update for several days because you were playing that Spore Creature Creator!"

You have to admit, it's a really fun game. One of my favorite creations was-

"Get on with it!"

What? Oh yeah! I need to narrate. Anyway, N. Gin shot up out of his unconsciousness.

"I didn't mean to do it officer!" he screamed, "How was I supposed to know that toaster was lactose intolerant?"

He noticed his friends around him.

"Oh hey guys!" he said happily, "I had this weird dream where we were trapped in this 0th Dimension and this guy called Professor N. Terdimensional was hunting

us down with his army of Interdroids, and then-"

"N. Gin," Neo said, "That wasn't a dream."

"Oh," N. Gin said, "What about that part when we were attacked by giant weasels?"

"That was a dream," Neo said.

"Actually," Tropy said, "That was your mutant weasel army plan two weeks ago."

"Wait a minute," Nina commanded, "What was that sound?"

Indeed, there was a light rumbling sound in the air.

"It's getting closer," Nina pointed out. Neo sniffed the air.

"What's that smell?" he asked. N. Gin's face went red.

"Sorry," the cyborg mumbled.

"Shh!" Nina shushed them, "It stopped."

Then Neo saw something in the trees.

"Duck!" Neo yelled, pulling everyone else to the ground. A large vehicle flew over the N- Team. N. Gin looked at the truck.

"That's one weird-looking duck," he said. The truck looked like a tank except with large monster truck wheels and a windshield on the front. The window opened and

the driver stood up.

"You may not be the bandicoots," he said in an Australian accent, "But you'll do just fine."

"And who might you be?" Cortex asked.

"I am the greatest bounty hunter throughout the 0th Dimension!" he stated, "I am the Feared Bounty Hunter Nigel!"

"Stupid name list, huh?" Neo asked. Nigel nodded.

"Oh yeah," he said, "Big time. Now prepare to become living room rugs!"

He sat back down in the driver's seat and the windshield closed.

"This is a little present from N. Terdimensional himself!" Nigel called, revving up his vehicle, the Spleen Crusher. The Spleen Crusher's weapons pointed themselves at

the N- Team.

"Run away!" Cortex screamed. He and his minions scampered into the swamp.

"Wait!" Nigel called, "I haven't obliterated you yet!"

* * *

The bandicoots stumbled through the darkness of the swamp ruins.

"Does anybody have a flashlight?" Coco asked.

"I have one," stated Billy Bob. He got it out and flipped it on. Then they became face to face with an Interdroid. It tried to claw at them, but its arms were too flimsy

and weak. It gave up.

"It's totally useless," the Interdroid, Arnie, whined, "We're just going to lose and be destroyed. My whole life is in down the drain. I should have gone to law school

and become a robot lawyer. It's even pointless to guard the crystal at the end of this trap-infested passage."

He sulked his way out of the temple.

"That was weird," Coco said, "But at least we know where the crystal is!"

"Didn't he say that this passage is infested with traps?" Crunch asked.

"C'mon Crunch," Billy Bob said, "How bad could these here traps be."

The weasel walked down the hall with swinging axes, arrows, flamethrowers, huge rocks, and that thing on Donald Trump's head known as "hair" narrowly missed

him. However, Billy Bob took no notice of the traps. He walked up to a doorway and looked back at the bandicoots.

"Are ya comin'?" he asked. The bandicoots had their mouths wide open in awe. Aku Aku fainted.

* * *

The Spleen Crusher chased the N- Team through the swamps of Gaseous.

"Hold still mantelpieces!" he commanded, "I want to get a good shot!"

The Cortexes soon came to a dead end. It was a huge wall of a temple.

"That gives me an idea!" Nigel said, "I'll crush you!"

The Spleen Crusher charged towards the villainous heroes.

"What do we do, uncle?" Nina asked. Neo cracked an evil smile. He shot at the vehicle four times. The Spleen Crusher continued its way to the N- Team. Tropy, N.

Gin, and Nina hid behind Neo as the Spleen Crusher came closer. Then it stopped a mere two inches away from Neo's face.

"What happened?" Nigel asked in frustration. He jumped out of his vehicle to see that Neo had shot the Spleen Crusher's wheels.

"I should have thought of a way to prevent that," Nigel said, "But I still have this!"

He whipped out a plasma rifle and fired. Nothing happened.

"I forgot to put ammo in, didn't I?" Nigel asked. The N- Team nodded as they massaged their knuckles. Nigel took one look at them and ran away screaming. Neo

laughed evilly.

"Oh, it's so good to be bad," he said. The box-headed scientist walked forward only to trip over something.

"I'm okay!" he called, "These sharp rocks broke my fall."

He got up and noticed that whatever had tripped him over was shining a purple light. Neo pulled the object out of the mud and held it up to the light.

"A power crystal!" he exclaimed, "Another score for the Cortex Crusaders!"

"I think that the Rocket Raiders is a better name," N. Gin said.

"Not as good as the Time Trekkers," Tropy stated.

"The best name is Nina's Knights," Nina said.

"Okay how about we just stick with the N- Team, alright?" Neo asked his minions. They nodded on the team name.

* * *

Our mammalian heroes soon came to a large door with a stone face on it. Coco studied it.

"I can't see any way to get through," Coco said, studying the door. Curious, Crash sniffed the door.

"Don't sniff me!" a voice that sounds remarkably like Queen Latifa snapped. Crash jumped back and realized that it was the face on the door that was talking.

"What the fudge?" Crunch exclaimed, "A talking face?"

"Yes, a talking face," the face said, "I don't see your problem. You have one, too."

"Umm… who are you?" Coco asked.

"What?" the face asked, "Oh! Excuse me for not introducing myself. I am the door guardian Dooraticlan, or D for short."

"So, D," Aku Aku said, "Can you open this door?"

"I can't unless you can find the secret button," D said, "With this secret button you can-"

She was cut off when Crash pushed a doorbell on in doorframe. The door suddenly opened. Standing there was a mummy.

"What? What do you want?" The mummy asked in a voice that sounds like Mel Brooks.

"The orange rat-looking thing in the blue pants found the secret button," D told the mummy.

"Oh, well, come in," the mummy instructed the bandicoots. They walked in to the tomb.

"Sorry for the mess," the mummy told them, "I've been asleep for the last thousand years. I am Pakhat. And who might you be."

"No! Don't!" Crunch, Coco, and Aku Aku screamed but it was too late.

"I'm," Billy Bob started, "Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe Richard Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter

Liam Linus James Thomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton Gene Weasellotti III."

Pakhat was asleep, snoring loudly. He woke up.

"What?" he asked, "Oh yeah, sure, whatever. So why are you here?"

"We're looking for a power crystal," Crunch said, "Do you have it?"

Pakhat thought for a minute.

"I believe I do," the corpse told them. He walked over to a nearby coffin and began rifling through it.

"Here you go," Pakhat said, placing the glowing crystal in Crash's hands. Crash cheered.

"The back door's open if you want to leave," Pakhat told them.

"A back door?" Coco asked, "There was a back door?"

"Yep," Pakhat said. Coco fainted.

* * *

Outside the temple, an Interdroid walked up to a door.

"A strong crystal energy signal is emitting from this door, sir," the Interdroid, Lars, spoke to his right glove.

"Very good," The voice of N. Terdimensional spoke from the glove, "And these glove phones are ingenious, aren't they?"

"Very cool, sir," Lars said, rolling his eyes.

"I heard that eye roll!" N. Terdimensional snapped, "If I had arms and legs I would go over there and strangle you!"

Before he knew it, the very heavy stone door fell on Lars and the bandicoots bounded out. The bandicoots ended up on an island in the middle of a large pool of

quicksand.

"That was easy," Crunch said, "Too easy."

"C'mon Crunch," Coco told him, "What could possibly happen

There was a violent shaking as Moss Face came out of the ground.

"I told you so," Crunch said.

"I am Moss Face!" Moss Face roared, "Moss Face will crush bandicoots with Moss Face's feet."

"He sure likes talking about himself in the third person," Aku Aku told his friends.

"I think that this guy's grammar is the least of our worries," Coco said.

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

The bandicoots face the brawns and no brains of the fearsome plant creature Moss Face. They might be able to get some help from a certain group of villainous

heroes. Will they survive? Find out in **Chapter Sixteen: Swampfield**.

PSManiac: Review! (door falls on me)


	17. Swampfield

PSManiac: Chapter sixteen everybody! I hope that you are enjoying the story as of far. Keep on reading and reviewing! I own nothing that I have not spawned

myself. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Sixteen: Swampfield

"What do you want, Moss Face?" Coco asked.

"Moss Face was ordered by N. Terdimensional to destroy bandicoots," the plant covered creature told the bandicoots. He turned his right fist into a mace and swung

in at the bandicoots. They leapt out of the way, and Crunch began firing his arm cannon at Moss Face. Moss Face avoided the blasts by disappearing underground.

"Where did he go?" Coco asked. Large vines sprang up from the ground and grabbed the bandicoots. Moss Face appeared in front of them.

"Now nothing will stop N. Terdimensional from ruling the… uh… what are they called again?" Moss Face asked.

"Hamburgers?" Crunch asked

"No, that's not it," Moss Face told her.

"The secret underground kingdom of the mole people?" Aku Aku asked.

"Closer, but still not it," Moss Face answered.

"The universes?" Coco asked.

"That's it!" Moss Face pointed out, "The unipurses!"

"It's the uni_verses_," Coco corrected him, "And I thought that Crash was hard work."

* * *

The N- Team cut their way through the dense swampland of Gaseous.

"These bugs are eating me up," Cortex said.

"It can't be that bad," Nina told her uncle.

"Oh really?" Cortex asked, pointing to a giant bug that was gnawing on his head. He pulled the bug off and threw it away.

"But just think about it, Dr. Cortex," N. Gin said, "It can't possibly get any worse."

"No, N. Gin, don't-" Cortex cried before a huge bird swooped down and snatched the box-headed scientist off the ground.

"Not again!" Cortex screamed. The rest of the N- Team watched the bird carry him away.

"Five bucks says that the bird eats him," Tropy told Nina.

"Deal!" she said, shaking the blue-skinned time scientist's hand.

* * *

"Let go of me!" Cortex ordered the huge bird, hitting his ray gun against its leg. The ray gun went off and fried the bird's tail feathers. The huge bird squawked in

pain and let Cortex go. It was then that Neo realized how far away the ground was.

"Don't let go of me! Don't let go of me!" he screamed, flapping his arms in a helpless attempt to slow the fall. The falling stopped.

"I'm okay!" the mad doctor called, "I landed on something soft and squishy!"

He realized that he landed on that plant-covered thing from N. Terdimensional's base, Moss Face. Crash spun out of the vine and moss face struggled up.

"Box-head hurt Moss Face's noggin," Moss Face said, "Moss Face will destroy Box-head!"

Moss Face launched thorns at Cortex. Cortex covered his eyes with his hands. Nothing happened. Cortex uncovered his eyes to realize that he was unscathed.

"You missed me!" Neo said before his pants fell down, "Oh, not this joke again!"

Crash tried to punch Moss Face's leg, but all Crash got was a sore fist. Moss Face laughed.

"Moss Face's hide is too tough for puny bandicoot to hurt Moss Face," he said. Neo tried to zap Moss Face, but it was about as successful as Crash's punch. Moss

Face broke out into a laughing fit.

"His skin is too tough," Neo told Crash, "Perhaps his insides are softer, but how can we hurt his insides?"

Crash thought for a moment, and smiled mischievously. Cortex looked and Crash and instantly knew what the marsupial was thinking.

"There's no way I'm doing that again!" Neo exclaimed, backing away as Crash walked towards him, "It was bad enough in Twinsanity with Tikimon! There's no way

I'm doing that with that chlorophyll creature over there!"

Crash grabbed Cortex by the arm and spun him into Moss Face's laughing mouth. Moss Face coughed a bit as Cortex went down his throat.

"Moss Face think he swallowed a bug," he said.

* * *

Cortex landed in the creature's stomach, right on top of a huge roast chicken. Cortex looked around.

"This guy is like a TARDIS!" he said, "He's bigger on the inside!"

Suddenly, these white cell-like things appeared around Cortex.

"Antibodies!" the mad scientist exclaimed, "They must think that I'm some sort of virus!"

The antibodies charged at Neo. He jumped over the cells and began blasting them.

"What's taking you so long?" Coco asked as she watched her brother continue to fight Moss Face.

"I'll be just a few more minutes!" Neo called back, blasting the antibodies. He saw a door with a sign on that said "Brain." Neo quickly runs to the door with an army

of antibodies hot on his heels. He quickly goes through the door and quickly shuts and locks it.

"I made it," he said, breathing heavily. He looked in front of him to see a staircase. He walked up the stairs and soon found himself in a large room. In the center of

the room was the brain, but it looked more like a raisin on a stick.

"Easy as pie," the mad scientist told to no one in particular. Suddenly, large vines sprang up around the brain. They began swiping at Cortex. The box-headed

scientist leapt over and ducked under the vines' attacks. He aimed carefully and blasted the brain.

"Yes!" Cortex cheered. But his celebration was cut short when the whole room began falling apart.

"I need to get out of here!" Neo exclaimed. He ran down the staircase and back into the stomach where he was coughed out. Neo flew out of Moss Face's mouth at

high speeds. He ended up whooshing through the air and into the swamp.

"Moss Face don't feel too good," Moss Face groaned as he collapsed into a pile of compost. The vines died and Crash's friends were freed.

"You did a great job, Crash!" Coco said, hugging her brother, "Where did Cortex go?"

* * *

Meanwhile, the N- Team was searching for their not-so-beloved doctor.

"It's pointless," Tropy said, "we're never going to find him."

Then Cortex flew headfirst into a nearby hollow tree.

"I found him!" N. Gin told everyone else.

"Stop yapping and get me out of this tree!" Neo's muffled voice ordered his minions.

Aha!" Nina exclaimed, "Pay up, Tropy!"

* * *

"Ouch!" Crunch yelped, "I think I have a thorn stuck in my butt. Can someone get it?"

"Don't look at me," Coco told them, "I already stuck my hand up a warthog's nose."

"I'll do it!" Billy Bob said. He pulled the thorn out of Crunch's right buttock. Crash looked at the thorn closely and rubbed it, revealing a purple glow.

"That thorn's no thorn! It's a crystal!" Aku Aku said.

"We're getting closer to our goal," Coco told them. Suddenly, the ground beneath their feet collapsed. They screamed as they slid down an icy slide before landing in

soft snow. Crash looked around to see that they were in some sort of ice cave.

"Where are we?" Coco asked.

"Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore," Crunch said.

"I see a light," Coco said, but realized that it was just Crash waving his flashlight around.

"I wonder where we are," Aku Aku said. As if on cue, Chick and Stew appear in front of the bandicoots.

"Chick and Stew?" Coco asked, "What are you doing here?"

"We were hired by PSManiac to tell you where you guys are," Chick said.

"That's right," said Stew, "You guys are now in the snow covered world of Mount Neverest!"

* * *

The N- Team was trying to pull their employer out of the hollow tree.

"It's a square head in a round hole," Tropy said, "How perfect."

With one final pull, Cortex shot out of the tree and into a large hole in the ground.

"Nina," Neo said.

"Yes, Uncle Cortex?" Nina asked.

"There are," Neo told her, "Lots of sharp rocks in the 0th Dimension."

Neo got up and viewed his surroundings.

"I seem to be in some sort of tunnel!" Cortex called, "I can see the other side!"

The rest of the N- Team leapt into the tunnel and followed Cortex down it. They soon came to this place with huge grass blades and flowers the size of skyscrapers.

Suddenly a huge worm appeared before them.

"Oh no!" Cortes cried, "It's going to eat us!"

The worm roared, charged at the N- Team, and exploded into green goop.

"I think I had my mouth open," Neo said. Out of the grass came a platypus carrying a grenade in his hand. He wore an aviator's helmet complete with goggles, a

blue shirt, a white scarf, blue jeans, brown boots, and white gloves.

"That beast almost had you," the platypus told the N- Team in a British accent, "The name's Captain John Platt, pilot. You're new to Bugsylvania, aren't you?"

"Bugsyl- what?" Cortex asked.

"Bugsylvania," Platt said, "It's this world with huge plants and bugs and stuff."

"Well, we're perfectly capable of handling this world by ourselves," Cortex said, walking away. Unfortunately, he barely walked two inches before tripping over a

rock.

"I can't believe the number of sharp rocks there are," Neo told them as he got up.

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma:

The Bandicoots continue their journey across the frozen peaks of Mount Neverest, not knowing that they will meet both a new friend and a new enemy. Meanwhile,

the N- Team must survive the insect-related horrors with their new ally, Captain John Platt. What will happen? Well I won't tell you yet. You'll have to find out in

**Chapter Seventeen: A Bug's Strife**.

* * *

PSManiac: Don't forget to review everybody! You know you want to. Please, with cherries on top.

"Get on with it!"

Fine, fine, I'll get on with it. Review and I'll see you next time, loss of sanity and all. Bye!


	18. A Bug's Strife

PSManiac: Hello everybody! This is chapter seventeen! It's the big one and seven. Thanks to CrashFad13, PhantomBen, Christopher Mason, and Captain Liam.4000

for their ideas. Remember to keep your reviews and ideas coming in. Read and Review! Remember, I own nothing that I did not create myself. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Seventeen: A Bug's Strife

The N- Team and Captain Plat were all sitting around a table in a crashed spaceship.

"What you're saying is," N. Gin said, "Is that you're a secret agent that has parachuted here to infiltrate the underground lair of the evil Doctor Maybe, and foil his

plans to turn the pancakes of the world into mindless zombies?"

"No," the captain told him, "I said that I'm a spaceship pilot and that my ship crashed here."

"What messed up fan fiction were you talking about?" Neo asked N. Gin. The cybernetic scientist simply shrugged.

"Anyway," Plat said, "Are you guys hungry? If you are, than I sure hope you like ham because that's all we got left."

He set a leg of ham on the table and looked out the window at a huge tree in the distance.

"If you're looking for those crystals you were talking about," Plat told them, "I would suggest going to the top of Caterpillar Tree to the Caffeinators' Colony. I have

heard rumors about the Caffeinators having some kind of crystal, and it might be a Power Crystal."

"So you're not a secret agent?" N. Gin asked.

Cortex picked up the ham leg and said, "N. Gin, do you want me to beat you with this ham?"

* * *

The bandicoots trudged their way through the snowy hills of Mount Neverest.

"S-s-so c-c-cold," Coco said, shivering, "W-w-why a-a-aren't y-y-you s-s-shivering Aku Aku?"

Aku Aku thought for a moment and said, "Well, that's because I'm a wooden mask, which means that I don't have a nervous system."

Everyone glared at Aku Aku.

"Where d-d-did C-C-Chick and S-S-Stew go a-a-anyway?" Crunch asked.

"S-s-somethin' a-a-about them g-g-gettin' back to t-t-that there n-n-nas w-w-warm s-s-studio, or s-s-somethin' like that," Billy Bob told them.

"When I get my hands on those two-" Aku Aku said.

"B-b-but y-y-you got n-n-no h-h-hands!" Crunch said.

Aku Aku sadly looked at where his hands _should_ be.

Suddenly, several white and light blue Interdroids with red eyes jumped up from beneath the snow. These were Frostdroids.

"It's the Interdroids!" Coco exclaimed, forgetting about the freezing temperatures.

One Interdroid fired an icy blue blast at Crash. Our favorite orange hero ducked, and the blast hit and froze an Interdroid behind him.

"Great, they have freeze rays," Crunch said, "How very original."

Aku Aku formed a body out of ice and punched one of the Frostdroids, but more took its place.

"There's too many of them!" Coco told them, "When one falls, two takes its place or something like that."

Before they even knew it, the bandicoots have fallen through the snow and were sliding down a metal chute. A few seconds later, they slid out of the chute and into

a huge pile of garbage.

"It smells just like home!" Billy Bob said happily, "It has ta be some kinda garbage chute."

Coco looked down in horror at her dirty clothes.

"It will take me weeks to get these stains out!" she screamed.

Crunch heard something coming their way.

"It's them!" he whispered, "Hide!"

Everyone held their breaths and dove into the garbage. Two Frostdroids walked up to the garbage pile and inspected it carefully. They walked by where Crash was

hiding. Crash's stomach began to rumble. Crash looked at it in panic. He knew that he shouldn't have eaten that baked beans sandwich back at the motel. He

couldn't take it anymore, so he farted. One of the Frostdroids, Louis, sniffed the air and turned to his comrade, Pete.

"Pete!" Louis exclaimed, "That was nasty! Couldn't you hold it?"

"Sorry!" Pete apologized, "It must have been that taco I ate for lunch."

"Let's go before things get any smellier," Louis said, "Plus, those bandicoots aren't here anyway."

The Frostdroids walked away. The bandicoots resurfaced.

"They're gone," Coco told her friends, "Let's get out of here before more of those things come here."

Crash smiled widely in response, showing the gunk on his teeth from the garbage.

* * *

Cortex looked at Caterpillar Tree from Plat's ship, the _Sarsaparilla_.

"How, exactly are we going to reach Caterpillar Tree, exactly?" he asked, "Not only is it really tall, but very far away as well."

"It's not very far," N. Gin said, "But it's very, very far. So undeniably far that it is excruciatingly far. In fact, it's so far that-"

"Get on with-"

"We know!" The N- Team yelled back.

"If I can fix the _Sarsaparilla_," Plat told them, "I could fly us up there. But the ship is missing one vital piece. It's a metal pin of some sort."

Tropy got out the pin from the train from the West World and asked, "Something like this?"

Captain Plat took the pin and studied it carefully.

"This will do perfectly!" he said.

Plat walked over to the steering wheel and began fixing the ship.

"Is the piece used to fix something in the steering?" Cortex asked.

"Not really," Plat told him, stepping away from the dashboard. Sticking out of the dashboard was a cup holder with the pin in it.

"That broken cup holder was bugging me for ages!" Plat said, "Let's go then!"

Cortex looked like as if he wanted to strangle the captain. The ship rose off the ground and into the sky.

"We'll get you guys to Caterpillar Tree in no time!" Plat told his passengers, "Keep all arms, legs, and other body parts inside the vehicle at all times, thank you!"

Suddenly, the ship shook violently.

"What was that?" Neo asked.

"Shark Wasps," Plat said, looking at the radar.

"How can a few puny wasps make the ship shake like that?" Neo asked.

"Because those wasps aren't puny," Tropy answered, looking out the window.

"Let me see," the box-headed scientist said as he pushed Tropy out of the way and looked at the window himself.

"I think you're going to need a bigger boat," he told them.

Flying around the ship were giant wasps.

"You guys can go up to the observation deck on the roof and try to fend them off," Plat said, "I'll stay down here and pilot the ship."

The N- Team ran up to the observation deck and came face to face with one of the Shark Wasps.

"It's so ugly," Tropy said to himself, "It looks so disgusting and deformed."

"Tropy, why were you looking at me while you were saying that?" Cortex asked.

"…No reason," Tropy told Neo.

Two more wasps appeared on the scene.

"It brought some friends along," Nina said, "Uncle, shall we kick their abdomens?"

"What's an abdomen?" Neo asked.

"Ugh…" Nina groaned, "Never mind."

The N- Team began their battle against the Shark Wasps. Tropy pointed his stick-

"I keep telling you! It's a scepter!"

His scepter at one wasp and zapped it. The electrical current ran from that wasp to five others, and they all exploded. N. Gin fired several missiles at several wasps.

Nina punched a couple in the face. Neo zapped several more with his ray gun. They were all soon gone.

"We beat them!" Neo cheered.

Suddenly, a gigantic Shark Wasp appeared out of nowhere. N. Gin fainted.

"Except for that one," Cortex said.

"How can we defeat that thing?" Nina asked, "It's huge!"

A grenade flew through the air and exploded right on the huge wasp. Captain Plat appeared.

"What would you guys do without me?" he asked as he sprayed N. Gin with a hose.

"What...? What happened?" he asked as he shot up out of his unconsciousness, "Did we win?"

"Platt, if you're here," Neo said, "Then who's…? Plat, does your ship have an autopilot?"

The captain thought for a moment and asked, "What's an autopilot?"

The ship crashed and got stuck in Caterpillar Tree.

"I'll fix that!" Plat called.

* * *

The bandicoots looked around to see that they seem to have arrived in front of a large log cabin with a huge neon sign on the front that said, "N. Cognito's Illegal

Underground Black Market."

The bandicoots walked up to the door and knocked on it. The door opened and the bandicoots wandered in. They looked around to see that they were in a room

with more junk in it than an Applebee's restaurant, and a counter at the other end of the room. Standing behind the counter was a guy wearing a fedora hat, a

trench coat, thick glasses, a false nose, and a false mustache. The bandicoots can't see his face.

"The name's N. Cognito," the figure said, "Not to be confused with my brother, Slim Cognito, who is a canon character in a Ratchet and Clank game while I am stuck

as an OC in a Crash Bandicoot fan fiction!"

Cognito noticed that the bandicoots were staring at him and his angry jealously.

"So," he said, "What can I do for you?"

"We're looking for power crystals," Crunch said.

"Hang on a second," Cognito told them. He got out a coffee, drank out of it, and spat the coffee out.

"What?" he asked, "Power Crystals, they're extremely rare!"

"Dude, you spat coffee in my eyes!" Crunch yelled in pain.

"Besides," Cognito said, "You'll need something of equal value to trade for only one. I'm afraid that I can't give you my Power Crystal."

Coco angrily marched up to Cognito and pulled his head down by his trench coat's collar.

"Listen here," Coco angrily told Cognito, "I'm cold, hungry, homesick, and not to mention, very cranky. Give us the Power Crystal or you'll end up like that guy!"

She pointed to a moose head trophy that was hanging on the wall.

"Alright! Alright!" Cognito screamed, "I'll give you the power crystal, just calm down!"

Coco let go of Cognito's coat. He reached inside his trench coat and got out a shining power crystal. Cognito gave the crystal to Coco.

"I'll even tell you where the next crystal is," he said, "It's a hot topic on the black market grape vine, that a Power Crystal is being used to power the Interdroid

factory at the top of Mount Neverest."

"Thank you," Coco said.

She walked past her friends and said, "Some girls got it, some girls don't."

The rest of the bandicoots stared at her as she walked to the door.

"Remind me to never get Coco angry," Crunch told Crash.

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

The bandicoots venture to the Interdroid factory at Mount Everest's Peak, unaware that they will meet an old enemy of the N- Team. Speaking of the N- Team, Neo,

Nina, N. Gin, Tropy, and their new comrade, Captain Plat, travel up Caterpillar Tree to obtain the crystal from the Caffeinators, facing danger along the way. Find out

what happens in **Chapter Eighteen: Ice, Ice, Crazy**.

* * *

PSManiac: Confucius say: "One who reviews is much appreciated by author, and so good fortune shall come." Okay, so maybe Confucius didn't really say that, but

still, review.


	19. Ice, Ice Crazy

PSManiac: Chapter Eighteen everybody! Big thanks to all who reviewed. Thanks to CrashFad13, Captain Liam.4000, and Christopher Mason for their ideas.

Remember, if I didn't create it then I don't own it. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Eighteen: Ice, Ice Crazy

The bandicoots looked up at Mount Neverest's peak. At the top was a precariously perched factory with smokestacks, turning gears, and a gift shop.

"Now how are we supposed ta get up thar?" Billy Bob asked.

"I have an idea!" Crunch said.

"What is it?" Billy Bob asked.

"I have no idea," Crunch said.

"We could climb up the mountain, defeat hordes of enemies, and narrowly avoid obstacles just like in any other Crash Bandicoot game," Aku Aku said.

"It seems like the only way," Coco said.

* * *

Later, our heroes trudged up to the factory's front entrance. They were cold and tired. A "ding" rang through the air as a nearby elevator opened up, revealing Billy

Bob.

"There was an elevator?" Coco asked, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I thought it was uh… obvious! That's the word I wanted, obvious," Billy Bob said, "Plus, this here elevator was, two feet away from yer."

"I think I'm going to go Angry Coco again," Coco told her friends.

* * *

The N- Team gazed at the _Sarsaparill_a's wreckage.

"Perfect, just perfect," Neo muttered, "We were so close, until mister "No Autopilot" over here crashed the ship into a tree!"

"Hey, I saved you guys' butts," Plat told Neo, "So don't you even blame me for-"

"Quiet!" Nina hollered, "Forget about that for now. Plat, you will go work on the ship while we go on ahead."

"But-" Plat said.

"Now!"

Plat scurried into the ship to fix it.

"We can just jump from branch to branch to reach the Caffeinators," Tropy said.

"Tropy," N. Gin said, "I have this thing about heights… and jumping… and branches."

"Are you scared of branches?" Tropy asked.

"You would be scared to if a tree branch gets stuck in your ear," N. Gin told Tropy, "It was itching my brain!"

"Well, how else are we supposed to get up there?" Neo asked leaning against the tree trunk.

The section of bark that Neo was leaning against gave way, and Cortex fell into the tree.

"The good news is that there are no sharp rocks," Neo said, "The bad news is that there are sharp pieces of wood instead."

* * *

The bandicoots peeked at the factory from behind a boulder.

"The place looks heavily guarded," Crunch told them, pointing to the Frostdroid guards.

"If only there was some sorta distraction," Billy Bob said.

Crash, Coco, Crunch, and Aku Aku looked at Billy Bob, smiling a bit like Neo whenever he has an evil plan.

"No! No!" Billy Bob yelped, "That's a bad idea! Don't listen to me!"

* * *

Later, Billy Bob was standing in front of the factory. He was wearing a blonde wig, a pink dress, high heels, and make up.

"Say your line," Coco whispered from behind the boulder.

"I don't know about this Coco," Billy Bob whispered back, "These here shoes clash with this here dress."

"Just say it!"

Billy Bob sighed and said in a girly voice, "Oh dear, it's so cold. If only there was a nice, warm, killer robot to keep me company."

The robots looked up at Billy Bob and yelled, "What is that thing! It's hideous! Kill it!"

Billy Bob ran away from the robots, screaming, "I told you they clash!"

The robots chased after Billy Bob, blasting their freeze rays. The bandicoots snuck into the factory. Billy Bob ran inside, got out his musket, and shot the robots.

"Now that's done," Billy Bob told the bandicoots, "Kin I have mah pants back? I'm gettin' a cold breeze in an unfortunate area."

* * *

The N- Team, meanwhile, was walking in what seemed to be in a tunnel dug into the tree. In fact, it was a whole system of tunnels.

"We'd better get moving," Cortex told his minions, walking forward.

"I don't know, Uncle Neo," Nina said, "I sense this certain doom awaiting us."

"What the worst that can happen?" Neo asked her.

He suddenly felt something brushing against his feet. He looked down to see that his feet were covered in mutant fish rats.

"Rats!" he screamed, "Save me Tropy!"

Neo tried to jump into Tropy's arms, but the time scientist didn't catch him and Cortex fell to the ground.

"Thanks a lot, Tropy," Neo said sarcastically.

"You're welcome," Tropy said, smirking.

"It looks like as if they're running away from something," N. Gin said, "But from what?"

"N. Gin, you are obsessed with that Cloverfield movie," Neo told him.

"I am not!" N. Gin declared.

"Say that to that spidery, parasite thing you built last week," Neo said.

"How was I supposed to know that it had childhood issues?" N. Gin asked.

"Quiet!" Nina ordered, "There's something moving in that tunnel."

She pointed to an intersecting tunnel. The N- Team stared at the tunnel in suspense. You can cut the tension with a knife, but not literally. Believe me, I've tried.

Suddenly, there was a loud roar from _behind_ the group of evil doers.

"There's something terrifying behind us, isn't there?" Neo asked no one in particular.

They turned around to see a huge green caterpillar with purple stripes. It had a large, drooling, three-jawed mouth, a pair of antennae, many legs, and six eyes. Did

I mention that it was being ridden by a certain centipede and stag beetle?

"It's those bug guys!" Neo pointed out, "What were their names again? Was it Sash and Rash?"

"No, you fool!" Rash- I mean Dash stated, "It's Dash and Smash!"

"I thought that we agreed on Smash and Dash," Dash said.

"It can go either way, okay?" Dash told his comrade, "Now, where were we? I remember now! Cortexes! This is a Poisonous Discombobulating Caterpillar. It's as

dangerous as it is ugly. It shall be your downfall! And- hey! Where did they go?"

* * *

Elsewhere in the tree, the N- Team was running for their lives.

"Did we lose them?" Tropy asked as Neo accidentally ran into the camera. The ground below them suddenly gave way. The N- Team fell into a large, dome-shaped

wooden cavern. They were falling quite fast- Aah!

"I'm okay! I landed on something soft!"

"Neo, that's the narrator."

"It is, Tropy! What do we do?"

It looks like as if I, PSManiac, have to narrate. Suddenly, the caterpillar burst out of a wall and landed a few feet away from the villainous heroes.

"Don't think that you can get away that easily!" Dash said.

* * *

The bandicoots walked into the assembly line room of the robot factory.

"It's like an oven in here," Crunch told his friends.

"Just like home," said a voice.

"Who said that?" Coco asked.

"Look up," the voice instructed.

The bandicoots looked up to see Gila Lobster on a platform attached to a mechanical arm.

"It's Gila Lobster!" Billy Bob exclaimed.

"Gila Lobster?" Aku Aku asked, "Who's he?"

"When I was on vacation in tha West World," Billy Bob explained, "Gila Lobster was a feared criminal all over tha world. But we was thinkin' that he took a long

motorbike ride of a short cliff."

"But by new boss, N. Terdimensional, saved me from my plummet," Gila said, "I am now a general in the 0th army. Although, I was hoping that stupid box-headed

scientist, Neo Cortex, and his minions were coming here. Oh well, you'll have to do. Besides, I love the smell of decaying fur in the morning."

"But it's three in the afternoon," Coco said, pointing to a nearby wall-mounted clock.

"I can see now why Nigel hates you guys so much," Gila said, rubbing his forehead.

"Wait a minute, back up. Nigel works for N. Terdimensional now?" Crunch asked.

"Yeah, now where was I?" Gila asked himself, "I remember now. I was preparing your funeral!"

He pressed a button on the control panel in front of him. Two laser cannons on mechanical arms came down from the ceiling and pointed themselves at our heroes.

* * *

The N- Team battled the caterpillar, avoiding its bite and the poisonous glop that it spat. Neo charged at the caterpillar, but it turned around when it saw Nina,

accidentally knocking Neo into a wall with its tail. Tropy laughed at Cortex as the box-headed scientist crashed into the wall.

"You _could_ help us, Tropy," Neo said.

"Sure thing box head," Tropy told him.

"I told you to stop calling me that!" Cortex yelled.

Suddenly, the _Sarsaparilla_ flew out of a wall. It was heading straight for the caterpillar.

"We've got to teleport!" Smash yelled.

He and Dash disappeared right before the caterpillar got squashed, spraying green glop everywhere. Tropy projected a shield around Nina, N. Gin, and himself, but

not Cortex.

"Finally, I had my mouth closed! I had my mouth clo-" he cheered before Tropy threw some sludge into Cortex's mouth.

The ship's doors opened up to reveal Captain Plat.

"Hey guys!" he said, "What did I miss?"

* * *

Gila Lobster blasted his lasers at the bandicoots. They ducked and dove to avoid them.

"Aku Aku!" Crunch called from behind a soda machine, "Can't you control metal, or something?"

"Oh! Duh!" Aku Aku said, "But this metal is artificial, I'll need you guys to cover me while I concentrate."

Crunch threw the soda machine at Gila Lobster. Gila shot the machine away, and Crash jumped up and spun one of the guns.

"Your little spins won't do you any good, bandicoot," Gila said, "These weapons are made out of solid iron idiotum alloy. You are all doomed!"

Suddenly, the platform and the two cannons were ripped out of their sockets and turned into Aku Aku's body.

"I didn't really mean all that stuff about you being doomed," Gila said, nervously watching the bandicoots crack their knuckles, "It was all for fun. I wasn't really going

to kill you."

Next thing they knew, a power crystal rose out of a nearby machine. Crash grabbed it, and then an alarm sounded as red lights flashed. The factory was also

shaking as several machines exploded.

"What did you do?" Gila asked, "You have to shut down the system before taking out the power source! Now this place will turn into a fireball! I'm not taking any

chances. See ya!"

The Gila monster and lobster hybrid teleported out of there.

"Look!" Coco called over the blaring alarms and explosions, "We can use that escape pod over there!"

They rush over to the escape pod. Next to it was a pad with buttons on it numbered from zero to nine, and a green button that has the word "operate" on it. Crash

pressed the green button.

"Hello, and welcome to the escape pod system!" said an overly gleeful computerized voice, "Please state your emergency. If the factory is being attack by the sludge

monkeys of Glootus Maximus, please press one. If you're out of chili sauce, press two. If you accidentally took the power source out of the main generator without

shutting down the system down first, and now the factory is going to explode into a raging fireball, please press three."

Crash pressed three, and the escape pod door opened.

"Thank you for using the escape pod system!" the voice said, "Do come again!"

The bandicoots filed into the escape pod. The pod closed its door, and it took off into the sky. The bandicoots watched as the factory exploded. The pod crashed into

the ground. Crash and his friends crawled out of the pod, dizzy.

"Let's do that again! Let's do that again!" Billy Bob cheered.

"Where are we?" Coco asked.

Billy Bob looked around.

"Look over thar!" he called, pointing to a huge temple in front of them, "We are in tha lost temple of Turbozuma, Turbo Temple."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…

The bandicoots explore the lost temple of Turbozuma, Turbo Temple, with danger and mystery around every corner. Meanwhile, the N- Team will visit the Caffeinator

colony on top of Caterpillar tree. What is N. Terdimensional planning? What will happen? Find out in **Chapter Nineteen: The Fast and the Furriest**.

* * *

PSManiac: We go through narrators like old socks, don't we? Review and suggest everybody!


	20. The Fast and the Furriest

PSManiac: Hi everybody! This is the nineteenth chapter of CDD. Special thanks to CrashFad13, Captain Liam.4000, and Christopher Mason for their ideas! Keep

reviews and suggestions rolling in everybody! I own nothing that I have not created myself. Enjoy!

**

* * *

******

Chapter Nineteen: The Fast and the Furriest

The _Sarsaparilla_ landed at a giant spaceship floating above Caterpillar Tree. It strangely resembled a coffee maker, but that's another story. The N- Team walked off

Plat's ship and onto the Caffeinator ship. Four robots were there to greet them. They were about three feet tall and were made of white metal. Their heads where

cube-shaped, their eyes were single blue bars of light, and they spoke out of black lines below their eyes. They had two arms, their main mode of transportation was

a single wheel, and they had tanks of brown liquid on their backs. These were the Caffeinators. N. Gin walked up to them.

"Greet-ings Caff-ein-a-tors!" he said, showing the "live long and prosper" hand sign, "We… come… in… peace!"

"We can speak English, you know," one robot said, "Humans, honestly."

Nina sniffed the air.

"Does anyone else smell coffee?" she asked.

Suddenly, the brown liquid in the tanks drained themselves into the Caffeinators. The robots began bouncing everywhere in a hyper fashion, yelling,

"Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!"

Plat blew a whistle and the Caffeinators calmed down, their tanks automatically refilling.

"Don't say that word, please," Plat told the N- Team.

"What word?" N. Gin asked, "Coffee?"

Plat blew the whistle and said, "Yes, that word, don't say it."

"What's wrong with coffee?" Nina asked, and Plat blew the whistle.

"It's just coffee," N. Gin said as Plat's whistle rang through the air.

"Coffee's just a word," Nina said, and Plat whistled the whistle.

"So what's wrong with coffee?" N. Gin asked.

Plat, out of breath, blew the whistle one more time. He turned to Nina and N. Gin.

"I'll tell you why you can't say coffee!" he yelled, "Because when the Caffeinators hear the word coffee, they get hyper as if they drank twenty cups of coffee! So

don't say coffee, no matter how much the place smells like coffee!"

Plat's eyes widened and covered his bill with his hands, realizing what he just said. He turned around to see the Caffeinators bouncing around everywhere. He

fainted in exhaustion. Cortex picked up the whistle, wiped off the platypus spit, and blew. The Caffeinators stopped and looked at him.

"Are you going to give us the crystal or what?" he asked.

"Oh, sure!" a Caffeinator said, giving him the purple crystal, "It was taking up space, anyway. Now we have room for a pool table!"

The crystal began shaking rapidly as it glowed brighter and brighter.

"It this thing set on vibrate, or something?" Neo asked.

There was a bright flash of light as the crystal, the N- Team, and the _Sarsaparilla_ disappeared. The Caffeinators looked around, wondering where the N- Team went.

"So what now?" a Caffeinator asked.

"To the Pool Table Emporium!" all of them declared.

* * *

The bandicoots walked along the floating brick path circling Turbo Temple.

"I'm getting bad vibes from this place," Crunch told his friends.

"What makes you say that?" Coco asked. Crunch pointed his thumb at a nearby skeleton that had sharp spears sticking out of its skull. Aku Aku shivered.

"I sense a power crystal nearby," he said, "Inside the main temple."

"What are y'all waiting fer?" Billy Bob asked, "Let's get that there crystal!"

The bandicoots rushed over the main temple.

"I hope that all this running doesn't interfere with my dreams of becoming a male supermodel," Crunch told himself out loud.

His friends gave him a look of bewilderment.

"I mean… a professional wrestler! Yeah, not a male supermodel," the muscular marsupial said.

* * *

The bandicoots soon came to a large burial room. There were pots, furniture, and treasure everywhere. In the center of the room was a sarcougha… surchoufa… a

coffin.

"This has ta be tha tomb of Turbozuma," Billy Bob whispered.

Crash pointed to the wall at the other side of the tomb. Embedded in the center of the wall was a glowing crystal.

"Nice job Crash!" Coco said.

Crash walked over to the wall the crystal was in. He studied the crystal carefully, and swiped it out of its slot.

"Don't!" Billy Bob screamed, bracing himself for anything bad that might happen. Nothing happened.

"Huh," the weasel said, "I guess that there ain't none-"

The coffin in the center of the room began shaking violently as a loud roar rang through the temple.

"-horrible traps," Billy Bob finished.

The coffin stopped shaking.

"This isn't the breakaway coffin-thingy, is it?" A nerdy, high-pitched voice asked from the coffin, "I keep telling him to use the breakaway, I'm not _that_ strong. Perhaps

if I can just unlatch the locks I can get out of here. Hang with me for a minute, I'm no Houdini. I just got to pull out this last thing here. Here we go."

The coffin burst open. Out came a huge mummy with a golden skull for a head. Out the sides of the skull were many brightly colored feathers arranged in a semi-

circle. He wore golden armor, and he had no right arm but a golden gauntlet floating at his side. Several loose bandages acted as tentacles, slithering through the

air like snakes.

"I am Emperor Turbozuma!" he declared, still in a nerdy voice, "Someone has stolen one of my crystals! Who did it?"

Crash quickly hid the crystal behind his back.

"No matter," Turbozuma said, "I grow bored, I have been asleep for many years. How about a little wager?"

"What's the wager?" Crunch asked.

"It's kart racing. If you win, I'll give you this," he told them as he pulled a power crystal out of his pocket, "But if I win, I get to suck out your life force, become alive

again, and call it a day. Do we have a deal?"

The bandicoots looked at each other and nodded their heads.

"Excellent," Turbozuma said.

* * *

The N- Team found themselves falling through the air. That crystal just had to zap them to twenty feet above the ground. Luckily, all of them landed in soft

shrubbery. Neo landed about ten feet from the rest of the N- Team.

"I'm okay!" he called, "I landed in this soft bush!"

"Uhh, Uncle Cortex," Nina said, "That's poison ivy."

Neo's skin became red and puffy.

"Look at the bright side, Doctor Cortex," N. Gin old his boss, "Things can't get any-"

The _Sarsaparilla_ crashed on top of Cortex.

"-worse," N. Gin finished.

Neo crawled out of one of the ship's windows. The window frame fell off and hit Neo's head, knocking him out.

"Where are we?" Tropy asked.

They seemed to be in some sort of tunnel. The walls were carved with intricate designs and had pictures painted on them. Plat woke from his unconsciousness. He

looked at the _Sarsaparilla_.

"Look at what you did to my ship!" he screamed, "I'm going to-"

He stopped and stared at something behind the members of the n- team that were still conscious.

"Holy guacamole," he mumbled.

Nina, N. Gin, and Tropy turned around to see a huge statue of a guy wearing armor, sandals, and a mask of a skull with feathers jutting out the sides.

"This is the lost tomb of Emperor Turbozuma," Plat said, "Turbo Temple."

"It not the most original name," Tropy said, "I think it's been used in about every Crash Bandicoot racing game."

A huge stone axe swung down from the ceiling and barely missed Tropy, slicing his really long whiskers in half.

"No!" Tropy over-dramatically cried out, "Not my babies! How dare you, PSManiac!"

"Tropy, it's just some whiskers," Nina told the blue human, "They'll grow back."

"I spent years of my life perfecting this style!" Tropy cried as tears gushed out of his eyes, "And now it's ruined!"

Neo woke up out of his unconsciousness.

"Ugh… What happened?" he asked before he noticed Tropy's emotional breakdown, "Tropy called PSManiac unoriginal, didn't he?"

Nina and N. Gin nodded. Neo sighed and shook his head.

"That's the fifth time this week," he said.

"I know how to cheer everyone up!" N. Gin exclaimed, "Banjo-playing clog dancers!"

"You'd better not," Tropy told N. Gin as he threateningly pointed his stick at N. Gin.

"I keep telling you that it's a scepter!"

"Yesterday you called it a stick," Neo told Tropy.

"Neo, why did you say that?" Tropy asked.

"It's because of PSManiac's truth ray," Cortex answered.

"Does the torment ever end?" Tropy asked.

In a word, no.

* * *

"Good morning racing fans!" Chick exclaimed, "Welcome to the Turbozuma 78 ½ Racing Challenge! I'm Chick Gizzardlips."

"And I'm Stew!" Stew introduced himself.

"In this race for their lives," Chick stated, "Crash Bandicoot, Coco Bandicoot, Crunch Bandicoot, Aku Aku, and Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher

Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe Richard Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter Liam Linus James Tomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton

Gene Weasellotti III, will be racing the legendary Emperor of 0th Dimension racing himself, Turbozuma!"

"To even out the team ratios," Stew said, "Turbozuma has created clones of the four greatest racers of the 3rd Dimension. Tell us who they are, Chick."

"I thought that you knew," Chick said.

"But I thought that you knew!" Stew said.

"So what do we do now?" Chick asked.

"Why don't we read their names off the teleprompter?" Stew asked.

"Oh," Chick said, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I thought that it was obvious!" Stew declared in his defense.

"Anyway, the racers are," Chick read, "Dark Pasadena, Dark Von Clutch, Dark Emperor Velo, and Dark Oxide."

"Wow, the bandicoots will have a hard time beating those racing titans," Stew said, "Chick, have you ever stuffed a plastic mango in a paper shredder? I know I

have. This is what the turnout of this race is going to be!"

"Sometimes I wonder about your strange hobbies," Chick said, "Anyway, the bandicoots will be driving their blue karts from Crash Nitro Kart. Dark Oxide, Velo, Von

Clutch, and Pasadena, on the other hand, will be driving Team Cortex's vehicles from CNK. Turbozuma will drive his custom made vehicle, the Wheels of

Discombobulation. Tell us more about the kart, Stew."

"Sure thing, Chick. The Wheels of Discombobulation is a custom made kart made by Turbozuma himself. 500.2 horsepower, Zerodium armor, and enough trunk space

to fit those 500.2 horses, it's a force to be reckoned with."

"Will the bandicoots defeat Turbozuma in a race for their lives?" Chick asked.

"Will the N-Team escape the tunnels under Turbo Temple?" Stew asked.

"Find out," they both said in unison, "In **Chapter Twenty: Racers of the Lost Ark**."

* * *

PSManiac: Review! Or else I'll run you over with 500.2 horses! Please?


	21. Racers of the Lost Ark

PSManiac: Chapter twenty! It's the big 2 and 0. Special thanks to PhantomBen, CrashFad13, and Captain Liam.4000 for their ideas. I own only stuff that I created

myself, nothing more and nothing less. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty: Racers of the Lost Ark

The racers and their karts lined up at the starting line. Crash looked to his left to see Turbozuma in the Wheels of Discombobulation. Turbozuma's custom made kart

had a golden color and a golden skull at the front with headlights in its eyes. The skull in the front also had four large exhaust pipes coming from the mouth, and on

the back of the kart were four rocket engines. He looked at the dark clones of Pasadena, Von Clutch, Velo, and Oxide. They looked exactly like their counterparts

except with glowing red eyes.

"The race will begin," the announcer… well… announced, "In 5… 4... 3… 2… 2 ½… 2 ¾… 2 7/8… 2 15/16…"

Hey guys, that was your cue.

The racers realized this and finally yelled, "Get on with it!"

"Fine!" the announcer yelled, "3 2 1 go!"

The karts shot off, with Turbozuma in the lead.

"Here we are! The race has started!" Chick exclaimed, "It's Turbozuma in the lead, and following closely is Velo. The rest of the racers in order of position are Crash,

Coco, Pasadena, Aku Aku, Oxide, Crunch, and with Billy Bob and Von Clutch fighting for ninth place!"

The karts leapt over fire pit and rammed through the first line of item boxes. Von Clutch drove next to Billy Bob with a Bowling Bomb in hand. He was about to throw

it when Billy Bob shot off the German racing champ's tires with his musket.

"This ist very dizzying, ya?" Von Clutch asked himself as his kart spun out of control and careened into a boulder. He got up, with cartoony tires spinning around his

head.

"And Billy Bob takes ninth place!" Stew announced, "This is just like last week, when I put an Aerosmith CD in a blender and set it to frappe!"

"Wait a minute," Chick said, "I lost an Aerosmith CD last week."

"And it makes a great smoothie," Stew told his co- reporter, "Although it smells like Uncle Salty."

Crunch jumped over a lava pit and launched a missile at Oxide. The Gasmoxian avoided at missile and turned to Crunch.

"Ha! You missed me!" he yelled, not noticing the missile hit a rock and release a huge boulder. He turned around to see the boulder falling straight towards him. He

swerved out of the way.

"Phew, that was too close," he said before he crashed into a palm tree. 1253 coconuts hit his head.

"Palm trees don't have that many…" Oxide stated before his head was hit by 1253 more coconuts, "… coconuts."

"And Crunch passes Oxide by a landslide!" Stew announced, "Get it? By a landslide, because there's the boulder and…"

"We _get it_, Stew," Chick said, frowning at Stew and then smiling at the camera, "Let's see how the N- Team is doing!"

* * *

"So that's who this Turbozuma guy was?" Neo asked Plat after the platypus told them about the racing emperor, "I know someone else like that, but whom?"

"Is it that Velo guy?" Nina asked.

"Wait, it's on that tip of my tongue," Neo said, "Who was it?"

He leaned on the statue, and it fell apart. Cortex fell to the floor along with the rubble that was once Turbozuma's statue. A rock-like thing went down the poor

doctor's throat, making him choke on the object. He clutched his neck and made various hand signals to say, "Help me! I'm choking!"

"I love charades!" N. Gin said, "It's a movie! It has two words. First word sounds like hair, or is it hairy? Yes, it sounds like hairy. Um… The Matrix!"

Neo shook his head and pointed at his neck, and then he pointed down his throat.

"Gagging? Choking?" N. Gin asked as Neo nodded, "Choking… it's a really bad movie. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead?"

Nina rolled her eyes and gave her uncle the Heimlich maneuver. The object flew out of the mad scientist's mouth.

"I can't feel my spine," Cortex told his niece.

Tropy caught the object and immediately recognized what it was.

"It's a power crystal!" he said before dropping it in disgust, "With spit all over it."

Cortex picked up the crystal and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Well, at least we're all…" he said before a trap door opened beneath them, "…safe."

They fell down into the pit. Tropy grabbed a hold on a branch, N. Gin grabbed Tropy's leg, Neo grabbed N. Gin's leg, Plat grabbed Neo's leg, and Nina grabbed Plat's

tail, much to Plat's discomfort.

"Don't look down, guys," Tropy advised.

"Why not?" Neo asked, and he looked down.

He saw that the bottom of the pit was covered in spikes with several skeletons impaled upon them.

"Oh, that's why," Neo said.

Suddenly, there was a loud crack.

"The branch is braking!" Tropy yelled.

"Guys!" Nina called, "I can see a large opening on the wall. We can swing over to it and jump in!"

"Is that a good idea?" Tropy asked.

"Is there any other way?" Nina asked back.

Tropy thought for a moment, opened his mouth to say something, and closed his mouth.

"I thought so," said the evil niece, "Now swing!"

The N- Team swung back and forth, and the branch began cracking even more. They jumped through the opening and onto a tiled floor as the branch fell into the

spikes.

"So what do we do now?" Neo asked.

He noticed a large door in front of them. He opened the door to see a long hallway filled with huge swinging axes.

The evil doctor sighed and said, "This just isn't my day."

* * *

"And we're back," Chick announced, "We are near the end of lap one of three in Turbozuma Prix. And now, here's Stew, trackside, for the latest race coverage. Stew,

can you hear us?"

A screen appeared beside Chick, showing Stew next to the track.

"Can you hear us, Stew?" Chick asked.

No reply was made by Stew.

"It seems that we are having technical difficulties," Chick said, and then Stew started picking his nose.

"Ugh! That's so wrong!" Chick screamed.

Stew pulled out a booger, receiving another "Ugh!" from Chick.

"Well, at least the worst of it's over," Chick told his audience before Chick ate the booger.

"Ugh!" Chick screamed again.

Stew looked up at the camera.

"Oh, hi Chick!" he greeted, "How long were you watching?"

"For far too long," Chick answered, "Anyway, is there any news from the race track?"

"There is, Chick," Stew said, "It was like the time I shot off a firework with a barrel of sausages attached to it. Here come the racers! Crossing the finish line and

starting lap two. The current positions are: Turbozuma in first, Velo in second, Crash in third, Pasadena in fourth, Aku Aku in fifth, Coco in sixth, Von Clutch in

seventh, Billy Bob in eighth, Crunch in ninth, and Oxide in tenth."

"Thank you, Stew," Chick said, "It looks like as if Crash Bandicoot has a win in reach. All he has to do is pass two racing emperors, Dark Velo and Turbozuma himself.

Let go to the Crash Cam and see what's going on."

* * *

Crash wove his kart past the huge swinging axes trap. He jumped over a lava pit and landed safely, with Dark Velo in his sights. Dark Velo saw Crash catching up

with him, and snarled. He picked up an item crate.

"It's time for me to exterminate this pest infestation," he said, throwing some Nitro Crates behind him, "Haha! That's a good one. I've got to start writing things like

that down."

Crash noticed that the line of Nitro Crates was blocking the track off completely.

"Oh no!" Chick exclaimed, "How can Crash go through those Nitro Crates without losing his chances of winning? Find out after we check up on the N- Team."

* * *

The N- Team watched the blades swing back and forth.

"How are we supposed to get through that?" Captain Plat asked.

"We can use that shortcut over there," Nina said, pointing to a nearby hallway that went around the axes.

"Why do I never notice anything convenient?" Neo asked himself.

They walked down the hallway and soon came to a large, floating, red orb of glass with a yellow "pupil" in the center.

"What is that thing?" N. Gin asked.

"If I remember my history classes correctly," Plat said, "Then that thing is the Eye of Truthiness. It has the ability to make anyone it gazes upon to speak any secret."

"I'll go first then!" N. Gin told them as he ran up to the Eye.

The Eye of Truthiness looked at N. Gin, and the half-robot scientist found himself saying, "It's my dream to be a German banjo-playing clog dancer!"

"Why am I not surprised?" Tropy asked himself as N. Gin walked past the Eye, blushing. He walked up to the Eye.

"My skin isn't naturally blue!" Tropy blabbed out loud.

Neo walked up.

"I have a pet rabbit named Little Fuzzy Buns!" he yelled, and Plat walked up.

"I cheated on my final piloting exam!" he told everyone.

And now it was Nina's turn. She walked up to the Eye of Truthiness, and punched it. The Eye shattered into a million pieces. Nina blew the dust and glass shards off

her metal knuckles.

Neo turned N. Gin, Tropy, and Captain Plat and asked, "Why didn't we think of that?"

* * *

"Welcome back, folks!" Chick said, "When you last saw Crash, he was in a big dilemma. Give us the details, Stew."

"I will, Chick," Stew answered, "Crash Bandicoot is faced with a whole mess of Nitro Crates that has blocked the track. What will he do? Let's go the Crash Cam."

* * *

Crash looked at the line of Nitro Crates in horror. He thought for a moment, and a cartoony light bulb clicked on above his head. He took the light bulb and threw it at

the Nitro Crates. All of them exploded in a chain reaction.

"Wow! It looks like as if Crash has pulled through!" Chick announced, "Using an overused cartoony gag, Crash has detonated all the Nitro Crates without being hurt.

The chain reaction also caused a conveniently placed giant, swinging hammer trap to swing down and knock Dark Velo far away."

Dark Velo heard this and said, "Wait… what did you say?"

The giant hammer swung down and struck Dark Velo, sending him far away and out of the race. Dark Velo crashed into a wall and exploded, and Tiny Dark Velo fell

out of the smoke and onto the ground.

"I'm okay!" he called before his kart fell on top of him.

Crash drove up to Turbozuma as they crossed the finish line and started the third and final lap.

"You're mine now, bandicoot," Turbozuma said, whipping out many weapons, "I, the great Emperor Turbozuma, have never lost a race, and never will!"

"Oh no," Chick said, "It looks like as if Turbozuma has an ace up his sleeve."

"I thought that he had weapons up his sleeve," Stew told Chick, "Does he even have sleeves?"

"It's a figure of speech, Stew," Chick said, "Will the bandicoots defeat Turbozuma? Will the N- Team make it out of the catacombs alive? Find out, readers, in **Chapter **

**Twenty-One: Tomb Racer**!"

* * *

PSManiac: Review and suggest! And I have an exclusive scene from the next chapter! Here's the new…

Stew: PSManiac? What does this button on this remote control do?

PSManiac: Stew! It turns off the chapter! Don't press…


	22. Tomb Racer

PSManiac: Hello and welcome to Chapter Twenty-one of Dimension Dilemma! Sorry for not showing you guys the exclusive preview. To make up for our little preview

problem, here is a little known fact about Turbozuma. During the development of the story's main ideas, Turbozuma was originally going to be an ancient mask of

speed, but I decided that an ancient emperor background would fit better with his name. Anyway, I only own the stuff that I created. And special thanks to

CrashFad13, Captain Liam.4000, and cuzallday for their ideas. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-One: Tomb Racer

"Welcome back, racing fans," Chick said, "To the bandicoots' race for their lives against Emperor Turbozuma the Terrible!"

"I thought he was called Turbozuma the Undefeated?" Stew asked.

"Because if he does get defeated, then he'll be called Turbozuma the Almost Undefeated," Chick said, "It doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of his enemies."

"It would be like cutting apart a roast pig with a chainsaw," Stew told Chick.

"You just _had_ to do that during Christmas dinner," Chick said, "Anyway, when we last saw Crash Bandicoot, he was facing off with Turbozuma in a desperate race to

the finish and the win. Let's go to the Crash Cam and see what's going on."

* * *

Crash ducked under Turbozuma's missile fire and jumped over a lava pit.

"You're doomed, bandicoot!" Turbozuma roared, "I have had many years of racing experience, and I am undefeated. No _rat_ is going to beat me!"

Crash quickly swerved around to avoid TNT Crates. Crash threw a Bowling Bomb at Turbozuma, and it missed.

"Ha! You missed!" Turbozuma bellowed.

The Bowling Bob rolled up a tall ramp and rolled back down again. Turbozuma looked in front of him the see the Bowling Bomb rolling his way.

"Oh, salmon bits," he muttered before the Bowling Bomb hit his kart and exploded.

Crash drove past the soot-covered kart. Turbozuma shook the ash off of him and shifted gears, snarling.

"Lucky shot," he said.

The Wheels of Discombobulation raced after our orange hero. The skull on the front opened up its "mouth" to reveal a rocket launcher. Turbozuma smiled evilly.

He fired the rockets and said, "I have you now!"

* * *

"We interrupt this program to check up on the N- Team, and to make you very annoyed," Chick said.

* * *

During the race, the N- Team made it through the Quicksand of Doom, the Spiked Wall of Death, and the Ice Cream Shop of Peril. The N- Team, licking on ice cream

cones, walked into a large, circular arena. Neo looked at his ice cream.

"Wait a minute, didn't I order Fudge Ripple?" he asked.

"Sorry about that," N. Gin said, switching cones with Cortex. The box-headed scientist looked at the saliva-covered ice cream, and threw it over his shoulder. The

cone flew through the air and hit an Interdroid, who was sneaking up on them, in the eye.

"My eye! It burns!" the Interdroid, Pablo, screamed as he fell into the Bottomless Pit of Uncertain Deepness.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake.

"What's going on?" Nina asked.

"We're about to find out!" Tropy exclaimed, pointing to a portal that has appeared at the top of the large room they were in. Out of the portal came several

Interdroids. They were purple and silver in color, and had jet packs strapped to their backs. These were the Jetdroids.

"Great! It's more Interdroids!" Neo said, "Who's up for kicking some robotic hindquarters painfully? Because I'm not."

"Oh no, you're going to fight along with us," Tropy said.

Neo sighed and said, "Fine, I'll help."

Tropy blasted one of the Jetdroids with a bolt of energy, but one of the robots rammed into him from behind. Tropy got angry and pulled the Jetdroid, Horace, back

with a tractor beam. He punched it in the face. Horace took one of Tropy's gloves and slapped the time scientist in the face. Tropy tore off Horace's left hand and

slapped the Jetdroid's face with it, knocking him out. Meanwhile, N. Gin and another Jetdroid, Ivan, got in a slap fight.

"There's too many of them!" Neo pointed out, blasting a couple Jetdroid, "They just keep on growing in numbers. We need to shut down that portal-thingy up there,

but how? How? HOW?"

Nina thought for a minute and said, "Uncle Cortex, I have an idea!"

"Well, what is it?" Neo asked his niece.

"Do you remember when your toilet started gushing water and flooded your room."

"Unfortunately…"

"Well, Brio plugged it up with a sausage, so what if we plug up that portal?"

"That's one big sausage."

"Not a sausage. We need to use something big, like a boulder."

"Nina, that evil genius streak of yours is showing."

"It is? Where?"

* * *

"Welcome back, race fans," Chick said, "When we last left our little orange hero, Turbozuma unleashed some homing missiles upon him."

"I think they're rockets, Chick," Stew corrected.

"It's missiles," Chick told Stew back.

"Rockets."

"Missiles."

"Rockets!"

"Missiles!"

"ROCKETS!"

"Enough!" Chick said, "How about we go to the Crash Cam."

"Fine," Stew said, "… rockets."

* * *

Crash drove down the track, avoiding swinging axes, flamethrowers, and disgruntled tourists. He looked in his kart's side mirror to see four missiles, or rockets,

heading toward him. He stomped on the accelerator and used a ramp to jump over a lava pit with flying fireballs. One of the missiles hit a fireball and exploded.

Crash landed safely on the other side and raced on. He used a TNT Crate to take care of another missile. He skidded around a boulder, and the third missile struck

the before mentioned boulder. The remaining missile chased after our furry hero. Crash quickly picked up and item crate, and threw the crate at the missile. It

exploded successfully. Crash cheered, but his celebration was cut short when Turbozuma drove up behind him.

"It's time for you to be defeated, bandicoot!" Turbozuma bellowed in his permanently nerdy voice. The floating, golden hand picked up a long, golden mallet with

spikes on it.

"This ought to pound some sense into you!" he said, preparing to swing it at the bandicoot.

* * *

"It looks like as if Turbozuma's tricks never end," Chick told the audience.

"Find out what happens," Stew said, "Right after we cut to the Cortex Cam."

* * *

Neo climbed up the walls of the room.

"This is a very bad idea," he said to himself.

He slipped on a collapsing ledge, but grabbed hold of the wall again. He looked down at the floor far down below. Did I mention that he was afraid of heights?

"I'm not afraid of heights!" Neo said.

Well, now you are.

"Says who?"

Says me, I'm the author. I can control everything in this story! Everything!

"Kook," Cortex whispered to himself.

The ledge he was hanging on to gave way, and he fell.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he screamed.

Next thing he knew, he was holding onto a vine.

"I'm glad that's over," Neo said, "My life was flashing before my eyes. That reminds me, Tropy owes me five bucks."

He climbed up to a cliff with a huge boulder placed near the edge. Cortex tied one end of a vine around the boulder and roped the other end around a stalactite.

"I sure hope this works," Neo said to himself.

He pushed the boulder over the cliff. It swung forward and blocked the portal.

"Yes!" Neo cheered.

Suddenly, the portal and boulder exploded. Rocks went flying everywhere. Pablo climbed out of the Bottomless Pit of Uncertain Deepness.

"I finally climbed out of there," he said.

A sharp rock flew at Pablo and struck him in the eye.

"Ah! My other eye!" he screamed as he fell back into the Bottomless Pit of Uncertain Deepness. Cortex quickly avoided the flying rubble.

"I survived!" he cheered.

Suddenly, the cliff collapsed. Neo fell screaming and landed on something soft and squishy.

"I'm okay!' he called, "I landed on something soft and squishy!"

"That's me, box-head!" Tropy yelled as he threw Cortex off of him.

A nearby door opened and out the door floated a power crystal.

"It's a power crystal!" Nina pointed out, and she put the glowing object in her pocket.

Then, the ground beneath them gave way.

"I hate it when this happens!" Plat screamed.

They landed on top of Plat's ship.

"We're right back where we started!" Neo said, "How are we supposed to get out of here?"

At those words, the crystal floated out of Nina's pocket and zapped the ship. That zap repaired the ship completely. The N- Team rushed up to it.

"My baby!" Plat screamed as he began kissing the ship's hull.

"Should we just leave you two alone?" Tropy asked with a disgusted look on his face.

* * *

"Welcome back, folks!" Chick said, "When we last left our bandicoot hero, Crash Bandicoot, he was being pursued by Turbozuma wilding a big mallet."

"And now," Stew announced, "Let's go to the Crash Cam!"

* * *

Crash ducked under Turbozuma's mallet.

"I will win, no matter what!" Turbozuma yelled.

Crash saw the finish line only a few yards away from them. He sped up.

"Oh no, you don't!" Turbozuma bellowed as his own kart sped up.

"And here comes Crash and Turbozuma!" Chick announced, "They're head-to-head, nose-to-nose, appendix-to-appendix!"

They raced closer to the finish line.

"And…" Chick said, "Turbozuma finishes…"

"Yes!" he cheered, "Your souls are mine!"

"…In second place," Chick finished.

"Wait… what do you mean by 'second place?'" Turbozuma asked.

"Billy Bob finished about twenty minutes before you," Chick said as he pointed to the "first place" platform.

Standing there was Billy Bob, waving with one arm and holding a big "first place" trophy with the other.

"No fair!" Turbozuma whined, "I want a rematch!"

The bandicoots ran him over with their karts. A crystal flew up in the air and Crash caught it. Suddenly, the crystal glowed brightly and teleported the bandicoots.

* * *

Crash woke up to find him and his friends in a large forest. Coco looked around.

"Where are we?" she asked her friends.

Crunch shrugged.

"My trophy's gone!" Billy Bob screamed,

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

"I'm sorry that I failed, master," Turbozuma apologized, "Those bandicoots are just too fast."

"It's nothing to worry about, Turbozuma," a voice said, "The pieces are falling into place like a jigsaw puzzle."

"I will destroy those bandicoots!" Turbozuma exclaimed.

"Not yet, not until I say so," the voice said.

"But Professor N. Terdimensional..."

"Enough! I brought you back into this world, I can take you back out of it!"

"Yes sir."

"The bandicoots will have no idea what hit them. Bwahahahahahahahaha! Laugh with me Turbozuma! Bwahahahahahahahha ha ha he he ha... haha... he ha ha.

Ahem, So... what now?"

"Umm... chapter preview?"

"Oh, okay."

* * *

"What will happen to the bandicoots?" Chick asked.

"Will the N- Team find the remaining crystals?" Stew asked.

"Find out the answers to these questions," they said in unison, "In **Chapter Twenty-Two: Lumber Lunacy**."

* * *

PSManiac: Read and review guys! If you do, I'll shower you with gifts! Definitely, most likely, maybe, probably not.


	23. Lumber Lunacy

PSManiac: Hello and welcome to Chapter twenty-two! Do you know what day it is today? It's July 21st, the one year

anniversary of Dimension Dilemma! Happy Birthday to this story! Special thanks to all who gave suggestions. I can't

remember you names, but you know who you are. Remember, if I didn't create it, I don't own it. Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Two: Lumber Lunacy

"Do you see anything, Aku Aku?" Crunch called.

Floating above the tree tops was Aku, looking for civilization.

"There seems to be a building about a mile west!" he called back.

The rest of the bandicoots walked in one direction.

"Your _other_ west," he said.

They quickly changed direction as Aku Aku followed them. But it wasn't long before the bandicoots found themselves trapped

in a net.

"This is just great," Crunch sarcastically told his friends, "We haven't even walked five feet, and we got captured."

The net was surrounded by twelve cloaked beings that were only about two feet tall. The mysterious beings dragged the

net, along with the bandicoots, away.

"We might as well see where they are taking us," Coco said.

Aku Aku turned to Crash and said, "Five bucks says that they are taking us to a torture chamber."

* * *

"We'll be right back to Dimension Dilemma after these messages," Chick said.

* * *

"Are you questioning Professor N. Terdimensional's iron-fisted rule?" Ratsputin asked, "Then take Ratsputinol, recommended

by all 0th Dimension doctors against their will. Side effects include nausea, depression, loss of vital organs, hypnotism, slight

discomfort in hind regions, and spontaneous combustion when you disobey your lord and master. Buy Ratsputinol today, or

else!"

* * *

"We now return to the show," Chick said.

* * *

The bandicoots were dragged into a large village of tree houses. They were carried up into one of the largest tree houses

and set free from the net.

"I'm glad that's over," Coco said, yanking twigs out of her hair.

Crash noticed that they were standing in front of a white brick wall with a large bull's-eye painted behind the five heroes.

Crash looked in front of them to see seven hooded beings pointing slingshots loaded with chestnuts at the five of them.

"Something tells me that this might hurt," Crunch said, bracing himself for any pain that might come.

Another hooded figure with a golden medal on its chest walked up to the line of hooded figure's right. It raised its arm high.

"Here comes that here hurtin' Crunch was talkin' about," Billy Bob said.

* * *

The N- Team flew in the _Sarsaparilla_ through the deep darkness of space.

"Where are we going, again?" Neo asked Captain Plat.

"Well, Professor N. Terdimensional is not to be trusted," Plat told the N- Team, "He'll probably destroy all of you if you bring

him those crystals. After all, he did rule most of the Ring of Thirteen though lies and deceiving."

"The Ring of Thirteen?" Nina asked, "What's that?"

Plat got out a holographic screen with a map on it. It consisted of twelve islands arranged in a circle and a larger island in

the center.

"We're in the Ring of Thirteen," Plat said, "The ring is divided into thirteen main areas. We are heading to the larger of the

areas, Zeropolis. We're in the empty space within the ring, the Blackzone."

"Is it this big island in the middle?" Tropy asked.

"No, it's not," Plat said, "That island is N. Terdimensonal's fortress, the Zerolith."

Suddenly, the ship jerked to a stop, knocking everyone over.

"What was that?" Neo asked as he got up from the floor.

N. Gin got up with a barrel stuck on his head.

"I fell over and got stuck in this barrel of ham," N. Gin said, "But it smells more like pork."

Tropy pulled the barrel off of N. Gin as there was a loud "clang" on the side of the ship, like metal against metal.

"I sure hope that was something friendly," Neo said.

Several more "clangs" rang throughout the cabin, as if heading towards the observation deck.

"It's going to the observation deck!" Plat said, "We'd better check it out."

"But won't the vacuum of deep space suffocate us?" Neo asked.

"Nah," Plat said, "The ship has an air shield around it."

"But it doesn't have an autopilot," Neo muttered.

The five of them ran up to the observation deck, but everything seemed normal when they got up there.

"Everything seems fine," Neo said before a huge Interdroid climbed onto the observation deck.

The Interdroid looked like the Gigadroid except silver and a sword for a left hand.

"That thing doesn't look very friendly," Nina said.

The robot's chest opened up to reveal Ratsputin in the driver's seat of the robot.

"You're that rat guy from N. Terdimensional's base!" Neo pointed out.

"Yes," the rat said, "I am Otto Von Ratsputin, and this Omegadroid shall bring doomy doom of doomful proportions to you,

doomed N- Team. Doom!"

* * *

The short, hooded figures prepared to fire when another short, hooded figure came onto the scene and whispered

something into the hooded figure with the medal's ear. It made several hand signals to the firing squad, and they put away

their weapons. Crunch opened one eye.

"Why isn't there any pain?" he asked no one in particular.

The hooded figures took of their hoods, showing that they had large eyes and brown, gray, or reddish brown fur. Coco

noticed that they had large bushy tails.

"They're squirrels!" she told her friends.

"Them there must be tha Secret Society of the Secret Squirrels!" Billy Bob said, "I learned about them in secret history class."

The bandicoots stared at him.

"Wha?" he asked, "I went ta school, too!"

The squirrel with the medal, a gray squirrel with a long mustache, he motioned for Crash to come forward. Crash looked at

his friends, and they shrugged. Well, except for Aku Aku because of his little problem of having no shoulders, or a body.

Crash walked forward and, to his surprise, the Secret Squirrels began bowing to him.

"Why are they bowing?" Coco asked.

The squirrels stopped bowing and motioned to the bandicoots to follow them. The bandicoots shrugged and followed the

squirrels into a large room with a giant statue in the middle that amazingly resembles Crash.

"Woah," the five of them gasped in unison.

"Crash must be some sorta god to tha Secret Squirrels," Billy Bob said.

"But I wonder what this world is called for the sake of the story's continuity," Coco said.

One squirrel pulled down a map for the bandicoots. Coco rushed over and studied it.

"This must be where we are," she said as she pointed to a red X on the map, "The Dreadwood Forest."

Coco noticed that the islands on the map were in a circle, and that they went to nearly half of the places.

"Look there's Mount Rash," Coco said, "And the Wet Sea, Tropica, Gaseous, Mount Neverest, and Turbo Temple. It's almost

like a path. What do you think Crash? Crash?"

Crash was busy being showered with gifts from the Secret Squirrels.

"Ugh," Coco said, "Brothers…"

* * *

Nina dove out of the way of Omegadroid's laser blasts. Cortex shot at the robot, but his blasts just bounced off of a shield

around the robot.

"There seems to be some sort of shield around the robot," Neo told Plat.

"There has to be a Shielderatormatic around here somewhere," Plat said.

"A shielderwhatywhat?" Neo asked.

"A Shielderatormatic, it creates force fields," Plat explained

The spaceship pilot looked up to see a small, satellite-like thing hovering above the robot.

"Up there!" Plat called.

"It's smaller than I expected," Neo said, "But I don't care, as long as I get to blast it down."

Neo took careful aim and fired at the Shielderatormatic. It exploded into a garzillion tiny pieces. The Omegadroid's shield

deactivated.

"No matter!" Ratsputin said, "I can still easily destroy all of you, even without my force field."

The Omegadroid fired several blasts at Neo. Neo did that cool Matrix-style bend back thing. The blasts missed him, but there

was a loud "crack."

"I should really stop doing that move," Cortex said.

Plat threw some grenades at the Omegadroid. They exploded and tore of its wrist-mounted cannon. Omegadroid roared and

slashed at Plat with its sword. Plat jumped back and slid under the robot's legs. Omegadroid looked under its legs, and Tropy

stabbed its eyes with his scepter…

"It's a stick! No! I mean…"

Ha ha! I got you there! The robot roared again and jumped around to face Tropy. Nina leapt forward and tore off the

Omegadroid's sword. It roared and turned around again, only to become face-to-face with Neo's ray gun.

"I'm getting out of here!" Ratsputin yelled as he teleported.

Neo blasted the robot's head. The blast knocked the robot off the ship and into space, where it exploded. The N- Team

returned to the ship's control room, and they were covered in soot.

"That was… explosive," Neo said as he brushed soot and robot remains out of his hair.

Neo felt something smooth and hard in his hair. He yanked it out, loosing a wad of hair in the process, and realized that it

was a power crystal.

"Another score for the N- Team!" Neo cheered as he put the crystal in his pocket, "Things can't get any better."

The ship shook violently.

"We can't say that, either?" Neo said, "I bet Crash doesn't have problems like this."

"Isn't Crash mute?" Nina asked N. Gin.

Tropy looked outside through the window.

"You guys better check this out," he said.

They looked outside and saw a gigantic fleet of pirate ship-like spaceships.

"Space pirates," Neo said, "There are always space pirates."

* * *

Coco studied a drawing on the wall of the room they were in. Aku Aku, Crunch, and Billy Bob walked up to her.

"Someone drew on the wall," Crunch said, "They are so going to get in trouble."

"These are prophecies, Crunch," Coco corrected, "And I figured out why the Secret Squirrels love Crash so much. Do you see

that drawing?"

"Are ya talkin' 'bout that there dancing banana?" Billy Bob asked.

"No, that drawing there," Coco said, "It shows a brown, hairy creature that is destroying the forest."

"So?" Crunch asked.

"In this drawing over here," Coco said, "Crash defeated the creature. Notice anything familiar about the creature?"

"No, not really," Aku said.

"Do you recognize the dirty overalls and the goggles?" Coco asked.

"Nope," Crunch said.

Coco sighed and yelled, "It's Hairy Mole!"

"Ohhh," the three of them said in unison.

"Hairy Mole is here," Coco said, "And the Secret Squirrels want Crash to defeat Hairy Mole and save Dreadwood Forest!"

"So how do we find him?" Crunch asked.

"I think he's thar," Billy Bob said, pointing out a window.

The four of them looked out the window and saw a gigantic lumber mill in the distance.

"How can you tell he's there?" Coco asked.

Billy Bob pointed to a huge sign on the mill that said, "Hairy Mole's Lumber Mill of Evil."

Crunch read the sign and said, "I can't believe we missed that."

* * *

Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma...

The bandicoots travel to Hairy Mole's Lumber Mill of Evil to face the near-sighted ne'er-do-well, according to the Secret

Squirrels' prophecy. Meanwhile, the N- Team must face an armada of space pirates? How will this end? Find out in **Chapter **

**Twenty-Three: An Irate Life for Me**.

* * *

PSManiac: Review everybody!


	24. An Irate Life for Me

PSManiac: Arg, mateys, as we set sail for the twenty-third chapter of Dimension Dilemma! Read this new buccaneering adventure. Raise the mizzenmast for

CrashFad13, Captain Liam.4000, and Christopher Mason for their ideas! I have commandeered no ideas that are not my own! Enjoy or you'll walk the plank!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Three: An Irate Life for Me

Coco, Crunch, Aku Aku, and Billy Bob waited for Crash in the Secret Food Court of the Secrecy.

"Billy Bob, I'm wondering," Coco said as she ate her mushroom pizza "Why do the Secret Squirrels _never_ talk to us?"

"Well, Coco," Billy Bob stated, drinking his milkshake, "All Secret Squirrels take that there oath of silence. They can only whisper ta other Secret Squirrels, and talk to

everythin' usin' a special sign language. Why do ya ask?"

"Oh, you know," Coco said, "Story continuity."

"Look, here comes Crash," Crunch said.

Crash walked up to them, smiling the Crash Bandicoot Smile ™.

"Are you ready to go, Crash?" Coco asked.

Crash nodded and put his thumbs up. Coco told him about the lumber mill in between chapter, but I decided that I was too lazy to actually type it all down. Anyway,

the bandicoots boarded a Secret Squirrel plane with several Secret Squirrels. The plane took off. As the plane flew through the air, Crunch started turning green.

"I don't feel so good," he said.

Crunch stuck his head out the window and puked, but in the direction the plane was going. So, his upchucked mess hit him in the face. Crash and Coco pulled Crunch

back into the plane and closed the window. A door on the plane opened.

"Why is that thar door opening?" Billy Bob asked.

"Because the plan is that we parachute out," Aku Aku explained, "Why did you think you were wearing a parachute?"

"I thought it was lunch!" the hillbilly weasel exclaimed, "Plus I have this here thing about heights…"

A Secret Squirrel rolled his eyes and pushed Billy Bob off the plane. Everyone else jumped out.

"I have to use the bathroom!" Billy Bob said before screaming his guts out.

"Pull the cord!" Crunch yelled to Billy Bob who was busy screaming his guts out.

"Pull the cord!" Crunch repeated.

A Secret Squirrel came and pulled the cord for Billy Bob, activating the parachute. Soon, everyone was gently floating down to the lumber mill.

"Guys," Billy Bob said, "I don't have ta use the bathroom anymore."

* * *

The N- Team heard something coming onto the ship.

"It's the pirates!" Neo whispered, "Hide!"

Captain Plat turned off the lights, and all of them hid in the barrel of ham. Two lanky, robotic pirates walked onto the ship's bridge.

"Is there anything to plunder?" one of them asked.

The two pirates wore red and white striped, baggy pants with a black belt, a piece of cloth tied around each of their heads, and one earring each. One of them

looked closely at the barrel of ham.

"Ham," he read off the label on the side, "We could use some more ham."

"Let's get going, mateys!" A large pirate said, "We need to get moving!"

Cortex looked through a knothole in the barrel and looked at the large pirate. He had a long beard of metal, glowing yellow eyes, a three-cornered pirate hat, a gray

coat, brown baggy pants, a black belt complete with a skull-shaped belt buckle, and a porthole on his chest with a dazzling gem shining through glass.

"Aye, aye, Captain Metalbeard," the two lanky pirates said in unison.

"And stop saying stuff in unison!" Metalbeard commanded, "You know how much I hate that."

The two robots saluted their captain and began rolling the barrel of ham off the ship.

"Tropy!" Nina whispered, "Your stick is poking my eye out!"

"It's not a stick, it's a scepter!" Tropy whispered back.

"A very stick-like scepter."

"Would you two be quiet?" Neo snapped in a whisper.

Thankfully, the robot pirates didn't hear them. Instead, they picked up the barrel, threw it into the cargo room, and left. The N- Team crawled out of the barrel.

"Gross," Neo said as he waved his hand in front of his face, "That ham stunk."

"That wasn't the ham," N. Gin said, and everyone took two steps away from him.

"That Captain Metalbeard guy had a power gem," Neo said, "We have to go and get it if we ever want to return home!"

"And plus," Plat said, "He might have the _Sarsaparilla_."

"Can't we just wait here and eat ham?" N. Gin asked.

"No!" everyone else snapped.

* * *

The bandicoots rushed through the lumber mill, fighting off Interdroids. Soon, they were down to a single orange Interdroid.

"Easy as pie," Crunch said as Crash looked around for the pie Crunch mentioned.

Suddenly, the orange Interdroid multiplied into five more Interdroids. This orange robot was a Multidroid, with the power to multiply.

"I didn't see that coming," Aku Aku said.

A Secret Squirrel ran up and kicked one Multidroid in the chest. The kick knocked the robot into the five others and through three walls. The bandicoots stared at the

two-foot tall squirrel.

"I didn't see that coming either," Aku Aku said.

The bandicoots ran into another room; a large room of log chutes, spinning saws, and the smell of lemon-scented air freshener.

"Give up, bandicoots!" a Texan voice called, "You can never defeat me and my… Choppertron!"

Hairy Mole appeared, riding a flying machine. It looked like the Diggertron, but orange with a buzz saw on the front instead of a drill.

"My master plan is too close to completion for rodents like y'all to stop it now!" he called, "Wait, I don't think I was supposed to tell y'all that. But y'all won't see the

day the plan is complete!"

The Choppertron charged at the bandicoots. They dove out of the way of the spinning blade.

"How do we stop this guy?" Crunch asked.

Coco looked around the room before she spotted the buzz saws.

"Crash," Coco said, "Do you have a chocolate bar?"

Crash handed her a chocolate bar. She began eating it.

"Thanks, I was starving," she said, "Now, what do we do?"

Billy Bob blasted some rockets that were heading their way. Crash saw this and got an idea. He got Billy Bob's attention and pointed to Billy Bob's musket and a pile

of logs that was held together by ropes.

"What's that boy?" Billy Bob asked, "Timmy stuck in tha well?"

Crash shook his head and took the musket. He pointed it to the pile of logs and fired. The shot blasted off the ropes and sent the logs tumbling after Hairy Mole.

"Uh oh," Hairy said after he noticed this and teleported away.

The Choppertron got destroyed by the rolling logs and exploded, leaving a power crystal in its place. Crash picked up the power crystal.

"You did it Crash!" Coco cheered.

Crash smiled and set the musket on his shoulder. The musket accidentally fired and made a huge hole in Billy Bob's hat. Crash smiled sheepishly.

* * *

The N- Team snuck through Metalbeard's flagship, _The Dreadbooger_. As they crept through the ship, suspenseful music played in the background.

"N. Gin, can you please tell them to be quiet or they'll blow our cover?" Neo asked N. Gin, whispering.

N. Gin turned around and shushed the orchestra behind him. They pick up their instruments and left, silently fuming.

"What's the plan, Cortex?" Tropy asked.

"Yes, what is your plan?" A voice asked from behind them.

They turned around and saw Captain Metalbeard, smirking victoriously.

"Do you really think that you can sneak through my own ship without being noticed?" he asked, "Think again, landlubbers!"

He drew his sword and laser pistol.

"You're outnumbered, Metalbeard!" Neo stated, "It's five against one!"

Many pirate robots appeared.

"It's five against…" Neo said as he counted the pirates, "Carry the one… seventy-two."

"Attack!" Metalbeard yelled, and his army charged at the N- Team. They began fighting, with Plat facing of against Metalbeard.

"Captain versus Captain!" Metalbeard said, "How convenient."

Plat ducked under Metalbeard's slashing sword and threw grenades at the robot captain. Metalbeard shot the grenades in the air.

"You're going to have to do better than throw those weak firecrackers at me," Metalbeard said, and began laughing.

Plat threw another grenade at the metal plated pirate, and it exploded against his chest.

"Your firecrackers can't pierce my armor, landlubber!" Metalbeard said.

"But it can pierce glass!" Plat said.

Metalbeard looked down to see that the porthole on his chest was broken.

"Oh… that," he said.

Captain Plat swiped the gem, and Metalbeard deactivated. The robots looked at their fallen captain and ran away, screaming like little girls. Suddenly, alarms

sounded and red lights flashed.

"Is it just me or does that sound like as if the ship is going to explode?" Neo asked.

"We need to find the ship!" Tropy stated.

"It's right over there," N. Gin said, pointing to the conveniently parked _Sarsaparilla_.

They rushed into the ship.

"Does anyone need to go before we leave?" Plat asked.

"Drive!" everyone yelled.

"Okay!" Plat said.

The ship flew out of _The Dreadbooger_ just as it exploded.

"Next stop, Zeropolis!" Plat said.

* * *

Meanwhile, the bandicoots were busy being awarded by the Secret Squirrels. There was a parade and everything! In the Secret Squirrels' City Hall, they were given

big medals of bravery. Of course, Crash's medal was so heavy that it dragged him to the ground. Coco turned to Gray Squirrel, the Secret Squirrel Leader.

"I was wondering, how do we get to the next world? We need to find the gems and crystals," she said.

Gray Squirrel pointed to the plane.

"Okay, time to go, guys," she said.

They enter the plane. Crash turned around next to the plane and waved to his people, and then he slipped on a soap bar. Wishing for a less embarrassing exit, he

sat on the plane as it took off.

"I have to use tha bathroom!" Billy Bob said.

"I told you to go before we left!" Aku Aku said.

"Where's the next world?" Crunch asked.

Crash pointed out the window.

"Wow," the four of them said.

Crash was pointing to a giant, bustling, futuristic city. It was Zeropolis.

* * *

Next time on Crash Dimension Dilemma…

Our heroes travel to the futuristic city known as Zeropolis. But what does N. Terdimensional have planned for them there? Does it have something to do with

cheese? I sure hope so, because I'm hungry. Find out in **Chapter Twenty-Four: Quantum of Ignorance**.

* * *

PSManiac: Review everybody! (Slips on a bar of soap.)


	25. Quantum of Ignorance

PSManiac: Live long and prosper, loyal readers, and welcome to Chapter Twenty-Four! We look to the future as our heroes head to the bustling futuristic city of

Zeropolis! I can't remember who to thank for suggestions, but you know who you are! I own only the stuff that I thought of myself. Enjoy or be vaporized!

**

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Four: Quantum of Ignorance

The N- Team walked through the bustling city streets of Zeropolis. Neo was holding a map of the city. He studied the roads and buildings drawn on the map.

"According to the map," Neo said, "There should be a hamburger restaurant right about here."

He looked up from the map, and found himself looking straight at a brick wall. He studied the map again.

"This can't be right," the mad scientist said.

Tropy rolled his eyes and turned the map right side up.

"…Oh," Neo said.

He turned around, still staring at the map, and began walking. But he collided with someone and fell to the ground.

"Hey! Watch it!" Neo snapped as he looked up, "Oh, it's _you_."

In front of him was his nemesis Crash Bandicoot.

"What are you doing here, bandicoot?" Neo asked, "We have dibs on this world, do we Tropy?"

Tropy shrugged in response.

"We can't fight each other, guys," Coco said, "We need to find whatever's left of the crystals and gems so that we can go home."

"Well, we have twelve crystals and one gem," Neo told them, "Beat that, marsupials."

"We have thirteen crystals and one gem," Crunch said.

"Beginner's luck," Neo said.

"And what are we beginners at, exactly?" Aku Aku asked.

"It's… umm… we don't have time!" he exclaimed, "We have to find the last two gems!"

"Actually we have only one gem left," N. Gin said.

"That's what I said, one gem," Neo stated.

"But ya said," Billy Bob started, "…never mind, we need to find the last gem."

"But this city is huge!" Plat said, "It would take forever to find one gem!"

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion in the middle of the city.

"What in the name of Steven Spielberg was that?" Crunch asked in surprise.

"I saw it! It's alive! It's huge!" N. Gin screamed.

"What did you mean by that?" Nina asked.

"I just always wanted to say that," N. Gin told her.

The smoke cleared, and everything seemed calm. That was until a robotic scorpion tail the size of a skyscraper burst out of the ground and began shooting lasers

out of the end of the tail.

"We have to defeat that thing!" Coco told everyone, "We might have a better chance with our forces combined!"

The ten of them ran up to the giant tail. The tail stopped blasting the city and looked down at the heroes. Neo saw the ground beneath them crack.

"Something's coming out of the ground!" he yelled, "Run!"

Everyone ran away as something came out of the ground. The tail was connected to a gigantic robotic scorpion. It had pincers with wrist mounted, triple barreled

laser cannons, had a dark gray color, and had a head that looked like and Interdroid head.

"It's an Interdroid," Captain Plat said, staring in awe at the gigantic robot scorpion. The head open to show none other than Ratsputin, Fangula, Smash, Dash, Hairy

Mole, Gila Lobster, Nigel, Turbozuma, and Metalbeard controlling the metal monstrosity.

"Heroes, say hello to the pinnacle of Interdroid technology," Ratsputin said, "the Uberdroid!"

"Hello!" N. Gin called.

"Thanks to N. Terdimensional's life support technology," Metalbeard said, "I can live to plunder the 0th Dimension forever! But first, I'll keelhaul you landlubbers,

first."

"Who did you think brought me back to life in the first place?" Turbozuma asked, "It was N. Terdimensional. Who did you expect, the tooth fairy?"

"We will destroy ya'll faster than a cheetah on fire running to water!" Hairy Mole exclaimed.

"And just to make things more interesting…" Fangula said as he pressed the big red button.

The windshield wipers turned on.

"Sorry, wrong button," he said, and he flipped through the owner's manual.

"It's this button," Fangula told everyone, pressing the big blue button.

A gigantic army of all kinds of Interdroids appeared, including Gigadroids and Omegadroids.

"We're in trouble," Neo said.

Plat got out a remote control and pressed a button. The _Sarsaparilla _zoomed into view and stopped in front of them.

"And yet it doesn't have an autopilot," Neo said.

They boarded the ship and it flew into the air.

"Now, I need to pilot the ship while eight of you operate the weapons," Plat said, "Crash, I will drop you off on the roof of a building. There, you need to defeat the

Uberdroid. All of you need to do this because the author says so, okay?"

All of them nodded.

"Okay, here we go," Plat said as a door on the ship opened.

Crash walked through the door onto the roof of a building. He watched as the _Sarsaparilla_ flew off to fight the army of Interdroids. Crash turned to face Uberdroid,

which has crawled up the side of the building.

"You can't possibly win, bandicoot!" Ratsputin declared, "As long as my name is Otto Von Prudence Ratsputin!"

The Uberdroid gave an unearthly roar and fired lasers at Crash from a wrist mounted cannon. The bandicoot leapt out of the way and, to his luck, found an explosive

barrel dispenser. As the Uberdroid prepared to fire again, Crash threw a barrel at the cannon. It exploded on contact, leaving the cannon completely destroyed.

"You'll pay for that!" Nigel roared.

Crash got out of his pocket some money.

"Not that kind of pay!" Nigel said.

The Uberdroid's tail blasted the building in half, and making it start to collapse. Crash quickly jumped onto the roof of a nearby building. The Uberdroid followed the

orange marsupial and aimed its other cannon. The cannon shot bombs at the bandicoot.

"Bomb voyage, Crash Bandicoot!" Gila said, "Get it? Because… of the bombs and… never mind."

Crash spun back an oncoming bomb. It bounced back to the Uberdroid's "Bomb Cannon" and exploded.

"I really hate this guy," Dash said as the Uberdroid's tail made the building to start collapsing.

Crash quickly jumped onto the roof of a third building. The huge robot's tail faced Crash. It began firing lasers and bombs at the bandicoot. Crash, now knowing how

to beat this guy, avoided the lasers and spun a bomb at the tail. The explosion destroyed the tail.

"You'll be wishing that ye never did that, landlubber," Metalbeard said.

Crash leapt onto another building as the one he was previously standing on collapsed. Our mammalian hero faced the Uberdroid's… well… face!

"Dash, how come I don't have any lines left?" Smash asked.

"You just had some right there," Dash told him.

"Oh yeah!" Smash said.

The Uberdroid fired lasers, bombs, and lasers at Crash. Crash simply spun a bomb back at the robot's head.

"Let's get out of here!" Hairy yelled.

The villains leapt out of the Uberdroid and onto the rooftop just before the Uberdroid's head exploded. The rest of the huge robot fell to the ground.

"Celebrate in victory for as long as you can, bandicoot," Ratsputin said, "Because now you have us to deal with!"

Suddenly, the _Sarsaparilla_ appeared behind Crash and pointed all of its weapons at the group of bad guys.

"Here!" Hairy Mole exclaimed in fear as he handed Crash the power gem and ran away with the rest of the villains.

The ship landed, and Coco ran out and hugged her brother.

"Great job, Crash!" Coco cheered, "You got the power gem!"

"You're probably wondering how we beat the Interdroids so quickly," Neo told Crash, "Well N. Gin was operating the ship's flamethrower, he farted, and… you can

guess the rest."

Then, a spaceship that looked like a bus appeared in front of them. Its doors opened.

"Bandicoots and N- Team," the recorded voice of N. Terdimensional stated, "Enter the transport vessel to the Zerolith. There, we can… take you home. And no one

else may enter the transport vessel."

"I guess this is goodbye," Nina told Billy Bob and Captain Plat.

Billy Bob trapped everyone in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm gonna miss you guys!" he cried.

"Can't… breathe…" Cortex choked out.

"Why are you hugging me? I'm staying in this dimension!" Plat said.

"Oh yeah," Billy Bob said, "But I'll still miss you!"

"Let go, Billy Bob!" Coco said, "I can't feel my spine!"

Billy Bob let go of them, with tears still in his eyes. Don't you just want to hug him? Not unless you were born without a bone structure.

"Goodbye," everyone said to Billy Bob and Captain Plat.

Our eight heroes boarded the space bus. Its doors closed and zoomed away. The platypus captain watched the bus fly away, and then his eyes opened in

realization.

"I know what N. Terdimensional is going to do with the crystals and gems!" he declared, "We have to follow them!"

"But can we follow them?" Billy Bob asked.

Plat pointed to the _Sarsaparilla_.

"Oh yeah, that ship there," Billy Bob said.

The two of them rushed into the _Sarsaparilla_, with heroic music playing in the background, and it took of in pursuit of the eight heroes. They hoped that they weren't

too late.

* * *

The bandicoots waited for their arrival at the Zerolith. They can hardly believe that after adventuring in this weird and wonderful dimension, that they are finally

going to go back home.

"Look at that!" Crunch said, pointing out the window.

Everyone looked where Crunch was pointing to see a huge, spherical space station of black metal with rings of different shapes and sizes spinning around it.

Orbiting around the huge space station were perhaps thousands smaller, but identical, ships.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Doctor Neo Cortex said, "Welcome to the Zerolith."

* * *

Next time on Crash Dimension Dilemma…

Our heroes travel to the Zerolith to go back to their beloved planet. Meanwhile, Captain Plat and Bill Bob zoom after the Earthling heroes. Will N. Terdimensional be

true to his word? Will Captain Plat and Billy Bob warn our heroes in time? Can you survive the anticipation for the next chapter? Find out in **Chapter Twenty-Five: **

**Space Oddity**!

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PSManiac: Edge of our seats, aren't we? Review!


	26. Space Oddity

PSManiac: Welcome, readers, to chapter twenty-five of Dimension Dilemma! You're excited, aren't you? Let's get started! Remember, if I didn't create it, I don't own

it. Enjoy!

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Chapter Twenty-Five: Space Oddity

The bandicoots and N- Team walked into the Psychetron room of the Zerolith where N. Terdimensional was waiting. Everyone looked down and saw that they were

on a big metal platform. Below the platform was a clear sphere with a swirling black hole trapped inside.

"Negative Black Hole Power," N. Terdimensional told the eight heroes, "So powerful, that when contained properly, provides the energy for my entire space station

fleet."

"We're here, N. Terdimensional. Physically and… mentally, I think," Neo said as he watched Crash pick his nose, "Anyway, do you remember our deal?"

"Yes, I remember," N. Terdimensional told them as a computer screen appeared with a picture of N. Sanity Island on it, "If you give me the crystals and gems, you'll

get to see your home again. Is that correct?"

Everyone nodded.

"Excellent," the huge Psychetron said, "Now just insert the crystals and gems into the slots around the room for… safe keeping."

They inserted the powerful objects into the crystal and gem shaped slots.

"What was I going to do next?" N. Terdimensional asked, "Hang on as I check my 'To Do List.' Bandicoots and N- Team arrive, talk about Black Hole Generator, insert

gems and crystals… oh yes! Surprise."

"Wait," Neo said, "What do you mean by…"

Huge bubble-like force fields surrounded each of our heroes.

"Surprise!" N. Terdimensional called.

"Tell us what's going on," Crunch demanded as he punched his force field.

"Oh, just my ingenious plan!" N. Terdimensional declared.

"What gives?" Nina asked, "We had a deal!"

"And you shall see your world again," N. Terdimensional told them, "You shall see it burn!"

"What do you mean?" Coco asked, "If you're going to attack the planet, why didn't you do it before."

"I guess that I should start the evil villain's monologue," the evil professor stated, "It's all quite simple. The Black Hole Generator is simply not enough for

interdimensional travel, as in to travel from one dimension to another, especially from the 0th Dimension. I would also need a second Psychetron for whatever

dimension I need to go to, from there, I can easily enter the other dimensions."

"A second Psychetron," Neo said, "That's mine! But how…"

"Neo, Neo, Neo," N. Terdimensional stated, "Do you remember where you got the plans for the Psychetron?"

"I got the plans," Neo said, "In… the mail. I never thought…"

"That it was all part of an elaborate plan to take over all dimensions?" N. Terdimensional asked, "Well, that's because you never thought of it."

"But some of your minions had gems and crystals," Coco said, "Why did we have to collect those?"

"Because, unlike your conventional crystals and gems," N. Terdimensional explained, "They can only be activated when an organic life form from another dimension is

near, and that is what the eight of you are. I also made my Interdroids hunt you down, just so that you won't suspect anything. They were going easy on you

anyway. Remember the army in Zeropolis? It was no army, just a mere scouting party. I have billions of Interdroids under my command, and hundreds of stronger

and more deadly Uberdroids! The end is now!"

He finished his monologue and noticed that everyone was asleep.

"There will be no sleeping while I'm talking!" he roared, jolting everyone awake, "Now I have to start all over again."

* * *

The _Sarsaparilla_ zoomed through N. Terdimensional's fleet, with lasers blasting this way and that.

"Buckle up!" Plat told Billy Bob.

The hillbilly weasel tried to find a seatbelt on his seat, but can't find it.

"It's not here no more!" he said.

"Oh yeah!" Captain Plat exclaimed, "They're at the cleaners!"

"You're tellin' me this here problem now?" Billy Bob asked.

The ship zoomed into the Zerolith.

"Fire!" Plat called, and he pressed a button.

The ship blasted some important parts of the Zerolith.

* * *

"Shield Generator, damaged," a computerized voiced said, "It's also casual Friday."

The bubbles around Crash and Cortex deactivated.

"It appears that two rodents have been messing with the Zerolith's generators," N. Terdimensional said, "But while the crystals and gem charge, I'll deal with you

two rodents first!"

The Psychetron lowered, revealing that the Psychetron's base and arms was attached to a large robotic arm. N. Terdimensional "looked" at Crash and Cortex with

the base of the Psychetron.

"We're in trouble," Neo said.

The Psychetron lashed out at the two, acting like a hand with its arms as the fingers. Crash and Neo leapt out of the way. Cortex shot his ray gun at N.

Terdimensional, but his blasts bounced off the Psychetron's force field. It turned to Neo and blasted at him with its arms. Neo ducked, jumped, and did the Matrix-

style backwards bend. There was a loud crack.

"I almost forgot how much I hate fighting evil," Neo said.

Crash slid under N. Terdimensional's blasts. He ran over and straightened Cortex's back. The bandicoot and mad scientist hid behind a pipe.

"So he has a force field around him that we need to shut down, but how?" Neo asked.

Crash looked around and saw four generators with wires leading to the Psychetron. The orange marsupial tugged on Neo lab coat.

"Don't tug it!" Neo snapped, "It's brand new!"

Crash pointed to the generators.

"Oh, I see," Neo said, "Are you sure it will work?"

The pipe behind them disintegrated. They looked behind them and saw N. Terdimensional.

"I'll shoot them, and you'll go in for the kill, okay?" Cortex asked, and Crash nodded.

They dove out of the way of N. Terdimensional's blasts. Cortex quickly began blasting one of the generators.

"Come on, already!" Cortex muttered, "Blow up!"

The generator exploded.

"Now Crash!" Cortex called.

The Psychetron lashed at Crash, but the bandicoot jumped over the attack and spun the base several times. The Psychetron reared back as the force field came

back up.

"You idiots get down here this instant!" N. Terdimensional yelled.

Several Interdroids and Magmadroids appeared. Cortex began blasting the next generator as Crash fought the Interdroids. The generator exploded and Crash ran

to N. Terdimensional. The Psychetron avoided Crash's spins. Crash ducked under a Magmadroid's fireball and it hit N. Terdimensional.

"Watch where you're firing, scarp metal for brains!" he roared, "I am going to destroy the two of you once and for all!"

* * *

The _Sarsaparilla_ flied through the inside of the Zerolith, blasting Jetdroids on the way.

"What are we gonna do?" Billy Bob asked.

"We are going to rescue our friends and stop N. Terdimensional in his plan to take over all of reality," Plat said.

"How's he gonna do that?" Billy Bob asked.

"The Ring of Thirteen," the Captain told Billy Bob, "N. Terdimensional's going to use it as a giant portal!"

An explosion rocked the ship.

"Billy Bob!" Plat called, "You have to go and operate the rear cannon to keep those Jetdroids off our backs!"

Billy Bob saluted and rushed to the rear cannon. He saw a big red button.

"What does this here button do?" he asked himself.

He pressed it and all of the Jetdroids behind them got incinerated.

"Wow!" Billy Bob exclaimed, "This would be when that Cortex feller would be sayin', 'and yet he doesn't have an autopilot.'"

* * *

Back with Crash and Cortex, there was only one shield generator left, and N. Terdimensional was very angry.

"You pests will be destroyed!" the Psychetron roared.

Neo pointed his ray gun at the final generator, but when he pulled the trigger all he got was a clicking sound.

"I'm out of ammo!" Neo told Crash, "What do we do?"

Crash looked at the generator, looked at Cortex, and smiled.

Cortex sighed and said, "Fine, go ahead."

Crash grabbed Cortex and threw him at the generator. Cortex quickly grabbed the on and off switch of the generator and pulled it down to "off."

"You will be destroyed, bandicoot!" N. Terdimensional bellowed as he pinned Crash against a wall with his arms, "Say goodbye. Well, you can't say goodbye because

you're mute but… never mind about that!"

N. Terdimensional charged up his base cannon. Crash stared at the base in fear. Then before you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, the _Sarsaparilla_ flew

through a wall and hit N. Terdimensional. The huge Psychetron was knocked into a wall. Crash fell and landed on the platform. The _Sarsaparilla_ hovered next to the

platform, and Captain Plat and Billy Bob walked out of the ship.

"Billy Bob! Captain Plat!" Aku Aku said, "You came back!"

"I keep on telling you not to trust the guy," Plat said.

Nina helped he uncle climb back onto the platform, crushing his hand in the process.

"Thank you Nina," he said as he looked at his crushed hand, "I guess."

Then Billy Bob enveloped everyone in a bone-crushing hug.

"I missed you guys so much!" he cried.

"Can't… breathe," Tropy choked, "Billy Bob… let… go."

Billy Bob stopped hugging them.

"Now let's go before…" Plat said before N. Terdimensional shot the _Sarsaparilla_, making it explode, "…well, that."

"If I can't destroy you pests," N. Terdimensional said, "Then I can't at least postpone you, and then destroy you!"

He returned to his stationary form and began to glow a bright purple light along with the crystals and gems. The arms detached themselves and spun around the

Psychetron's base. A huge portal appeared beneath the fleet of N. Terdimensional's warships. They entered the portal and came into Earth's orbit.

"He's using the power of the crystals and gems!" Neo called, "This can't be good."

"What was your first clue?" Tropy asked.

"Hang on!" Coco yelled.

Everyone grabbed the floor's metal grating as the Zerolith began to shake violently. The shaking stopped and the Psychetron returned to its normal glow. Everyone

looked up at the Psychetron.

"What now?" Crunch asked.

"I expected him to say something by now," N. Gin said.

Suddenly, the base of the Psychetron gave a hiss of steam and started to slowly rotate. It detached itself and slowly floated down. Inside the Psychetron's base

was a control panel circling around a chair in the center, and sitting in that chair was someone wearing a read and black lab coat, red pants, black rubber boots and

gloves, and a black cape. He had yellow skin and a box-shaped bald head, except for gray springy hair growing at the sides. He had a full gray beard, red eyes, gray

bushy eyebrows, and a capital letter "A" stamped on his large forehead.

"Bandicoots and N- Team," he started, "Look upon the man once known as Professor N. Terdimensional, but shall be known from now on by his true name."

"And that would be?" Neo asked.

"I'm surprised, little Neo," he said, "After the bond that we share."

"Bond?" Neo asked, "James Bond?"

"No, not that kind of bond!" the man snapped, "Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?" Neo asked.

The man smirked and said, "Doctor Neo Periwinkle Cortex, I am Professor Archibald "Archie" Cortex. I am your father."

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Next time on Crash Dimension Dilemma…

It's the stunning conclusion to Dimension Dilemma. It all ends there. The final battle. So I'll just let you wait in anticipation and not tell you much. Be sure not to miss 

**Chapter ****Twenty-Six: The Final ****Meltdown**.

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PSManiac: Review everyone!


	27. The Final Meltdown

PSManiac: Can't you believe it? It's already the finale of Dimension Dilemma! I'd like to thank all who read, reviewed, and gave ideas for this story. Here's a little fact

about Archie Cortex. Both he and his son, Neo, are named after parts of the brain. Neo is named after the neocortex, and Archie is named after the archicortex. At

the end of this chapter is the title and preview for Dimension Dilemma's sequel. I only own the stuff that I created myself. Enjoy!

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Chapter Twenty-Six: The Final Meltdown

"You're my father?" Neo asked.

"Yeah, I also thought that the last chapter's ending was a bit too Darth Vader," Archie told his son.

"Yellow skin and a large head," Aku Aku said, "Definitely Neo Cortex's father."

"I shall tell you how I came here," Archie said, "In the form of a flashback!"

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Back then…

(In the flashback, all the lines that Archie Cortex narrates will be italicized.)

Little Neo Cortex is seen strapping his father, who was a clown, into a chair. Up above them was a machine that looked like a smaller version of the Cortex Vortex.

"_You were only seven years old," Archie narrated, "The Cortex Family Circus was a widely known circus troupe, mainly made up of clowns, that entertained children and _

_adults across the globe. But Little Neo, had other ambitions..."_

Little Neo, smiling evilly, pulled a nearby lever. Nothing happened. He pulled the lever again and again before he got so frustrated that he kicked it. Although he

stubbed his toe, it got the machine on the ceiling working.

"_Little Neo did not wish to entertain the world," Archie continued, "But he wished to rule it. I became the first test subject for the Evil-o-Matic, Little Neo first evil invention. _

_The purpose of the machine, as you can tell by the name, is to make people evil. Little Neo wanted the whole family to be evil."_

The machine slowly lowered itself closer to Clown Archie. It stopped and cast a bright light on the clown. Little Neo put on sunglasses.

"_But something went wrong," Archie narrated, "In Little Neo's calculations, he forgot to carry a one."_

There was a sudden flash of light, and both Archie and the Evil-o-Matic disappeared.

"_I was transformed not only evil, but into energy and trapped inside the Evil-o-Matic," Archie told them, "And as an added bonus, both myself and the machine were sent to _

_the 0__th__ Dimension. From there, I took over the Ring of Thirteen with my science and deceiving. I built arms on the Evil-o-Matic as dimensional stabilizers, creating the _

_Psychetron. From there I planned out everything for my revenge, sending Spydroid Interdrtoids to send Neo the Psychetron plans and to record his life. I also found Crash _

_Bandicoot to be a threat, so I changed my plans to include the bandicoot and his friends. Then everything fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle. And here we are."_

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And now…

"So you planned everything, all along?" Tropy asked.

"Yes, and now we come to the fall of all empires," Archie said, "And the rise of only one empire. That would be mine."

"You'll never win!" Coco declared, "We've beaten tougher bad guys than you!"

"My dear little bandicoot," Archie stated, "I can't believe how wrong you are about that."

One of the Psychetron's arms flew at Coco, but she jumped out of the way.

"It ends here!" Archie Cortex yelled as the Psychetron's arms floated around the base.

Our heroes leapt into action. Nina tried to punch Archie, but she got knocked away by a Psychetron arm.

"My great uncle is so asking for a punch in the face," Nina growled.

Crunch grabbed a Psychetron arm, but got zapped away. N. Gin blasted rockets at the evil Professor. Archie simply used a force field to redirect the rockets at N. Gin.

"Aw man, not again!" he yelled before running away.

Crash spun around the arena, narrowly avoiding Archie's blasts.

"Crash! I have an idea!" Coco called, "We have to get the power crystals and gems!"

"Interdroids!" Archie yelled, "Take care of this pest infestation."

"We're soldiers, sir, not exterminators," an Interdroid, Hans, told his master.

"It was a figure of speech!" Archie yelled, "I meant kill these guys!"

"Oh, ok," Hans said as he and many other Interdroids attacked the bandicoots and N- Team. Tropy ducked under an Interdroids claw and impaled its head with his

scepter.

"It's a… you almost got me there that time," Tropy said, patting his scepter.

"Stick! I mean…"

Ha! I got you!

"Crash, go get the crystals!" Coco told her big brother.

Crash nodded and jumped off of an Interdroid's head to make it to the circular platform around the room with the crystals. Archie saw Crash and flew up to the

bandicoot.

"Think that you can get away bandicoot?" Archie asked, "You're wrong, dead wrong."

He shot at the orange hairball. Crash jumped out of the way of the blasts as he made his way down the platform, grabbing crystals and gems.

"Come back here, rodent!" Archie ordered.

Crash stuck his tongue out in response. Archie got angry and launched the Psychetron arms at Crash. Our little orange hero jumped out of the way of the punching

and blasting arms. He grabbed the last crystal and the Psychetron's arms fell lifeless.

"The crystals and gems were powering the arms!" Archie said, "It's a good thing that the base still works."

He began blasting at the bandicoot from the Psychetron's base. Neo saw Crash in trouble and turned to Tropy.

"Tropy!" he said, "Throw me up to the Psychetron base!"

Tropy picked Neo up.

"You really have to lay off the hamburgers," Tropy grunted.

"Just throw me," Neo said.

Tropy threw Neo up to the flying Psychetron base. Neo grabbed his father, and they started fight.

"Take this, and this!"

"How about this?"

"My eyes!"

"Ha ha! No! Not the hair!"

"Ow! You twisted my nipples!"

The Psychetron base went flying out of control, spinning and doing loop-de-loops. Everyone stopped fighting to watch the base somersault again and again and

again. N. Gin turned green because of it, and puked in a nearby trash can. The two scientists fell off the Psychetron base as it blasted the sphere around the black

hole. The blast cracked the glass and made a huge hole in the sphere. The black hole began sucking stuff into it. The Interdroids fell into the swirling vortex.

Everyone held onto the platform's metal railing, but it to was slowly being dragged closer to the black hole. Coco looked at her brother.

"Crash!" she called, "You have to use the power of the crystals and gems to shut down the black hole!"

Crash nodded as the crystals and gems flew into the air and began to glow brighter. They streamed into the black hole, but a gloved hand grabbed the last crystal.

Archie Cortex was holding onto the sphere's metal frame with one hand, and holding the crystal with the other.

"Father!" Neo called, "You have to let go of the crystal or you'll get pulled in!"

"I will not!" Archie yelled, "The crystal's energy will keep the black hole from sucking me in! I don't know about the rest of you. Bwahahahaha!"

Then, the Psychetron's base rolled towards the evil professor.

"Uh oh," he muttered as the base struck him.

The crystal, the Psychetron base, and Archie disappeared into the swirling black vortex's dark depths.

"Y'all hang on!" Billy Bob yelled.

A bright light flashed from the black hole. There was an explosion of light. Our heroes fell into the water below. The Zerolith and its fleet exploded.

"Is everyone okay?" Captain Plat asked.

Everyone nodded their heads and swam back to shore

* * *

Later, everyone was standing on N. Sanity Beach in front of a portal.

"I've programmed this portal to take Captain Plat and Billy Bob back to the 0th Dimension," Neo said, "But I'm afraid that it's only a one-way trip."

Billy Bob enveloped everyone in a bone-crushing hug.

"Not again!" Aku Aku screamed.

"I'm gonna miss y'all so much!" Billy Bob cried.

"I can't feel my legs!" N. Gin choked.

Billy Bob let go of everyone, with tears still in his eyes. Plat tugged at Billy Bob's overalls.

"It's time to go," he said.

They said their goodbyes and entered the portal. It closed behind them.

"Crash, there's one more thing I forgot," Neo said.

Suddenly, Tropy cast a shield around Coco, Crunch, and Aku Aku. Nina and N. Gin grabbed Crash's arms. Neo pointed his ray gun at the bandicoot.

"Did you really think that I forgot how much I hate you?" Neo asked, "How wrong you are. I programmed my ray gun to zap you back into a normal bandicoot. Soon,

taking over the planet shall be easy. Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot!"

Suddenly, Bob's screaming head from chapter two flew down from space and knocked the ray gun out of Neo's hands. The ray gun went off in Neo's face, leaving the

mad scientist a pile of clothes. Crash spun Nina and N. Gin off of him and kicked Tropy in the shin, freeing his friends. The three evil doers ran off.

"Thanks Crash," Coco said, "But where did Cortex go?"

Crash pointed to the pile of clothes and noticed that the pile was moving. The four of the slowly walked up to the clothes and lifted them up. Under the pile of clothes

was a little chimp with a large head and a letter "N" stamped on his large forehead.

"Oh no!" Cortex cried, "I'm a monkey!"

"Chimp," Coco corrected.

"Well what ever I am," Neo said, "At least I still have my brain, and things can't possibly get any worse! Oh no…"

Out of the jungle came a large female gorilla. She saw Cortex, and little cartoony hearts began floating around her. Cortex backed away from the gorilla.

"Little cartoony hearts?" Neo asked, "Oh no… no! I'm afraid of commitment!"

He ran away into the sunset with the female gorilla hot on his hairy heels.

"At least thing are back to normal," Coco said as the four of them watched the gorilla chase chimp Cortex.

They can even hear the mad scientist ape scream, "Curse you Crash Bandicoot!"

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Coming soon to a computer near you…

From the creator of **Crash Bandicoot: The Musical!** and **Crash: Dimension Dilemma** comes a new adventure for our favorite furry orange hero. When an evil… no…

_two _evil forces threaten the universes, it's up to Crash, his friends, and enemies to return to the 0th Dimension and stop them. Will our heroes save the day? Who

are these new evil doers? Find out in PSManiac's **Crash: Multiverse Mishap**.

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PSManiac: A little contest, guys. The person who has sent the most reviews to this story will be the first to read an exclusive scene from Multiverse Mishap! Reviews

that are added to other chapter besides this one from this point on will not be counted towards the contest. I hope you liked my new story and that you will love my

future stories.

Throughout Insanity,

PSManiac


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